Cabin Fever(79)
“Are you ready to help me with dinner?” he asks.
“Yes, of course. Sure. What do you want me to do?” I follow him out of the room but stop when he comes to a halt in the hallway at the top of the stairs. I almost run into his back, he stops so abruptly.
He turns around and stares at me. “I don’t want this to be weird for you.”
I blink a few times, trying to figure out what he means. “Weird? In what way? Why would it be weird?” Is he talking about the garlic bread?
“I told you before that when Laura and I were married, we had people over for dinner every Sunday.”
“Yes, you mentioned it a few times, actually.”
“It’s Sunday. Today, I mean.”
I nod. “Yes, it is Sunday. Is that a problem?”
“Is it for you?” He searches my face.
I reach out and rest my hand on his shoulder. “Jeremy. Calm down. Everything’s going to be fine.”
He lifts his hand and takes a clump of my hair in his hand and strokes it, twirling it around his finger lightly. “I just worry about you.”
“About me?” I laugh a little. “Why me? Are you afraid I’m going to have some sort of episode or something?”
He smiles. “No. Don’t be silly. I just mean …” He drops his head. “I have no idea what I mean.”
I step toward him and take him into an embrace. “Just hug me and shut up.”
He pulls me close and hangs on tight. We’ve been doing a lot of hugging these past couple weeks, but for the first time since we were at the cabin, I feel something more than friendship going on. I hang on and inhale the scent of him through his T-shirt. I’ll never get tired of that smell, ever. Is he going to make a move on me? Ask me to sleep with him? What will I say? Well, duh. I’ll say hell yes, if he asks. I may be almost blind, but I’m not stupid.
“We haven’t known each other very long,” he says into my shoulder.
I nod. “Just a few weeks.”
“But I feel like I’ve known you for a lot longer.”
“Me too.”
He holds me tighter. “I don’t want you to leave.”
His voice is so sad, I hold him against me with as much force as I can without hurting my eyes. “I’m not going anywhere, silly,” I assure him.
“You never know when you’re going to go. It’s not our decision.”
I pull back and look up into his eyes. “You have to stop. Stop taking the past and letting it be our present.”
The anguish in his eyes is almost unbearable to see, but I keep staring back so he’ll know I’m here and I’m not going away. Not unless he asks me to. Please, God, don’t let him ask me to.
“I already lost someone who meant the world to me.”
“I know you did. And that was terrible, awful, and completely unfair. But that doesn’t mean life has ended for everyone. Not for you, not for Cassie, and not for your family. They’re all still here. I’m here. You’re here and you’re sober and healthy. Life is moving forward, Jeremy, and this is what Laura wants. I’m sure of it.”
“Has she talked to you again?” he asks, searching my eyes for the answer.
“No. But I don’t feel any bad feelings here. I don’t feel unwelcome.”
“I haven’t talked to her in a long time. Not since the first night in the hospital with you.”
I tip my head to the side, surprised to hear this. “You talked to her then? You didn’t tell me.”
“I figured you had enough to deal with. And I feel bad talking about her all the time with you. I don’t want you to think I’m comparing you all the time.”
I shake my head, feeling guilty at his words. “You can talk to me about her whenever you want. I promise, I won’t get mad. She has a place in your life and in your home. I’m just a guest here.”
Jeremy’s hands slide down to my hips. “But what if you weren’t just a guest. Would your opinion change?”
I pull back a little so I can see him better. “What do you mean?” I’m holding my breath waiting for his explanation.
He shrugs. “I don’t know. I was just thinking that maybe…” He shrugs again, but stops talking.
“Maybe what?” I push on his chest with one hand. “You can’t just say that and then not finish!”
He grins. “Says who?”
“Says the woman who’s going to burn the garlic bread if you don’t start talking.”