Breaking Even(85)

Definitely buying blinds for every damn room in the house.

“Please go away,” I groan, standing as I wipe my eyes.

“I just want to apologize.”

“Fine. You’ve done so. Now go away,” I say, keeping my face out of view.

“You’re crying. Let me in so I can talk to you. Please.”

Why is he doing this?

“Do you hear yourself?” Maggie barks, coming into my room on her way to my window. “This is what is breaking her. You and your damn contradictory, befuddling ways. Just go the hell home and leave her alone. You’re just confusing her more with everything you do. Fuck! I don’t even understand you, so I can’t imagine how she feels.”

I look over just as he backs away from the window, looking so pitifully defeated. It almost feels like a hand reaches in and painfully squeezes my heart, because I hate seeing his eyes so sad.

“You’re right. I’m sorry,” he says softly, looking away from me.

“So you said. Now go,” she snaps.

This time he listens, and he walks away with his head down. I exhale a long breath before climbing up and getting into bed and pulling the covers over my head.

“I’m staying under the covers no matter what you say this time,” I grumble, but one corner folds down, and suddenly Maggie is under the covers with me.

Her eyes hold unshed tears for my pain, and I remember why I’ve loved her like a sister for all these years.

“I’ll stay under the covers with you,” she whispers, and her tears sneak out as a violent sob breaks free from me.

***

RYE

“I don’t understand you,” Wren growls as he picks up his phone.

“What’s not to understand?” I ask while taking another sip of whiskey.

“It’s fucking two in the afternoon and you’re already wasted. You had it. You had it. You had what Tag, Kode, Kade, and Dane have found, but you’d rather sit around and sulk instead of just loving the girl. Just because you don’t say it, doesn’t mean you don’t feel it. What you found with her... Trust me, Rye, it’s not something everyone gets to have, and you’re an idiot for ignoring it.”

He sounds like a bitch. I hate bitches.

Instead of punching him like I want to, I curse him and roll over on the couch.

“I guess that means you’re not going to the garage today.”

“Nope,” I say in a clipped tone that tells him to shut up.

He groans and then walks over to open the door. I wait for it to shut, praying he leaves me with my silence while I search for the anger I need to get past all this. I’m sick of this feeling, and I need the one constant that has been there for most of my life so that I can get back to who I was before her.

“Hey, Brin,” Wren calls loudly, and my body is off the couch and racing toward the door before I even realize it.

Brin and Maggie are getting into Maggie’s BMW, and I start running across the street. Maggie cranks the car just as I reach them, but I’m on the passenger side and banging on the window with no plan.

Brin won’t look at me, but I can tell she’s still crying. She never cried over the husband she had for six years, but she’s crying over me. Again. Has she even stopped?

“Please talk to me, Brin. I’m begging you. Just let me apologize.”

She takes a slow, steadying breath, and then she turns her tear-streaked face toward me, crushing my heart by allowing me to see the pain she’s in. I did that. I caused that pain.

Her window rolls down, and Maggie curses as Brin’s red-rimmed eyes lift to meet mine. “You need to deal with whatever issues you have. Obviously, I wasn’t the person to help you through it. I hope you find that person. You deserve an Ash, or a Rain, or a Tria—someone who makes you stronger. Someone who makes you better.”

She’s trying to cut my heart out right now. I wasn’t expecting her to say that. Gravity pulls me toward her, and I start to lean into her window, needing to touch her.

“Stop,” she whimpers, and I do.

She takes another breath, and then her glistening eyes find mine again. “I don’t know what’s going on. I wish I did. But you deserve better than you’re allowing yourself to have. And I deserve better than you’ll ever give me. I’m tired of settling for what I can get. I just want to be happy.”

Maggie steps on the gas as I stand there stupefied. Settling for what she can get?

She wanted me. And I only gave her a piece. But she doesn’t understand. Fuck! Why did she have to move in right across the street?

Wren is standing at my front door, looking just as confused as everyone else these days. I walk by him on my way inside, ignoring his scrutiny.