Cain's Darkness(15)
“Do you know why I pushed you away five years ago when you came to see me?”
She swallowed and nodded. “I know you did it thinking you were protecting me.”
He didn’t respond right away, didn’t even move. When he exhaled roughly she knew this was going to be one hell of a conversation.
“Sit next to me, Violet.”
She tightened her hold on the cup and moved closer to him. When she sat on the couch beside him, but with several inches between them, she held her breath once more. God, she felt like she was on pins and needles. All it took was his tone of voice and the way he watched her to make her feel this way.
“Fallina told me you got your real estate license and have been working in Chatham View making a good name for yourself.”
It was like he was trying to initiate small talk because he didn’t know what else to say. “Yeah, it’s been going pretty well.” The silence descended again. “You asked Fallina about me?”
He watched her, and then he nodded. “Yeah, I did, a lot actually. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
That annoyed her. “Why didn’t you just ask me yourself?”
He breathed out, ran a hand over his stubble-covered jaw, and then spoke after what seemed like ages. “When you came to the prison five years ago, told me all about what that motherfucker had done to you, all I wanted to do was avenge you and Fallina even more. You wrote me, kept in contact with me even though I said you needed to go on with your life and not worry about an old bastard like me.”
She set her cup down and shook her head, knowing he was not answering her previous question. “You’re not an old bastard. You are the man I have looked up to for my entire life. You are the one that has protected me, let me be a part of your family, and cared for me like no one else ever has.” She felt her emotions move up, felt them clog her throat, and knew that this man was so deeply engrained in her body she would never be the same again.
“I know I kept you away, but I thought it was the right thing. I didn’t want you seeing me in that fucked up place, and didn’t want you surrounded by that filth.” He shifted slightly on the couch so he could look at her. “I might have said not to come back to the prison, cut contact with you, but I always made sure you were taken care of, and watched over.”
She knew this as well. “You were the first man I fell in love with, Cain.” She snapped her mouth closed after the words spilled forth. God she had said that, had just blurted that out when she wasn’t planning on saying that until they really talked.
He was still unmoving for a few seconds after she spoke, and then he leaned back and exhaled. He covered his eyes with an arm, cursed something low and fierce, and then he looked at her again.
“I am not the man you need, Violet, and not the man you deserve, that’s for fucking sure.”
“This isn’t how I saw this conversation going.”
Cain leaned forward and braced his forearms on his thighs, and stared at her. “I am in my forties, Violet, far too old for you. You’re just starting off your life. Being with me will only complicate things. I am rough and coarse, and crude on the best of days. You know this just as well as anyone else.”
“Cain, please. Don’t say shit like that.”
“You don’t love me like that. You see a man that has watched over you for a long time.”
She curled her hands into fists. “Don’t tell me what I feel, Cain. I know what it means to love someone. I have never felt what I feel for you with any other man, and I know I won’t, ever.”
“Fuck, Violet.” He scrubbed a hand over his eyes.
“I love you, am in love with you, and I won’t apologize for that, Cain.”
He stood so fast that his leg hit the coffee table and the cups fell on their side, brown liquid spilling across the wood. “Shit, I’m sorry, Violet.” He turned, and she knew that he wasn’t apologizing for spilling the coffee. This man, this brutal male that wasn’t afraid of killing or death, and who never apologized for anything, was looking at her like he was pained. “I would only bring you down, make your life dark when it should be light.”
And then he was striding toward the front door. She stood, her hands shaking, her eyes filling with tears. He stopped and looked at her.
“I killed him for you and Fallina, Violet. I made that bastard pay for what he did.” He took a huge breath and said, “You don’t have to be afraid to close your eyes anymore. That’s why I came here tonight.”
And then he was gone, just like that.
Chapter Six
She didn’t know how long she stood there after Cain left, but then she realized she was calling Fallina. Her friend surely had seen her father since he had been out. Violet closed her eyes as she listened to the phone ring.