Breathe for Me(41)

“That’s when you panicked.”

“Realized,” he corrected. “Yeah I did want you there forever. For the first time I could understand the mentality. The insane sense of ownership. That you were mine, mine, mine.”

Chelsea’s heart thundered. “You wanted to own me.”

He looked at her, his all-seeing eyes picking up the heat in her cheeks. “It’s not a healthy thing, Chelsea. Not where I come from.”

“Xander…”

“I don’t want to be like that. I don’t want to feel that out of control. Hell I was so out of control I had unprotected sex with you. What if you weren’t covered with contraception? I could have put you at risk.”

“You don’t want kids?” she asked, unable to hide the plaintive thread in her voice.

His eyes widened. “Don’t Chels,” he whispered. “Don’t tempt me.”

She put her hand on his wrist. “I want to tempt you. I want you to want me. To want everything with me.”

He pulled away from her. “I don’t want to be like him. I have to let you go.”

“And you did. You have. You’ve already proved so many times over that you’re not anything like him. The number of times you had me—and held me. You’ve never once hurt me. You’ve been more about protecting me. And you left when I told you to, you let me go away without coming after me.” She smiled as she saw his involuntary shiver. “But I’ve come back. There’s such a huge difference here and you know it. You’re never going to beat up on me, right?”

“Never.” He flinched. Then groaned. “I know what you’re saying. I know I’m not like him in that way. But I feel…”

“Feel what?”

His big shoulders lifted an inch higher. His muscles flexed with tension. “Afraid.”

Afraid of losing control? Afraid of wanting her too much? “I don’t want to leave you,” she said.

He lifted tortured eyes to look at her. “Please mean it.”

“I do,” she whispered. “And as un-PC as it might be, I want you to own me. Not in a ‘you must obey my every command’ way, but I want to know you’re there for me. That I can depend on you. Because I want to own you too. I want to know that you’ll come if I call—because I’ll always run to you if you call for me. Always.” She drew breath. “I don’t think that’s an unhealthy thing. I think that’s love.” She suddenly moved, kneeling on the floor at his feet, so he couldn’t hide his face from her. “I know you said this would be over if I became attached, but it’s your fault I did. You were the one bending boundaries taking me out to dinner and on dates and to your damn waterpolo match. You were the one staying the whole night and making me laugh. It’s your fault I’ve fallen in love with you.” She breathed hard, so vulnerable yet so invigorated. “Well, you’re a big tough guy with a heart of gold. You like to help people. And you’re strong. So strong.” She lifted her chin. “And I’m strong too. I survived. There’s nothing you can throw at me that I can’t handle. So go ahead and end this if you want to, but do it with honesty.”

“I know how strong you are. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t let him win. Don’t let him deny you what you deserve. You deserve it all. Maybe you don’t want that with me—”

“You Chelsea,” he interrupted sharply. “Only you.”

She swallowed.

“I have no clue how these things work, Chels. My own parents were a disaster. My aunt and uncle—Logan’s parents. They might be still married but it sure isn’t happily. I’m good at keeping a short-term fling fun,” he said. “I can be a lover, a playmate. But beyond that? When you tire of that?”

“I’ll never tire of that,” she half-laughed, half-cried. “I’ll never tire of spending my time with you. But you have to talk to me Xander.”

“Chelsea.” He bent forward, so she couldn’t hide her eyes from him. “It wasn’t a game anymore for me. It wasn’t a fantasy fling. It was real.” He framed her face with his big hands. “To be honest it’s always been real. It’s always been me, Xander, making love to you, Chelsea.”

She shivered. “I thought it was only about the fantasy for you?”

He shook his head. “I’ve never played like this with anyone else. Those little scenarios—they were what you needed. Wanted. You. I was doing that for you, because it seemed to be how you could ease into it. The way you could let yourself want me.” He brushed her lip with his thumb. “And you wanted to please me—I knew that was part of it. That you wanted to satisfy a lover physically was part of the deal for you. It was exciting and fun. But for me it was always you. And always real. And you’re right. It’s love. I love you.”

“You were right,” she whispered. “I did need that—I was too frozen or whatever, to ask outright for what I wanted at the start. And I love the fantasies you wove. You got me so hot. Hell, from the moment I first saw you I was hot. But then you opened your mouth and all this fun poured out. Tease and danger and laughter. I thought I could handle a no-strings fling. That keeping a lover satisfied could be the way forward for me. But the truth was, it was you pleasing me…” She turned her head to kiss the center of his palm. “I’m not ever leaving you.” She raised her eyes at him. “I love you.”

The last plank of resistance within him broke. His arms wrapped around her tightly. So tightly.

“Xander?” She whispered in his ear. “Let’s make love.”

“Hell, yes.”





Chapter Twenty-Three





Chelsea had bailed on watching waterpolo tonight, promising to meet him in bed with some kind of surprise. Xander had nearly bailed on waterpolo himself knowing that. But she’d shoved him out the door with a laugh and told him to be sure to stay for dinner with Rocco and the guys afterwards. That he was going to need the sustenance.

He had never been so happy in his life. Nor had he ever been so shit scared. He’d never had a girlfriend for this long before and he’d no idea what course this thing was going to take. But they’d travel it together—that he did know.

Now, with Hunter silently strolling at his side, he walked back into the building, eager to get upstairs and into whatever it was she had planned.

“See you Hunter,” he said as they crossed the lobby.

His buddy nodded.

“Xander?” Someone else called him.

He glanced at Terry. He so didn’t want anything to delay him right now. “What’s up? You got a problem?”

“I think you do.”

He stopped striding towards the elevator and turned. “What is it?”

“Someone in the pool. After hours.”

His eyes met those of the building security man and he raced to the screen the guy was looking at.

She stood at the side of the pool. The lights around the deck danced in the light breeze, casting patterns over her suit and skin. Her face was pale in the light that emanated from the surrounding buildings. She glowed like a star—just about the only one visible in light-polluted New York. As he stared at the screen, she peeled one strap, then the other, from her shoulders.

There was a hiss as Hunter—behind him—sucked in a breath. “Seems to me you’re gonna have your hands full getting her out of there.”

Xander half smiled, half grimaced. “You have no idea.”

He reached forward and hit the button on the monitor to turn it black, knowing damn well that Terry was going to turn it straight back on the second he got out the door. Xander didn’t give a shit how much Terry saw of him. And given Xander would be all over Chelsea, he’d hardly see her. Xander needed to be beside her, supporting her. Needed to be with her every step of the way.

“I’ll give you fifteen minutes.” Hunter grabbed Terry by the arm and hauled him out of the swivel chair and into the reception area.

“You’re kidding me. I’m supposed to watch the screens.” Terry protested.

“I’ll take full responsibility.” Hunter growled, easily blocking the guy from moving. “Xan, you have fifteen.”

Hell, the way he was feeling he’d need less than two.

“I’ll take care of the tape too,” Hunter called as Xander reached the door to the stairwell. “Good luck.”

“Gonna need it,” Xander muttered beneath his breath as he ran. “Gonna need every damn inch of it.”

She was going in the water?

Not without him.

Chelsea took one step. There. She was on the first step into the water. It was a notch cooler than the warm air, both were sensual on her bare body. She was hyper aware of every tiny feeling. Every change. She took another step down and deliberately drew air into her tight lungs.

Behind her the door to the stairwell opened and banged shut.

She smiled and stepped down to the third step—out of arm’s reach. Then she turned.

He stood at the edge of the pool. He’d whisked off his tee and was grappling with his jeans. His chest rapidly rose and fell. He’d run all the way up? Her lower belly tightened. She did like this man.