Cement Heart(86)

I’d replayed that night in her kitchen over and over in my head, second guessing myself constantly. What would have happened if I hadn’t stopped her? If I’d just let her keep kissing me the way she’d been? If I’d let her hand scoot down into my boxers? When I’d lifted her dress and pulled her toward me, my finger ran along the lace edge of her panties, and it was so sweet, so delicate, just like she was, and honestly… it intimidated me.

My phone beeped and my heart took off like a fucking rocket. I’d never grabbed it so fast in my whole life. It was a picture from Brody.



B: Hey, Uncle V! Look who decided to join the world today! Grace Addison! She got here about 15 minutes ago.



Under the picture was a selfie of him grinning from ear to ear as he held the tiniest baby I’d ever seen in my whole life. She was kinda red and had shiny eyes, but was still oddly adorable.



Whoa! No shit! Is that hair reddish or is it the picture?



B: Nope, she definitely has some red in her hair like Kacie. Assuming it doesn’t change, my mom might get her wish of a redheaded granddaughter after all.



Congrats, brother. I’m happy for you. Give Kacie a kiss for me, and tell her I said good job.



I was annoyed. Happy for Brody but annoyed with myself that I couldn’t even truly enjoy that moment with my friend because of the shitstorm I was feeling on the inside. How could one woman cause so many fucking emotions?

I stood up and shook my head. I’d had enough. I was done—with women and with abstinence.

I picked up my phone again, making an entirely different call before heading to my car.



“Hey, come in. I don’t have a lot of time, but you sounded frantic.” Dr. Roberts gestured me into her office. I walked past her to the coffee table and slammed my kitchen drawer full of numbers down, startling her. “Um… okay. What’s that?”

“Those are phone numbers,” I answered sharply with attitude as I stood between the couch and the coffee table with my hands on my hips.

“Okay,” she said slowly as she walked over to her seat, still staring at the drawer. “And you brought them here because?”

“I have no use for them anymore. Women are nothing but fucking trouble, and I’m done.” I sighed and rubbed the back of my neck with my hand. The tension in my shoulders was making everything else hurt too.

She crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair as she pursed her lips. “Care to elaborate?”

“Since college, I’ve thought I had women figured out. You smile at them, pay them a few compliments, and before you know it, they’re eating out of the palm of your hand. So why is it the first woman I actually want to listen to and spend time with has to be the most complicated woman on the planet?”

“Michelle?”

“Yes, Michelle,” I snapped.

“What happened?”

“She asked me to go with her to a wedding a couple weeks ago and I went. We had a great time.” I finally sat down as I let my thoughts drift for a second back to the way my arms had felt around her out on the dance floor. “A really great time. Anyway, she has too much to drink and throws herself at me. I do the right thing and stop it and somehow I’m the asshole. Now she won’t talk to me.”

“Wow.” Dr. Roberts nodded slowly. “That’s a lot of stuff to happen in one night. Why did you turn her down?”

“What?” I snapped, narrowing my eyes at her.

“Why did you turn her down?”

“No, no. I heard you, I just can’t believe those words came out of your mouth.” I stood up and paced the room, surprised that there wasn’t a worn spot from my usual route, week after week. “You are the one who told me I couldn’t have sex, remember?”

“So you turned her down because I told you not to have sex?”

“Well, no. Yes. I don’t know.” Frustration had consumed me, and I just wanted to be fixed. My head hurt. My chest hurt. My heart hurt. “I’m so damn confused. All I know is I had the most amazing night with her. I’d even started to think that maybe we could do this, that maybe we could find a way to make it work. And then, being in her house—Mike’s house—I panicked.”

“Why did you panic?”

“Because I still feel guilty.”

“You have to move past that, Viper.” She sighed. “It’s already eating you alive, and it’s going to continue to get worse. What happened was an accident.”

“I know, but—”

“But what?” she interrupted.

“But it should have been me!” I yelled in frustration as I sat back on the couch.