Breaking Even(75)

“Nope. I want to show you the vineyard,” he says, picking me up again.

“I’ve seen it.”

“Not with me. I have a feeling it’ll look a lot different.”

I laugh even as the heaviness settles over my chest. In a fleeting moment of vulnerability, he spoke about his mother. He’s never said anything about her other than the first night we were together. It’s worrisome. Especially if he’s drunk and still won’t talk. Drunk people always talk.

I’m not even drunk and I almost told him I love him.





Chapter 14

BRIN

Rye pulls up to my house, and he smiles as he turns and unfastens my helmet. The sun is too bright after so much alcohol. I gave in and got drunk. Fortunately I didn’t say anything too terrible, but we ended up crashing in one of the guest rooms and staying enveloped in each other all night.

“I wasn’t even planning to drink last night,” he says while pulling me to him, and I force a laugh. He was worse than drunk. I’m surprised he’s not still drunk ten hours later.

“You staying for a while? I can make us some brunch, and then maybe we can grab some movies.”

We’re both taking a walk of shame, still wearing our clothes from last night. His fingers thread with mine as he kisses my head, and I lean into him. This is good. I can handle this. I just need to forget the labels. Forget the future. It’s all about living in the moment.

“I have some errands to run, and I’m going out with Ethan tonight. I think he’s jealous of you,” he jokes, but I don’t laugh.

Ethan hates me and hates the fact that Rye is with me.

“Cool,” I say.

Cool? How outdated is that? But it’s all I can think to say.

“Cool?” he asks, amused.

I shrug as we almost reach the door to my house. “The two of you could have gone out yesterday. I told you I had a girls’ night.”

He frowns, but I don’t look him in the eyes.

“It turned into a couples’ night,” he says.

And I want to scream we’re not a couple! But I don’t. Just like always, I nod. “Well, have fun.”

“You’re mad,” he says, narrowing his eyes at me.

“Not at all. I’m actually going out with Maggie tonight. I forgot that she asked me to do that. We’re going to Silk. Carmen is out of town.”

“Silk?” he asks, suddenly seeming less thrilled about not seeing me tonight.

“Problem?”

His jaw tenses, but he shrugs. “Nope. None. I’ll see you later tonight. I can swing by when we get done.”

So cheap. I’m so cheap.

“We’ll be out late, but if I’m home, then sure.”

Again, his jaw tenses. “What are you doing, Brin? Trying to make me jealous? That’s not cool.”

“Did I say anything about going out with a guy? That would be the only way to make you jealous. And besides, we’re not together so what good would it do to make you jealous?”

He takes a step back and studies me.

“We said it would only be each other. We’re not using condoms. That was your rule.”

“Rye, I’m going to Silk with Maggie. I’m not going to hook up with a guy.”

He blows out a breath while running his hand through his hair, and then he pulls me to him and kisses me hard, imprinting more with that kiss than words ever could. But then, he’d never say the things he makes me feel.

“Fine,” he murmurs against my lips. “I’ll see you tonight, though. Just call when you get back. You’ve got work tomorrow.”

He grins like he has me, but I shake my head. “Museum is closed for renovations for the next two days. I can party like a rockstar.”

I can tell he doesn’t like that the second his lips tighten. He feels it. So why won’t he just admit it?

“I’m definitely seeing you tonight, then,” he says, grinning once more as he leans in and gives me one last kiss.

Then he strides across my yard, leaving his bike parked in my spot. I won’t hit that bike, though. I love it. It represents something, even though he won’t admit it. I’m the only girl he’s ever let ride with him.

***

RYE

I drop the flowers on the ground, along with the birthday present I always bring her. She loved those stupid coffees from the gas stations. Why? I don’t know. But she preferred it over gourmet coffee, so I bring a cup every year.

“Figured I’d find you here,” Ethan says as I stand up from the grave.

I smile weakly at him. I hate this day. Always have.

It’s a day full of guilt, fury, and what-ifs. But today the guilt outshines all else, mingling with a little sadness that I don’t usually feel. For some reason, my anger is absent, and I wish it would return. I don’t like being without it. I’ve grown used to having it to lean on like a crutch.