Beyond Broken(65)

Not unless I give her one, he thought.

Caleb's eyes strayed to the clock on the wall behind her. It was nearing eight o'clock. How could she be done already?

"No, I'm sure there's other work," he said, furrowing his brows, looking around at the office, searching for something. Anything.

Maddie bit her lip. "Caleb … "

"How do I know the work you did is right? What if I find something that doesn't add up later?" he accused, something that felt suspiciously like panic bubbling up in his throat.

Those brown eyes knew exactly what he was doing. It should unnerve him how much she understood him, how well she could read him. He couldn't bring himself to care.

"You'll just have to trust me," she said softly. "And trust in my work. I told you I was good."

"Yes," he said, scrubbing a hand down his jaw. "Too good," he murmured.

They stared at each other, only an arm's length away. Caleb watched as Maddie took a deep breath, steeling herself for whatever she was about to say.

"Won't you just tell me, Caleb?" she pleaded quietly. "It's exhausting, what we're doing. Wouldn't it be so much easier just to say it and stop fighting against yourself?"

His heart started thumping uncomfortably in his chest and a strange mixture of acceptance and resignation settled deep into his very bones.

It would be easy. And yet it wouldn't. She had to understand that. If he opened his mouth and said that he cared about her, that he didn't want her to leave, that he wanted to see where whatever was between them went, he would be giving up some of the control he'd fought so desperately to hold onto for the past decade. He'd offer her some of his power on a silver platter and need to trust that she wouldn't misuse it. His power was the only thing that had kept him sustained all these years.

She would make it so damn easy and so damn sweet to relinquish it.

Caleb's lips parted, the words on the tip of his tongue. His mouth closed. Then opened. Then closed. Finally, he did speak, but to tell her, "I might not ever be able to fully trust you. I've been stabbed in the back too many times to fully trust anyone." 

"You know I would never do that to you," she said, her words tinged with defiant anger.

He wished that he could believe her words. "That's what they all say, at one point or another."

"I'll accept that you think you'd never be able to trust me," she stated. "But promise me one thing. The moment that you realize you do, I want you to tell me. At least then I'll know."

His chest ached at her words.

Drive her away. Do it. Please. Please. Please!

His fists clenched at his sides, his mind screaming at him to end this. End this while Maddie still looked at him with that soft look in her eyes, because he didn't think he would be able to withstand it when that softness turned to ice.

His treacherous mouth didn't do that. "You'd let me kiss you right now, wouldn't you?"

Her cheeks flushed. Without missing a beat, she confirmed, "I would."

Caleb swallowed, her words affecting him probably more than she realized. "You like to be kissed, don't you, princess?"

He'd said those words to her before, almost exactly where she was standing now, but that encounter had turned ugly. Maybe a part of him was trying to warn her away, to remind her of the ugliness inside him, to give her one last chance to retreat before he ruined everything.

She didn't even bat an eye, but her smile came easy. "I like to be kissed by you."

All his breath escaped him. Her words were his breaking point. He only had so much self-restraint. Caleb stood as still as a statue as Maddie stepped forward. He watched as she reached for him, her hands soft-looking and trembling, and placed her palms flat on his chest.

Caleb flinched at the contact, tensing, but allowed her exploration. He let her touch him. And for once, her touch didn't remind him of darkness and shameful nights. His eyes closed as she ran her hands up to his shoulders, then curve around the back of his neck, before delving into his dark hair. He shuddered, but it wasn't with revulsion.

"Caleb," she whispered, face upturned, her hot breath fanning out over his lips.

His eyes were heavy on her. She was so close. All he had to do was lean down a few inches and then he would taste the sweetness of those lips for a third time. Tension was building up inside him, bubbling up to the surface, inch-by-inch. Caleb started trembling and then, with a lightening strike kind of realization, he recognized that he was terrified. Fucking terrified of this beautiful woman, with her soft eyes and glorious hair and kitten heels, who took care of him when he was drunk and sassed him when he was being an asshole.

Finally, he rasped, "What I feel for you scares me."