Before Jamaica Lane (On Dublin Street #3)(99)

Literally, in this case.

Sucking in my breath, I threw open room five and charged in.

I hit an invisible wall, my body tensing at the sight of Nate leaning against the table, his arms crossed over his chest, his ankles crossed casually.

The door slammed shut behind me, jerking me out of my stupor.

'What are you doing here?' I demanded, my hands clenching into fists at my sides.

'Angus helped me out.'

That traitor! 'Oh, he is so off the Christmas list,' I fumed.

Nate's lips twitched. 'Don't do anything drastic. I was quite persuasive. The poor guy couldn't help himself.'

'Oh, I'm sure.' Angus had probably melted under Nate's warm, chocolaty gaze. 'Now if you don't mind, you need to leave.' I gestured to the door, trying not to visibly shake. I felt like I hadn't seen him in a hundred years and I did not like the warm fuzzies I was getting in my stomach from just being in his presence.

'I can't. I need to explain something first.' He stood up and to my utter shock he began to pull his T-shirt up and off.

'What are you doing?' I snapped, reaching forward to stop him, until my eyes caught sight of his tattoo.

My heart began to thud. Loudly.

His eyes never leaving me, Nate dumped his T-shirt on the desk. 'I made the change to the tattoo a few weeks ago. What you said during our breakup  …  it got inside me, Liv. I've had a lot of time to think, to process. To move on. And this'  –  he gestured to the tat  –  'I wanted to talk to you about it, what it means, since the day I got it.'

The stylized 'A' on his chest had been expanded to the word 'After.'

A lump the size of Mexico formed in my throat.

Nate took a step toward me, his gaze intense, raw, and his words were low and rough with emotion as he said, 'Before you, there was Alana. I can't change that, Liv, and I don't want to. She was my first love. It was a simpler kind of love. It was the love of two children.' He searched my face, apparently trying to gauge my reaction to this, but I was stupefied. Nate continued quietly, 'I always thought that I kept a distance from women because I knew I'd never be able to love someone the way I loved her. I was wrong. I kept my distance because I was afraid of finding the kind of love my parents have, and I was afraid of what it would do to me if I lost that kind of love.' He took another step toward me and with each step he stole another breath from me. 'I never meant to fall in love with you. But I did. I felt it the first night I made love to you. I tried to walk away then because I've never felt so lost and yet so fucking found as I felt that night looking into your eyes as I moved inside you. I thought I should walk away  …  but I couldn't stay away from you.' He smiled. 'Totally fucking addicted at the first taste of you. I'm so sorry I put you through hell. I'm sorry I was selfish. I'm sorry I ever made you doubt what you knew was between us from the start. Because it has been there since we met, Liv. The sex lessons just pushed it to the fore. Since we met, I've enjoyed being around you more than anyone else. I laugh harder with you. I feel more myself with you. I trust you with me  –  the real me. When something goes wrong, or right, or I hear a funny joke, or I see something bizarre, you're the first person I want to talk to about it. Fuel all that with the best fucking sex I've ever had in my life, and it's no wonder I'm a goner.' His voice deepened again as he took one last step toward me. 'I want you all the time, Olivia. The past few weeks have been torture without you. And despite what you might still think, I promise there has been no one else. How could there ever be?' 

I didn't even realize I was crying until he cupped my face to catch my tears on his thumb.

'Alana was my first love and I'll never forget her. She's a part of me and always will be. But I know it's time to move forward, it's time to start living in the after. You're that for me, Liv. You're the love of my life.'

The sob burst forth before I could stop it and Nate caught me, leaning his forehead against mine as he rubbed his hands soothingly down my arms.

'Please, Liv. Please tell me what I need to do to make sure you believe that.'

I swallowed, trying to calm the ache in my chest that was causing the sobs. Sucking in a deep breath, I gazed down at his chest and gently touched the new tattoo.

After

I tilted my head back to give him a watery smile. 'You've already done it.'

Nate's arms slid around me, his head dipping so he could growl against my lips, 'I love you so fucking much.'

My heart jumped and I closed my eyes in pure relief. 'I love you, too.'

He kissed me.

Hard.

And I clung on for dear life.

We stumbled back against the table as we kissed each other as if it were the last time we'd get the chance. Turning us, Nate lifted me onto the table without breaking our connection and I immediately wrapped my legs around him, urging him closer. My hands pressed deep into the muscles in his back as he gripped my hips. I sucked on his tongue and felt his answering hard-on nudge insistently between my legs.