Breaking Even(83)

All I want to do is run out of here and cry. And I will. The second I leave this room, it’s going to be a painful, breath-stealing, heart-achingly, agonizing cry that rivals a wolf’s mournful howl at the moon. And then I’m never going to speak to him again.

This is it. This is our goodbye. He’s drunk as hell, his hand is bleeding, and he has no idea what he’s doing, but right now he’s giving me the closure I need, even though it only makes it hurt worse.

“Brin,” he murmurs against my lips. “Stay tonight.” It’s a whispered plea that sends an ache too deep inside me and almost decimates my resolve, because he’s so sincere right now. But in the morning, everything would be terrible—worse than it already is.

My tears don’t wait until I’m out of the room to start dripping harder; they burn down my cheeks with a feverishly rapid succession. I move my lips back to his, hoping it’s enough to keep him quiet. I love him and hate him with every breath we exchange, but I hate myself the most.

I did this to myself. I was fine before him, but I’m ruined now.

“I love you,” I whisper just as the nurse finishes up.

“I know,” he groans, turning his head away. “But you can’t. Love is temporary, and it’s a bitter bitch when it leaves. I can’t be responsible for your happiness like he was hers. Like I was. I can’t handle more guilt, and I’ll fuck up again.”

I have no idea what his drunken words mean, but I stand up as he tries to move. I don’t bother learning the nurse’s name, or thanking her for all her help. I can’t. I can’t say another word. Rye is okay now, and I have to go before I fall apart in front of everyone.

I sprint across the yard as he calls my name, yelling for me. And I hear the first punch someone takes. I hope it’s Ethan. I look back in time to see it is Ethan, and I almost smile, but that smile fades with all the weight of my misery.

He’s drunk. He’ll break my heart in the morning because he’s drunk enough to love me tonight. But when he’s sober...

I keep running down the street with no idea where I’m going, but Maggie pulls up beside me in her car, and I hop in the back seat.

“Saw the drama. Feel like pancakes?”

I just laugh and sniffle at the same time, and she drives away. She and Carmen are still in robes, and I’m not even wearing a bra.

“Don’t worry,” Carmen says, smiling softly. “It’ll get better.”

I doubt it. But I don’t bother arguing. There’s nothing left to say.





Chapter 16

RYE

“Why the fuck do I have stitches?” I growl, glaring at my throbbing, swollen, and bruised hand. The crisscrossed stitches seem to be professionally done, but I’m still wondering if Dr. Frankenstein broke into my house last night and played mad scientist on my hand.

Everything is too fuzzy, and all the memories are hidden under a thick veil of fog.

“Because you’re a clumsy bastard,” Ethan groans, raising up from the sofa that’s in my room.

His black eye gives me pause. “Why is your eye black?”

He laughs as he stands up, stretching as he shakes his head.

“Because you’re a clumsy bastard with a mean right hook.”

I slowly get out of bed, cursing my aching right hand when the internal throbbing grows to be more vicious. And damn, it itches. But the itch feels like it’s under three layers of very tender flesh.

“You don’t remember anything?” he asks as I follow him out, ignoring all the damage in my room.

“Nothing after the boxes I shouldn’t have ever opened,” I say while blinking and trying to stop seeing things in a fog.

“Figures. Your Porsche is going to need more work. You beat the hell out of it last night.”

Ah, hell. My poor car.

“And my hand?”

“You cut it on the window after you broke it. Wren’s child’s mom came by to fix your hand. Yeah. That shocked the hell out of me. No one thought to tell me he had a kid?”

He turns to glare at me, and I shrug.

“Not my secret to tell.” He rolls his eyes while leading the way to the kitchen, and I drop to a stool as he starts making coffee.

“Why’d I punch you?” I ask, still trying to put all the blurry images together.

“Because I stopped you from chasing Brin out of the house.”

He turns to face me as all the color drains from my face. “Why the hell was Brin over here? And why was I chasing her?”

He breaks down all the details, and I get sicker with everything he says. She kissed me to keep me still. She came because I was hurt. And she left here in tears because I’m the world’s biggest asshole.