Beyond Broken(124)

He remembered that day in the courtyard when they were in high school. Of course, he hadn't realized that girl and Maddie were one in the same, but he remembered that brutal pain and loss in her brown eyes and remembered sitting with her. He remembered feeling helpless, but not in the same way that his aunt had made him feel. It was a good helplessness because he could at least offer comfort to someone who needed it. 

Caleb realized that Maddie was the person who understood him best in the world. Even over his friends, Brian, his uncle. She'd seen all facets of him, but mostly the dark and the ugly, and she still loved him. He didn't deserve to be loved by someone like her.

"Maddie," he said.

"Yes?"

"I lied that night. In the garage. I know we're not just friends."

Her breath hitched as she stared. His gaze took in those big eyes that had gotten him into so much trouble in the first place, those light freckles that aroused him, that glorious hair he loved running his fingers through, and those soft lips he loved to kiss.

"And I know that I've given you no reason not to … but I need you to not give up on me," he told her. "Because I won't ever give up on us."





FORTY-FIVE





Maddie sighed and tossed her paperback onto her night table in frustration. Groaning, she tried to push into a more comfortable position. The baby felt like she was practicing for the Olympics inside her uterus and even though Maddie had just gone to the bathroom ten minutes ago, her bladder already felt like it was close to bursting.

Pregnancy was no joke. And she was only twenty-seven weeks in. Another three months like this? When everyday she would just get bigger and bigger and her body would ache more and more? She already felt overwhelmed but reminded herself to just take it one day at a time.

After relieving her bladder once again, she returned to bed and flipped off the light, in an attempt to go to sleep for the third time. It was two in the morning and she had class at eight. Her mom had gone to bed hours ago and Maddie had tried everything from reading one of her driest textbooks, to reading an old Penguin Classic, to listening to soothing music, to drinking a glass of warm milk. Her brain would just not shut off.

That and she'd been having some abdomen pain lately. She'd called her doctor the day before, but since her appointment was coming up, he just told her that she might feel some discomfort since the baby was two pounds now and that he'd give her a thorough check-up when she came in.

It had been almost two weeks since she'd seen Caleb, the longest two weeks of her life, it seemed. That day, sitting with him in his car as he told her about his aunt's abuse, had been rough and emotional. Just thinking about it brought another flurry of anger towards his aunt.

And what he'd said … how could she not feel a flutter in her chest every time she thought about him saying he wouldn't give up on them? Just remembering that familiar look of determination in his eyes made her pulse soar.

But so far, he'd done nothing and Maddie battled with the potent disappointment she felt, which only served to confuse her even more. She'd wanted space, hadn't she? She'd been convinced that they weren't right for each, that they should try and live separate lives, but then he'd done the one thing that she'd been trying to get him to do for months … he'd opened up to her about his abuse. It had given her hope. Maddie allowed herself to entertain the notion that perhaps this was a first step in the right direction. If he could open up to her, trust her with his darkest memories, then perhaps he'd be open to the possibility of a relationship.

Yet, besides his daily calls, he'd made no attempt to see her.

She shouldn't even be as pissed as she felt over that. He wasn't doing anything wrong, but she couldn't help but wonder if he'd changed his mind.

This up and down with him, feeling uncertain one moment and so sure the next, was tiring. But this space had given her a lot of time to think and process. She realized that perhaps she had given up too soon. She'd always known that Caleb was prickly, that he had a temper, and he said things he didn't mean. She also knew that he was loyal, devoted, and treated her like a queen when they were together.



       
         
       
        

He was as complicated as complicated could be.

So, she decided that she'd try not to overanalyze anything. She'd just go with what felt natural in the moment, take things day-by-day, and see where they came out on the other side.

It didn't change the fact that she missed him like crazy though. She missed Peter. She missed their house. She missed everything.

Maddie shifted onto her other side, trying to get more comfortable, but the ache in her abdomen was back. She tried sitting up in bed to see if the change in position would help, but it just made it worse.