Blue(13)

"Get to the point, Van."


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I take one gulp, and the liquor burns my throat but then sits warm and satisfying within me.

"When a week passed after one of our scheduled check-ins, I knew something was wrong and I was the only one who knew where to look. I wasn't going to send another man in. The people we're talking about don't mess around. If they found out Shadow was snooping, they'd go after his family."

For now, I don't bother to mention the mafia and that it wasn't the threat to me, but rather to Carys, Ma, and him that concerned me. There was no way I could keep them safe because I was willing to do anything to find the truth, even if that meant exposure or death.

"Turned out, Shadow was fine. He'd gone dark because he'd spotted an informant who could blow his cover. It wasn't safe to check in. I got him out, but once I was in, I knew I had to see it through."

He's sitting on a kitchen chair, and his leg bounces as he flexes his toes. He's on edge, and based on his expression, what I've given him isn't enough.

"Keep talking, Van. I'm getting sick and tired of this. It's like pulling teeth. None of this explains why you left. What the hell are you going to say to Ma and Carys when you see them? Do you think that's gonna wash?"

"I've already seen them."

"What?" He abruptly stands, his eyes narrowing into slits, cutting me like a razor's edge. "What the fuck?"

"I saw them tonight." I stand, too, waiting for the news to sink in, while I prepare for his reaction.

"You fucking dumbass, why? Why didn't you come to me first? We could have gone to them together. How'd it go?" Ry's always the protector, especially when it comes to his family.

With a smirk, I reply, "Better and worse than I expected. Your sister is ticked at me, and Ma's thrilled to have me home. I had dinner with her and then you picked up my tail, not even a block from there."

"Fuck." He shakes his head at me in displeasure. "I thought you were scoping the joint. I never thought you'd be dumb enough to go in."

"Yeah, well, you and I both know I'm not particularly smart where your sister is concerned."

He sits with a slight twitch to the corner of his mouth. Is that a smile? Placing his arms on his knees, he hangs his head and stares at the carpet. Silence covers us like a heavy, uncomfortable blanket. It's so thick with regret, shame, and resentment that it's suffocating.

Wanting to end it, I plow forward. "I gotta say, your girl, Tate-she's beautiful. You were so fucking happy at your wedding. Never thought I'd see the day that Rylan Wolfe settled down. I thought you'd be married to the FBI." 

"You were there?" He charges me.

My first instinct is to take him out, but I fight it, fight all my years of training and just stand there. In slow motion, his fist connects, hard, with my face. Even knowing the blow is coming, it doesn't soften the impact of his knuckles cracking against my jaw and cheekbone. God dammit, he always had a mean hook. It fucking hurts, but I deserve it.

Swiftly setting up his next swing, he stalls, dropping his fist with a growl when it's obvious I'm not going to fight back. Never. Fuck, I missed him.

"Van," he roars, aggravation and pain etching his face. His turmoil slices through me. "Why? Make me understand. I looked for you. I wanted you as my best man at my wedding. Why watch it from the fucking sidelines? Why break my sister's heart? I know you love her more than anything, so why the fuck did you do this?"

Turning his back on me, he walks several feet away. A worthless piece of shit is what I am. I never meant to cause them so much pain. In this moment, I don't feel any better than my father-a man I used to worship but now loathe.

I decide to take a leap. He deserves the truth, and now is the time. Ry's always been there for me, no matter what. Why not put the faith he has in me to the test? I nod for him to sit and I tell him everything.





Then

Carys ~ 11 years old

"EWW, YOU'RE DISGUSTING!" LAUREN shrieks and I lunge at her as she runs past me, rubbing my wet, sticky sweat on her arm.

Laughter bubbles within me at her dramatic antics. Lauren Donovan's my best friend and favorite person to torment. She's easy to ruffle.

We've been friends since the first day of kindergarten, when we were both decked out in pink tutus. From that point on, we've been inseparable, though we couldn't be more different. I'm a tomboy at heart, something Lauren definitely is not.

She's the cheerleader type, her dream for high school. Me, I'll most probably do both, soccer and cheerleading. Not one for labels, I walk the line between the genders. From a young age, Pops instilled in me that there are no limits, that I can do whatever I want.