Beyond Broken(128)

"Caleb, I know you care about her."

"'Care?'" Caleb repeated dumbly and then he gave an exhausted laugh. "'Care' is completely," he struggled to find the right word, "inadequate for what I feel for her."

"Love, then," Cindy said, waving her hand. "Whatever you want to call it. I'm just trying to say that I see it. And I'm not worried anymore. I know you two will get over whatever you're going through and that you'll make her happy. I feel it."

Her words made him still. She'd said it so easily, so inconsequentially. 

Love, then.

He'd thought it time and time again-that love was just a word-but had he ever truly explained it to Maddie? He'd fully intended to a couple weeks ago, when he told her about his abuse, but perhaps, he'd never verbalized it. Had he?

Caleb closed his eyes and sank back down into a chair.

He wasn't any good at this. And Maddie was the one paying for it.

"How do you know I'll be able to make her happy?" he asked, staring down at the tile.

He remembered her words in the car, asking him what would happen if she eventually fell in love with someone else down the road. And he'd been hit so fucking hard with loss and jealousy and hurt, like he was already grieving for that day. Because in the back of his mind, he figured that eventually, that could become true. Caleb had never seen himself as being able to give her what she needed in the long run because he knew that she deserved better than him, that she'd want someone better when she realized that.

But what if all she ever really wanted was him? What if he was good for her? What if he'd been too trapped by his own demons that he couldn't see that until now?

"Because you look at her the same way my husband used to look at me," Cindy said, a sad smile crossing her lips. "And I know that there isn't anything you wouldn't do for her. Love is a scary thing, isn't it? It makes you realize that you'd endure anything for another person, that you care about someone so much that it worries you until you're sick, because you realize that your heart is outside of your body and that you can't protect it anymore. You feel that way about her. And you'll feel that way about your daughter when she comes into this world. It's the nature of the beast."

Caleb didn't say anything. When he raised his hand to wipe it down his jaw, it was shaking. And he prayed and prayed that Maddie would be okay, because they had a lot to talk about … and Caleb had a lot to tell her.

"I can see why my daughter loves you, Caleb. You're a good man."

Thomas chose that moment to appear and after Cindy recounted everything that the doctor said and Maddie's older brother calmed down enough to take a seat, Caleb could still sense that there was tension between the two of them. There might always be tension between them, but Caleb hoped that one day, they would reach a good place.

Another hour came and passed. By the time the doctor who'd been operating on Maddie finally appeared, Caleb felt like he'd aged five years in five hours.

"How is she?" he asked, all three of them standing from their seats.

Caleb felt pure relief when the doctor said, "She's fine and so is the baby. Everything went perfectly. You'll be able to see her soon."

And Caleb wondered if, perhaps, there was a higher power after all.

When one of the nurses finally allowed them to visit her, she was awake, although a little groggy, since anesthesia had been necessary, despite the lighter dose. She'd be monitored throughout the day, but could be released later that night if the doctor signed off on it. When Dr. Taylor said it was a quicker recovery time, she hadn't been kidding.

The moment he saw her, a burst of emotion fizzled in his chest and he could finally relax after the hours of uncertainty and fear he'd just experienced.

They'd been sitting with her in the recovery room for a few hours when Cindy said, "Thomas, let's go find the cafeteria. I'm starving." She squeezed Caleb's hand. "We'll be back in a little while."

Sixth sense, indeed.

Maddie was more awake now. He pulled his chair closer to the bed and she rested her cheek on the pillow so she could look at him. Threading their fingers together, being mindful of the IV still in her arm, he brought her hand to his lips.



       
         
       
        

"You don't look so good," she murmured, teasing.

His lips twitched. "Neither do you, princess."

"I just had surgery. What's your excuse?"

"Going through hell and back," he deadpanned.

She sobered and was quiet for a moment. "I'm just glad everything is fine."

He kissed her palm. "I don't know what I would've done, Maddie, if things turned out differently."