Being Kalli(67)
25
“You can’t honestly tell me you haven’t seen Nate in a week and a half!” Scout cries as we hang in the lecture theatre until the lecturer starts.
In case you don’t know, lecture theatres were built with one purpose: to allow noises to travel loud and far, and to reach every inch of airspace in the damn room. So in case you still aren’t getting a visual, knowing that all fifty or so students who have arrived and are waiting isn’t good for my situation right now.
“The hell?”
Scout attempts to clamp her palm over my mouth, but her words are long gone.
“Sorry?” Scout shout-whispers once we’re several feet from the door outside.
“I’m not embarrassed; I don’t give a shit about that,” I say. “I do, however, care that Nate’s mates are in our lecture.”
Yep, it dawns on her the massive naïveté of her actions, in that little O that forms from her mouth.
“Well … well, it’s your fault.”
I give her a look. She fidgets a bit before finding a bench at the wall and I stand my ground for a moment longer, then seat myself as a little act of defiance.
“How’s that?” I ask, uttering very, very slowly. I give her another look.
“Because.” She flips a bit of her hair that’s sticking out behind her ear. “You practically said you guys hadn’t spoken.”
“I have a feeling you’re not listening to a word I say.”
“Huh?” Her eyebrows stiffen along with her confused expression.
“I said we hadn’t seen each other.” I drop my palms on my thighs and let out a breath. I begin, “We’ve talked on the phone, texted, Skyped. He’s been supportive about Mum, asked how my meeting with Geoffrey and his team went. In fact, he’s asked how cold I think it is, how the twins are, and we’ve chatted about my awesome concert performances, about his photography. Ya getting me?”
Scout nods.
“I don’t even believe I’m saying this, but we’re both avoiding saying I love you. We talked a lot about me and us on our date. I still feel all naked. I dunno, I’m embarrassed with him saying all those truthful things about me, some of which I didn’t know.
“I’m the one who’s scared here, aren’t I? Nate’s felt this way for much longer. We can talk for ages, but I find myself planning in my head as we talk what I can bring up next to stay on the phone, and then we both say bye and linger with pointless chat until we hang up as cowards.”
“Nate isn’t as confident and pig-headed as he can appear sometimes, but we both know that. I really think he’s assuming saying the big ILY is a step too far. If I had to pretend to be him, you ran away pretty damn fast last time he tried to make a move on the next level.”
“Everything has changed!”
“The only other thing I can think of is that you’re—”
“Yeah, yeah,” I say. “I’m intimidating to guys. I know.”
“Exactly.”
“Trust you to feel sorry for him and not me.”
“You don’t want me to feel sorry for you.”
I lick my lips and tighten them but a giggle escapes anyway. “Touché.”
“I’m cutting you a deal.”
“I like deals.”
“First, class. How many have we skipped recently?”
“Doesn’t matter to me.” I grin. “I’m deferring. You know that.”
Having marked my wish to withdraw from the course, I’ve been told it’ll be finalised within a day or so now and I’ll be free, only having wasted a lovely sum of money paying for my tuition thus far. I don’t have to be here but Scout is here all day, and I wanted to hang with her. Scout, being the nerdy girl she is, wanted me to walk her to the lecture, as if that would matter if I snuck in one more information session before leaving.
“Whatevs. Okay.” Scout sighs. “You get it together with Nate and I’ll tell my parents and sister about being gay.”
Staring at her eyes, she seems too into this “deal” considering she’s got more to be anxious about, more to lose, than I do. Yet here she is, eyes wide and face glowing. I feel happy vibes from her, as if she’s looking forward to it.
“Scout.” I turn and drag her inwards by her upper arms. “What happened with you two?”
“Dad and I?”
“No, you and your girlfriend, Steph. You look post-orgasm every time she comes up in conversation the last few days.”
“We’re just really happy, and I want to share that, finally.”
Well, that makes sense. But still, it just clicked how glowing Scout looks, inside and out. I wonder if she’s in love, too, since she’s ready to blow open her biggest fear and face possible rejection by her parents.