Becoming Calder(32)

"Quit pacing. You're like a caged animal," my mom nagged.

I snorted softly, recalling Xander using those same words a few days before when we'd spoken.

"This damn rain," I muttered, sticking my head out the door, covered by a small wooden overhang.

"You want something to do, I have a hundred cans that need filled with tomatoes," my mom said, looking over her shoulder where she stood at the table. Cans were lined up neatly in front of her as was a large pot of peeled, cooling tomatoes. She was helping stockpile food for the winter months. It didn't get very cold here in the desert, even in winter, but everything had a season and tomatoes only flourished through November.

I breathed out, and reluctantly went to help with the canning. After a few minutes, I said, "Cans aren't provided by nature."

"What?" My mom looked up.

"Hector always says we should use the instruments and materials the gods have naturally provided for us, that using the wicked tools of the big society only corrupts our purity."

My mom didn't acknowledge me for a few minutes, just kept spooning tomatoes into cans. After a bit she said, "We use as little as we can from the big society. Some things simply can't be fashioned from rock, dirt, and tree branches."

"Oh, I see. So when it's convenient, we use what the gods have provided. I didn't get the updated version of the Holy Book. Maybe that's in the new edition," I said sarcastically.

My mom looked up sharply. "Calder! You're being blasphemous." Her voice was a whisper as if someone was listening in—the gods themselves perhaps—although you couldn't hide from the gods.

"We make many, many sacrifices as Hector's people." She waved her hand around the cabin. "No running water, no electricity."

"Yes, but clearly Hector doesn't make those same concessions. Why? Has anyone ever asked him? Perhaps the gods ordained it so? Is that it?"

"Calder," my mom hissed. I had never spoken to her this way and I was suddenly ashamed.

"I'm sorry, Mom. I shouldn't have said any of that."

She waved her hand in front of her. "It's the rain. It's gotten under your skin. This cabin is small for four. It will clear tomorrow, and this mood will lift. You'll see." She smiled at me and patted my cheek. I did my best to smile back.

We were quiet in our work for a minute. "You'll be able to marry soon if you wish. As soon as you've had your water cleansing," she said. "Have any of the girls caught your eye?"

Yes, as a matter of fact. Funny story, though . . .

"No."

My mom huffed out a breath. "Oh, Calder, surely one has." She hesitated in her canning, looking upward as if thinking. "Let's see, there are four girls here about your age. Lucie Jennings, Hannah Jacobson, Leah Perez, Sadie Campbell . . ."

"What does it matter anyway? The great floods draw closer every day," I interrupted.

My mom stopped her work and looked up at me. "Yes, and that's precisely why you want to take a wife. So you can bring her to Elysium with you."

I laughed a humorless laugh. "Maybe I should wait until I get there. What if the options are better?"

My mom narrowed her eyes at me and put down the ladle that was in her hands. "What's gotten into you?"

I let out a breath. "I just . . . don't you ever question things, Mom? Don't you ever have questions you wish someone other than Hector would answer?"

Her eyes went to the small window next to her for a minute. Finally, she looked back at me. "We'll never have all the answers to all the questions, Calder. But Hector is good and Hector has only our best interests at heart. That's all I need to know, and that's all you need to know. The devil is testing your faith and you must win against him." She picked up the ladle and began working again before continuing on. "You know, if not for Hector, you wouldn't even be here. He saved my life, Calder, and he saved your dad's life, too. He gave us a family, a purpose."

"I know, Mom," I responded. She had told me the story many times, how she and my dad had grown up in loveless homes where harsh beatings were a daily occurrence. They had met Hector when they were both eighteen, when he was on one of his missions. My mom had been pregnant with Maya and they didn't have anywhere to go. Hector showed them the first kindness they had ever known, and they were thrilled to know they were meant to be two of his people, and among the first to live on Acadia. It was the very first time they'd felt their lives had meaning.

My mom waved her hand around our small cabin. "This may not look like much, but there is peace here. There is order here. There is faith, and there is purpose. We're all very lucky. Blessed. I know sometimes the simplicity of life here seems difficult. But there is peace in simplicity. The big society is filled with chaos, uncertainty, and hurt. Believe me, I know." She looked at me out of the corner of her eye. "Have you had a good life, Calder?"