Beyond Broken(112)

Maddie felt her throat tighten at the emotion in his voice. She expected to start crying yet again, which was exactly what she'd done at the ultrasound appointment.

Dr. Cochrane had reassured her that it happened all the time when she'd tried to apologize. Caleb had seemed struck speechless as he peered hard at the monitor where the blurry outline of their baby was displayed.

"I know," she whispered, stomach fluttering, and it had nothing to do with the baby. "I can't believe she's due in less than four months. I don't feel ready."

She worried that she'd make an awful mother. She didn't know anything about taking care of babies. Her mother had assured her that it was natural to feel that way, that she hadn't known what the hell she was doing when Thomas was born. Eventually, everything would fall into place.

"We'll figure it out," he said, the quiet confidence in his voice wrapping around her, comforting her.

Maddie was beyond relieved that she had someone there to support her in all this. How single mothers did it, she had no clue, but they must be some strong, strong women.

"And we should probably get started on a nursery," he added.

She was positive he felt her mouth turn into a smile against his shoulder. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

They both went quiet again. Maddie wondered where Caleb wanted to put the nursery. The fourth bedroom was a spare room, but Caleb used it as his office on occasion, and Peter had some art supplies in there. That left the guest bedroom that Caleb had been sleeping in before he started sleeping with her.

Sometimes, when Maddie had time to just stop for a moment and think, she marveled at the direction her life had turned. Obviously, nothing had gone according to plan, and she wondered whether she would change anything if given the chance. If she did, she wouldn't be growing life inside her, a life that she was growing to love more and more each day. She wouldn't have been given a second chance with Caleb. And there was no one else that she could even picture sharing a life with. These past few months had been some of the happiest of her life. He made her happy.

Of course, nothing was ever perfect. Their future was still tumultuous. But Maddie had been trying to stay in the present, to enjoy what was happening in the moment, to embrace her pregnancy and make the best out of an unplanned and unconventional situation.

So far, it had been working out well. Very, very well.

Some things, however, weighed heavy on Maddie's mind, like where she and Caleb stood. Ever since she started showing, her classmates, and even some professors, had tried to slyly pry into her love life. Some commented that they hadn't even known she was seeing someone, to which she blushed and stuttered something incoherent. Or they would ask whether 'the father' wanted a girl or a boy.

She wasn't even sure if Caleb could be considered her boyfriend. They'd never talked about a serious, monogamous relationship. They'd never even gone out a date, unless she counted that one time after she told him she was pregnant and he practically force fed her every entree off a restaurant menu because he thought she'd lost too much weight.

And she was too cowardly to bring it up. Didn't that tell her something? She was afraid of what his reaction might be and wondered whether he'd pull away from her because of it. She liked what they'd come to build with each other. She liked waking up to him and going to sleep with him every night. She liked that he teased her in the kitchen every morning after he came back from his morning run and that he dropped Peter off at school on his way to work. She liked that he checked up on her throughout the day and that she could call him whenever she wanted. She liked their quiet, peaceful evenings together and the passion that followed once Peter went to bed.



       
         
       
        

She didn't want to mess up anything. But how long could she continue to hold her tongue? How long could she continue to deny her instincts and not just blurt out that she loved him? How long could she keep fooling herself and thinking that everything would just work itself out eventually?

That was the worst part because Maddie just knew that Caleb loved her too. He might not have realized it; or he might've realized it, but he just didn't want to acknowledge it. It was in everything that he did … in the way that he kissed her, and watched her as she told him about what she'd studied that day, and the way his voice softened when he called her 'princess.' It was in his smile and laugh, both of which he now offered more freely, or when he couldn't seem to keep his hands off her, or the way his eyebrows drew together in concern whenever her hormones got the best of her.