By Proxy(61)

If she didn’t care for him, he knew he would be able to leave without looking back; he was sure his infatuation would have faded quickly if it had been one-sided. He’d find some cute thing in Chicago and take her out a few times, drink Peppermint Schnapps shots with her at a holiday party and smile as she licked the candy cane garnish suggestively. He’d take her home for hot, forgettable sex and do it all over again the following weekend. If Jenny didn’t have feelings for him, he’d have a better chance of moving on and she’d eventually settle in the back of his mind as a passing infatuation, a quaint interlude, a sweet memory.

He thought of her placing her hand over his heart and put his hands on the balcony railing, clenching it forcefully, bowing his head and closing his eyes. He remembered her blue eyes, brightened with unshed tears, beseeching him to understand. How long would those eyes haunt him? And how could he resume his old ways when his heart knew somewhere in Montana there lived someone infinitely better, sweeter, deeper and more worth having than the parade of meaningless relationships that he was sure waited for him?

I will conquer this. I will eventually banish you from my head, Jenny Lindstrom. I will be free of you one day…

The double doors whooshed open, and suddenly Jenny stood on the threshold. As if she knew where he’d be, she raised her head and her eyes captured his with an intensity that made him gasp quietly. His languishing heart danced when he saw her face, and in spite of himself, he smiled at her, lifting his hand in greeting.

…but, today is not that day.

***

Seeing him at the top of the stairs was like turning her face to the full light of the sun after living in darkness since yesterday afternoon. She moved toward him with an unhesitating certainty, holding his eyes intently as she made her way up the stairs. When she got to the top, he opened his arms and she fell into them wordlessly, gratefully, as an exhausted person falls into bed at the end of a terrible day. Tears welled up in her eyes as she laid her forehead in the crook of his neck, but she blinked the tears away, closing her eyes and breathing deeply. She lost herself in the strength of his embrace, his familiar scent, the way his chest rose and fell with the force of his breathing. His arms enveloped her completely and he rested his chin on her head, letting his breath out in a forceful sigh. She felt him swallow hard and leaned back to look at his face.

He was smiling at her in a sad, resigned way. His eyes weren’t laughing or teasing; they were tired and defeated.

I know, she thought. Me too.

He released her gently and cocked his head to the side. “Ready?”

She nodded, swallowing down the lump in her own throat, returning his sad, resigned smile. Oh, Sam, I wish things could be different.

He put out his hand and she searched his eyes before taking it. She didn’t see hope there; she didn’t see much of anything. He was protecting himself. She looked back at his hand. It might be her last chance to hold it, so she took it in hers, savoring the muscled warmth, allowing him to lead her down the hallway to the clerk’s office.

He released her hand to hold the door for her and she stepped through and made her way to the same secretary who had been there on Friday. Sam stood next to her. She felt his fingers lace through hers under the counter as the woman looked up at them.

The secretary adjusted her glasses and sniffed with annoyance. “So you got alarm clocks.”

Jenny nodded. “We’re here for the—”

“Double proxy. Nordstrom-Svenson. I know.” She looked up at them over her glasses, her gaze shifting back and forth between them quizzically. She raised her eyebrows and cleared her throat before looking back down at her keyboard. “Humph.”

“Ma’am?” Jenny asked.

She didn’t look up from her keyboard. “You look different. That’s all.”

Jenny glanced up at Sam in confusion and he squeezed her hand reassuringly. “We’re the same.”

“If you say so.” The secretary cleared her throat again and wheeled her stool a short distance to a printer, waited a moment, then scooted back to them, handing Jenny the printout. She gestured back to the door. “Go back out, down the hallway. Third door, room 303. Judge Hanlon and the witnesses should already be there waiting, or they will be there directly.”

Jenny swallowed. This was really about to happen. She was going to take vows with Sam. She knew they were for Ingrid, but it was all very real to Jenny who would hear the words come out of her own mouth, and her misgivings made her tremble with the gravity of what she was about to do.

Sam squeezed her hand again, pulling her away from the counter toward the door. “Thank you, Ma’am.”