Before the Dawn(54)

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He and Jason had stayed in the dark, sweat soaking them, their lips cracked and dry. He'd vomited in that closet, again and again, but his father hadn't cared. They'd stayed in the dark, in the heat, with that mess all around them.

Hell. But their father had been careful. Just in case. "He'd never wanted to be caught, so...he took us out to the cabin."

She went white.

Yes, baby. I am so sorry. The same cabin that Jason took you to so long ago. "Neighbors would think we were going on a family trip, but we knew he was just going to kick our asses. To lock us up. He liked hurting us. When things went wrong for him-and they went wrong a lot-he took it out on us." In that fucking cabin.

He'd hated the place.

"It was so hot there during the summer. Sweat would soak us in minutes. We'd stay huddled in the closet and..." This is the worst part. But I have to tell her. "And Jason would swear that one day, he'd be surrounded by ice. He'd stay cold forever and the heat wouldn't touch him."

Her hand rose to her mouth. She stared at him, horrified understanding in her eyes.

"To get us through those long hours, he used to tell me to imagine that we were far away. Snow and ice were all around us. The ice was cooling us down, making us safe."

A tear tracked down her cheek.

"That's why he froze them. He wanted them to stay cold forever." He'd figured that out long ago. Just as he'd figured out so much about his brother. Too late. "When you're abused like that...when you grow up the way we did, your mind can get bent, Dawn."

She backed up a step. It hurt, but he understood. She'll never want me touching her again. He should have kept his hands off her. She was probably remembering what they'd done together-hours before-and hating him.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Her voice was a rasp.

"Because it was my fault." Truth. Savage. Dark. Ugly. The ugly truth that had kept him away from her for so long. "I knew what he was capable of doing-I knew what we were both capable of. I should have watched him closer. I thought...I'd found a way to channel myself. Maybe he had, too."

A furrow was between her brows.

"It was why I joined the Navy. I was going crazy on the inside. I needed risk. I needed the adrenaline rush and I needed to do something to make a fucking difference." His breath eased out slowly. "I was different-and it was seen. I was good at the missions, almost too good. I didn't slow down, didn't let emotions get in my way. I could be a perfect weapon." 

"Y-you're not a weapon. You're a person."

When he'd been with her, he'd felt differently. He'd felt peace, not that terrible yawning emptiness.

"You told Samantha Dark your truth. But not me." Her eyes narrowed. "And you're only telling me now...because I heard you talking to your partner. You thought I was asleep. You thought I wouldn't know."

Don't lie. "Yes."

She shot toward him once more. Her hands lifted as if she'd touch him, but she froze, stopping herself. Is she afraid to touch me now?

"Why?" The one word was ragged, pain-filled. "Why do they get to know your secrets, but I don't?"

Because they don't matter to me the way you do. "They can look at me as if I'm a monster and it doesn't matter to me. But when you stare at me that way..." The way she was looking at him right then. "You rip me up inside."

Her lower lip trembled.

There's more, baby. So much more she didn't know. More that even Samantha didn't know. Some secrets were too dark to share.

"I should have stayed closer to my brother. I should have watched him better. I should have stopped him before the first girl was ever hurt." But after they'd gotten out of school, Jason had seemed better. Their father had been dead, burning in his hell, and everything had truly seemed better. Tucker had thought he was the dangerous one. So he'd enlisted in the Navy. He'd tried to get his life on track. Tried to be a better man.

And he'd seen-too late-what he'd left behind.

"I don't know who Jason may have gotten close with while I was gone. But those killings only happened while I was deployed. If he had a partner...he didn't bring the guy around me. He kept the SOB hidden, but I will find him. I won't stop until I do."

Dark shadows lined her eyes.

"Jason Frost is dead, and the guy out there hunting? He's going to be caught and locked away in jail for the rest of his life." Caged.

You know I can't survive in a cage. Jason's voice, floating through his head.

She looked down at her hands. Dawn had twisted them in front of her. "Are there more secrets?"