Between You and Me(60)

He paused. "You sound angry."

"I am," she admitted. "You've been contacting me less, which stings as  it is. Now I find out she's worse and you're quitting my family through a  formal group email?"

"I'm not quitting your family," he said. "I'm giving some of my houses  to Richie because I'm not going to have the time to devote to them.  Something's gotta give. I'm taking care of my professional obligations."

"Who are you talking to?" she exploded in a shout. She sprung up from  the couch to pace wildly. "This is me, Logan. You're talking to me like  I'm a fucking client."

"You are one of my clients."

"Not anymore. Right?" Her heart pounded, her blood raced. "And we've  been a hell of a lot more to each other than that. So tell me the truth.  Is this really about reassigning your jobs, or about getting away from  me? Because I can't shake the feeling that in spite of everything we  shared, all the wonderful things you said and did, you're doing your  best to get away from me now, and this is just part of it."

Again he paused, then said in a low, deliberate tone, "Tess, my whole world doesn't revolve around you."

She stopped in her tracks, the air rushing out of her lungs. His rebuke  felt like a slap. Embarrassment washed over her, but was quickly  replaced by icy anger. She let it drape over her like a familiar cloak.  "I never thought it did, thank you very much."

"Tess, look-"

"No, forgive me, Mr. Carter." She put on her coolest boardroom tone,  even as it was hard to breathe. "Certainly your daily responsibilities  have nothing to do with me. The assumption was my mistake, based on  emotion and our history. I won't let that happen again."

"Stop it," he spat. "Don't go all Ice Queen on me. Clearly you're mad, but just hear-"

"Tell me about Annmarie," she said.

"Dammit, Tess-"

"Please tell me what's going on with her," Tess insisted. "That's all I want to know at this point."

He swore under his breath, then said tersely, "She's getting weak. She  called me three days ago because she'd fallen and didn't have the  strength to get up. I had to scoop her off her bedroom floor. Scans show  the cancer's in her bones now. So yeah, it doesn't get better from  here, only worse."

"I'm so sorry," she murmured, her eyes closing. Damn. Damn it all to hell. "I wish you'd told me."

"You're pregnant," he bit out. "I thought upsetting you needlessly wasn't good for you and the baby."

"I'm pregnant," she echoed, "but I'm not some delicate flower. I'm in  perfect health. You don't have to spare me from things." She drew a  shaky breath. "I thought . . . I thought we were a team. What happened  to that?"

"You're gone," he said, and the seething anger she heard shook her to  the core. "This isn't your problem, it's not your responsibility, it's  not your anything."

She thought she might throw up. She swallowed back bile, then swallowed  again to try to loosen the lump in her throat. Finally, she managed  softly, "Again, forgive me. I thought we were close. I thought we meant a  lot to each other."

"Tess-"

"Even though I'm not physically there, I wanted to continue to support  you however possible. I see now you don't want that, and I was mistaken.  My apologies. Please send Annmarie my best. I won't call you again."  She ended the call and tossed the phone onto the couch.

She realized her hands were trembling. So were her insides. What the  hell had happened? Why was he being like this? Working so hard to push  her away? She wrapped her arms around her middle and started to cry. It  didn't matter. Clearly he felt nothing for her like she felt for him.  She'd misread him horribly and felt like a fool. Hurting, angry, and  upset about Annmarie, Tess sank onto the couch, dropped her head into  her hands, and cried.                       
       
           



       

* * *

"Jesus Christ, you're a hot mess."

Logan looked up from his untouched lunch. "What are you talking about?"

"You. You're moping." Annmarie shook her head slowly. "I mean, you've  been a wreck since Tess left, but you're in rare form today. What  happened?"

"Don't wanna talk about it," he grumbled, looking back down at his  plate. He nudged the wild rice around aimlessly with his fork, pushing  it into a pile beside the roasted chicken he had no appetite for.

"It might help to talk about it," she said.

He glanced up at her. "Nope."

"Oh boy. This is classic Logan. Old Logan, the one I thought was gone.  Pfffft." She tsked and reached for her water glass with a slow hand.  After she took a few sips, she said, "So you want to hear what I was  thinking?"

"Sure."

"I was thinking after I die, you should move to New York and marry Tess."

He snorted and laughed ruefully. "Not gonna happen."

"Why not? You love her, she loves you. Why the hell not?"

His eyes rested on her drawn face. "She loves me, huh?"

"Of course she does," Annmarie scoffed. "I've never seen a woman so in  love. And I'll tell you something else. I never once saw Rachel look at  you the way Tess does. Not once, in all those years."

Logan's eyes widened. He didn't say a word. He reached for his water  glass and gulped before saying, "She's not in love with me, Mom."

Annmarie scoured his features, then her mouth made a little twist. "My  God . . . You never said the words to her, did you?" she murmured. Her  gaze locked on his like a hawk. "Tell me the truth. You've never said it  to her, have you? Told her you love her."

"No."

"Jesus Christ, for a smart man, you're so damn stupid." She picked up  her napkin off her lap and tossed it onto the table in disgust. "Why the  hell not? What are you protecting yourself from? The incredible woman  who's obviously in love with you? What is wrong with you?"

"I can't do this," he snarled, pushing away from the table. He got to  his feet and drew a deep breath, trying to rein in his emotions. He  placed his fists on the table and leaned on them. "There's a lot going  on you don't . . . You don't understand, Mom."

"I understand you," she said. "I understand you're so afraid of losing  someone you care about, you haven't let yourself get close to anyone  since Katrina, since Rachel walked out on you, since all of that. Guess  what?" Her stare was unflinching. "I'm dying. I'll be gone soon. You're  going to lose me."

"Stop it," he snapped.

"You're going to lose me, my sweet boy," she said. "But you're going to  survive it. Just like you survived everything else. Life goes on. So  will you."

He stared back at her, his heart thumping so hard he thought it might explode out of his chest.

"So . . ." Annmarie rose slowly, eyes still locked on him. "Do you want  to live your life, or just survive it? There's a big difference."

He felt the blood rush to his face, heard it rush through his ears.

"Being alone isn't going to spare you heartache, Logan," she said. "It's  just going to make you even more miserable. Don't you get that yet?  You're not protecting yourself. You've been hiding."

"I have not," he said.

"Bullshit. Yes, you were. You were until you met Tess. And boom, you  were alive again, for the first time in years." She shook her head at  him. "You lose her, and you'll lose the best thing that's ever happened  to you. And for what, self-protection? You're going to live a long,  lonely life. Just like I did after your father died. Congratulations."

He couldn't move. He stood there and stared at her, heart pounding relentlessly, breath stuck in his lungs.

"Tess can live fine without you," his mother said. "She's strong as  hell. Stronger than you, my dear boy. And she's incredible. Beautiful,  smart, kind. So tell me something. You think she'll be alone for long?  Because I'm here to tell you: no way. Someone will scoop her up."                       
       
           



       

He scowled and scrubbed his hands over his face. It was all true.  Nothing he hadn't thought before, but to hear someone else say it made  it sting worse.

Annmarie went to him, her hands lifting to cup his face, over his beard.  She looked up into his eyes . . . She seemed smaller. Frail. His heart  squeezed over that for the thousandth time. She commanded, "Don't let  her go. You'll regret it for the rest of your life, Logan. I'm not  kidding."

"She's already gone, Mom," he murmured raggedly. "I've been pushing her away, and as of last night, I think it finally took."