Becoming Calder(72)

Mother Miriam nodded. "The girl who brought it, that simple one, wanted me to tell you the lace on the bottom might seem heavy, but it's only because extra stones were used in the adornment. She repeated herself six or seven times. I suppose she's worried you'll complain," she said, rolling her eyes and shaking her head as if she'd endured some torturous event in having to have a conversation with her at all. I cringed slightly. I'd give anything to talk to Maya for just a few moments, to know the girl whom Calder loved so fiercely.

"Thank you," I said simply, moving down the bed and toying with the delicate material.

Mother Miriam regarded me for a second and then turned to leave.

"Why do you hate me so much?" I asked matter-of-factly, still staring down at my veil.

Mother Miriam turned around to face me again, little expression on her face. "I beg your pardon?"

I looked down at my fingers on the white gauze and then back up at her, holding eye contact. "It's just . . . I've never done a thing to you. I tried so hard to make you proud by being the best piano player I could be. I tried to be polite and obedient. I . . . tried to make you love me. And you never showed me a moment of tenderness, not one. Why? What did I do to you to make you look at me with such hatred?"

Mother Miriam was silent for a second, seeming to decide whether to answer me or not. Finally, her eyes seemed to dim. "You took him away from me," she said simply.

I furrowed my brows, hurt filling me even though I wished I could have shrugged off being hurt by Mother Miriam long ago.

"I was just a little girl," I said.

She looked me up and down. "You're not any longer, though, are you?"

Then she turned and walked out of my room, shutting the door quietly behind her.

I sat there for a minute, staring at the place where she'd just stood, wondering at the unfairness of life and of love. And wondering if the gods were real, why didn't they intervene in situations like this, where I loved Calder, and Miriam loved Hector? Maybe if they interfered just a little bit, we could all have the love we wanted.

But the gods weren't interested in our piddling problems I supposed, not when they had bigger issues to handle, like floods and famines, and how exactly to end the world.

My eyes went back to the veil sitting at the end of my bed and I touched it again, picturing Maya's fingers sewing the fabric to the lace, attaching each and every gem with the utmost care, piecing together the veil that would ultimately take me away from her brother.

I rubbed a finger over one of the larger pearls. Maya hadn't called them gems. She'd called them stones. Six or seven times, Miriam had said. Extra stones were used.

I stared at the veil for another few seconds and then I picked it up and began moving my fingers along the hem, feeling over the lace and the gemstones until I came upon a place where there weren't any gems sewn to the outside, but a hard lump that indicated something was sewn between the lace. My heart picked up speed. It felt flat and hard and about the size of a coin. I brought my teeth to the lace and ripped it right open. What did I care? It was beautiful, but I'd never wear the thing.

I stuck my finger in the small tear and ripped it open wider. My fingers touched something smooth and so I turned the piece of hem upside down and a small, smooth river rock fell out onto my lap, almost perfectly round and as smooth as any one of the pearls Maya had used on my veil. I sucked in a breath and brought my hand up over my mouth.

He sifts through all the pebbles until he finds the smoothest one he can, and presents it to her as a token of his love.

I picked the pebble up and brought it to my chest, holding it there for several minutes as my heart burst with happiness.

I took my pebble and placed it under my pillow, laying it in my "nest." "Yes," I whispered, "I accept you. A thousand times yes." And then I grinned to myself as I placed the pillow back over my offering of love.

I grabbed the veil back up and dug my fingers into the spot where I'd removed the pebble. After a second, I felt two, very small pieces of paper and grasped them between my fingers, bringing them both out. The first one was small. I unfolded it quickly, my breath hitching again.

On the inside was a drawing of our rock at the spring and the number twelve written above it, inside a full moon. I frowned, glancing over at the calendar on my wall. Tonight was a full moon. Calder wanted me to meet him tonight—midnight—at our spring. My heart sped up again, practically tripping over itself.

The second piece of paper was even smaller and said, "Open carefully," on the outside in tiny letters. I did and when I unfolded the final corner, I looked down at a small pile of white powder. Written underneath were three “Zs”. Sleeping powder? For Hector?