Beautifully Damaged(36)

"Can I buy you a drink?"

"Yes."

Trent looked from me to the man before grabbing his drink and vacating his spot as he leaned over and kissed my forehead. When he spoke it was more for the man than me, "I'll be right over there."

I watched Trent leave and the man slid into his vacant seat before he reached for my hand.

"Lucien."

"Ember."

"You've got quite a voice, Ember."

"Thank you."

"I've never seen you here before."

"No, Trent and I usually go to a place in the Village but we've heard a lot about this place so we thought to give it a try."

"I'm really glad that you did."

I reached for my glass as I held his gaze, "Are you here to listen or to play?"

"Both."

"Yeah, what do you play?"

"Sax."

"Have you played yet?"

"I'm up in a bit."

"I look forward to hearing you."

It was worth the wait. Lucien was good -- really good -- and later that night when he asked to kiss me, he was good at that, too. Before I left he asked me for my number and when our cab pulled away, he stood on the sidewalk watching.

The following morning I awoke and to my surprise, Trace was actually home. I dressed before walking into the kitchen to see Trace was already at the stove scrambling some eggs.

"Good morning."

He turned to me and -- yes, I knew I was moving on and that I wasn't really given a choice in the matter but, damn it all -- he was just everything I wanted.

"Good morning, Ember."

I supposed that was as good a time as any to tell him that I was moving out so I grabbed a stool at the island and took a deep breath before I just said it.

"I've been apartment hunting and I found a place I like." I saw as his body stiffened but I just continued on.

"I'm moving out, Trace, just as you asked, but I need you to know that I want to stay."

I waited for him to say "Yes, stay" but he didn't even acknowledge that I was speaking to him. My heart hurt as I forged on.

"Thank you so much for letting me stay here."

He remained completely still and if I hadn't witnessed the tensing of his shoulders I wouldn't have thought he heard me at all. I didn't understand why he was pulling so far away from me but it really hurt.

My phone rang then and as I reached for it, I saw it was Lucien. I stood to exit the room. I hit the answer button and said as I put the phone to my ear, "I just wanted you to know." I walked from the room as I offered, "Hi, Lucien."

"Good morning. Would you have dinner with me tonight?"

"Yes, I'd love that."

"How's Delaney's sound?"

"Perfect."

"I'll come for you around seven?"

"How about I meet you there?"

"Okay, See you tonight, Ember."

"See you at seven."

I hung up the phone as I reached my room and walked to my closet to grab my bags so I could start packing. I hadn't realized Trace was standing in the doorway until he spoke, "Who was on the phone?"

I looked up at him and though he looked calm, I had the sense that he was actually more like a hurricane off the coast with all of that deadly energy stirring to life.

"A friend. I met him last night."

"You're going to dinner with him?"

"Yes."

His hands actually balled into fists and it looked as if he wanted to rip something to shreds. His contrary behavior stirred my own temper. I turned fully to him as I put my hands on my hips.

"What exactly is the problem?"

"You don't even know this guy."

"No, that's what dating is for! You should know all about dating, what with Siobhan and who knows how many others. You pushed this on me. This is what you wanted!"

He was clenching his jaw so hard I thought he might actually break a tooth. What the hell?

I continued, "Look I get it. There's a whole part of you that you are unwilling to share. You don't want people close and it's easier for you to stay alone so you don't have to be human. You want to be a cyborg? Then be one, but you don't get to push me away one minute and then get pissed the next because I did as you wished. You didn't give me a say in this. You decreed how it was going to be between us so now you have to sit back and shut the fuck up!"

The change in him was startling as I watched a range of emotion cross over his face. For just a moment, I saw past the armor and the indifference to the damaged man underneath. Tears stung my eyes at the look of self-loathing and hatred that burned from those steel-blue eyes.

"Oh god, what happened to you, Trace?"

He offered nothing and then he said quite softly, "I can't hurt you like this, Ember. I do want you here."