Cement Heart(87)
“Okay, fine. It should have been you,” she agreed sarcastically. “Then what?”
“Then what what?”
“If it would have been you, what would life be like now?”
Looking at her like she had two heads, I said slowly, “I don’t know. I would be dead.”
“And?”
“And… they would all still be here.”
“Because…”
“Because life goes on.”
“Exactly!” she exclaimed, throwing her skinny, tan arms in the air. “Because life goes on. So you can’t keep worrying about what Mike might have thought or what might have happened if he were alive, because he’s not. Before you respond, let me ask you another question.” She held her hand up. “If you were dead, would you care what was happening down here on earth?”
“Would I care? I don’t know—I’m dead.” I shrugged nonchalantly. “But there are several people I’d haunt the shit out of, and you’re making your way up that list very quickly.”
“Get in line,” she joked, rolling her eyes. “I’m serious, though. If you were deeply, madly in love with someone and you passed, especially as young as you are now, would you want that person to stay single and cry over you every day for the rest of their life?”
“Would that be so bad?” I answered playfully.
“Come on, be serious.”
I sighed. “No, of course not. I’d want them to be happy.”
“Exactly.” She sat back and smiled. “Let me ask you one more thing…”
This lady makes my brain hurt.
“Do you think you make Michelle happy?”
“I have no idea.”
“Don’t give me that bullshit, blow-off answer.” She glared at me and shook her head. “Think about it. Honestly, do you make her happy?”
Leaning forward on the couch, I rested my elbows on my knees and let my head drop toward the floor as I thought back to the last couple of months with Michelle. “All I know is when I’m with her, we’re both happy, and when I’m not with her, I wish I were.”
“Then why do you keep fighting this? Mike was your best friend in the whole world, right?”
I swallowed the sudden lump in my throat and nodded.
“Did you ever think for maybe a second that it’s him up there pushing the two of you together?”
“What?” My eyes flew to hers.
“Maybe he wants the two of you together. He knows you; he knows your heart; he knows you would protect her and the kids fiercely and never hurt them. He doesn’t want to worry about some loser coming in and using Michelle for her money or the house or anything like that.”
Her words bounced around in my head. While part of me thought they were an absolutely ridiculous stretch, the other part of me wanted to believe she knew exactly what she was talking about so I could somehow justify what I was doing as a favor to Mike.
“Lawrence?” Dr. Roberts frowned as I stood up suddenly.
“I gotta go.”
She blinked quickly, pulling her brows down low. “What? Why?”
“There’s just something I have to go do.”
“Okay, when do you want to come back?” She followed me to the exit door.
I sighed and turned back, shoving my hands into my pockets as I stared at the ground. “I don’t know that I am.”
“Oh.” She sounded a little sad. “Okay. Well, I’m here if you ever change your mind.”
“Got it.” I looked up at her. “Thanks, doc.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Thanks, you know, for everything,” I said as genuinely as I could. She pressed her lips together and nodded.
I turned and reached for the doorknob when she called my name again. “Hey, Viper?”
“Yeah?” I spun back to face her.
“Don’t give up on this. Don’t give up on her. Any woman that can drive you this crazy obviously feels the same way about you. I know that without having ever met her.” Her eyes begged me not to throw it all away. “She might have closed the door a little, but she certainly didn’t lock it. Maybe she’s standing just on the other side, waiting for you to knock.”
I stared straight at Dr. Roberts and arched an eyebrow at her. “Well, hopefully she’s not too close to it cause I’m about to bust through that motherfucker like the Kool-Aid man.”
A grin broke out across her face as she scrunched up her nose. “That’s my boy. One more thing…” She giggled and nodded her head back toward the coffee table. “You want your drawer back?”
“MOMMA. MOMMA!”