Cain's Darkness(17)
He sighed heavily. “I can’t do this with you, Violet. Not only are you Fallina’s friend, but you’re so much younger than me. I’d be taking advantage of you, taking something from you that might not be true because of the life you led and what had happened.”
She curled her hands into fists. When he spoke again she’d heard the emotion in his voice. It wasn’t often she heard Cain speak softly, sincerely, but this was one of those times. She was pissed at the fact he wouldn’t even attempt to sit down and talk about this. “Tell me you don’t feel something for me more than just a man wanting to protect a woman. Tell me you don’t care about me, Cain, and I mean really care about me.”
He didn’t respond.
“Tell me you don’t love me,” Violet said so softly she didn’t even know if he had heard her.
“Violet, baby.” He sounded so pained right then.
“Just say the words and I will back off. I’ll try and put how I feel behind me, try and forget about you in that way.” She wouldn’t cry.
“Nothing can happen between us. It’s best that way.”
She curled her hand around the cell phone. She may be young, but she wasn’t into playing games.
“But I won’t say any of those things, because it would be a lie and I’d never lie to you.”
Her heart started beating faster.
“But I will say that your life and mine can’t go in that direction together.”
She shook her head even though he couldn’t see her.
“I want you in my life, Violet. I’ve always wanted that, but we need to use our heads, okay?”
She couldn’t handle it, couldn’t even control her emotions right now. Her tears came fast and furious, and before she sobbed into the phone like a child she said a hasty goodbye and hung up. God, what a fucking fool she was to hold onto hope. Whoever said that was a driving force in life had been right, until it was crushed and sent her spiraling into a dark hole.
Chapter Seven
She hated that she wanted Cain so much, because in the end life hadn’t gone how she’d envisioned for so many years. Yeah, he said they couldn’t be together after she had told him she had loved him from the very beginning, but a part of her had always held onto that fucking emotion … hope. It had cost him nine years of his life when he’d defended her and Fallina, but she had known right then that the hardened outlaw biker was the man that would forever shape all other guys for her. She hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him, wanting him, not even when he pushed her away all those years at the prison. She loved him, dammit, and hated that he was too stubborn to realize it was genuine for her, and for him, too. He protected her like no other ever had, or ever would in her life, she knew that without a doubt.
She pushed herself away from the front door where she had been leaning, wanting to just leave the house, maybe drive around to clear her thoughts. In the end she had decided to stay in, because with how edgy she was driving probably wasn’t the best option. Violet made her way into the kitchen. Drinking probably wasn’t the best thing to do at the moment, but her body was near to shaking with the emotions sweeping through her. Opening the cabinet, she dug around until she found the bottle of whiskey she had shoved back there ages ago. God, why did she have to want a man that was an outlaw biker, a one percenter that fought his feelings, killed people, and had no regrets about the illegal and dangerous things he did?
With a shot glass in one hand and the bottle in the other, Violet poured herself a drink, and thought about the last nine years. She hadn’t been a virgin since she was sixteen years old, thanks to that fucking creep, Carl. But even after that, and wanting Cain, she’d tried to move on with her love life. Violet knew better than that. But the few guys she had been with had lacked in so many ways. All she’d thought about while with them was how they were so weak compared to her biker, to the man that had nearly beat another guy to death because that was what was ingrained in his blood, how his mind was wired. He’d never change, and God help her, she didn’t want him to. The club had been there for her and Fallina all the years they had been alone, without Cain there to protect them, and it was only a few years ago that they actually settled roots and formed their charter in River Run, Colorado. It wasn’t far from where she lived, but that hadn’t stopped the club members from making sure they were fed, clothed, and always protected.
She tossed the drink back and breathed out. It was like fire down her throat, but the pain felt good, made her feel alive. It distracted her from other things, things that haunted her on occasion, that had the nightmares creeping up as she imagined that sick fuck that had touched her when she had pleaded with him to stop. When Violet thought about that time so many years ago when she’d seen Cain again, locked up and in that grey, void visiting room, emotions filled her. She had been honest, told him what she’d never told anyone, and she’d thought he’d kill someone all over again for her. His anger had been tangible, his emotions clear on his face and in the way his big body had strained forward. She had wanted his comfort, needed it so desperately, but she knew with Cain Trainer she wouldn’t get any flowers or candy. He was rough as they came.