Beautifully Awake(51)

“You come first, or we come together ... understand?” It wasn’t a question. It was an order. And probably the sexiest thing I ever heard. “Answer me, Blue.” The heat from his breath against my sex almost sent me over the edge.

My lips released him just long enough to pant, “Understand.”

His mouth assaulted my sex, lapping me, teasing me.

My mouth went on autopilot, sucking like my life depended on it. I moaned each time his warm tongue circled my tight bud. Then he thrust his hard tongue in and out. I exploded. He gently kissed my trembling sex and held me tight while the wave crested.

He rocked my world for the umpteenth time, and I wanted more than anything to do the same for him. “Your turn, baby,” I whispered in the sexiest voice I could muster. Then I made a conscious effort to relax the back of my throat and take him as deep as possible.

“So fucking deep, you’re going to kill me. Next one’s together. Hear me?”

Next one. There was no way. I couldn’t handle any more. I just wanted to focus on him.

His lips sealed over me again and he started to suck with the most exquisite amount of pressure. Then his finger slid through my wetness reaching further back. I tightly clenched as much as my position would allow. Nervous and embarrassed. This was definitely entering unchartered territory.

“Relax, baby. I would never hurt you. Trust me.” There were those words again. Trust me. I didn’t know how or why, but I did. I trusted him completely with my body and knew he would only ever bring me pleasure. Part of me wanted to believe I trusted him with my heart too. I was tired of over thinking, doubting. I just wanted to feel.



I whimpered loudly, unable to make any other sound, and tried to relax. His gentle seeking gave way to a push and a harsh, burning stretch. A painful sensation replaced by unadulterated pleasure. I was in ecstasy, throbbing for release, sucking furiously and writhing, until we both crashed over. Coming hard. Together. Un-fucking real.

“Oh Chase. I never...” My throat knotted as unexplained emotions pummeled me. Vulnerable and exposed, I held tight against his thigh.

“Baby, come here.” He pulled me tight to his chest, gently caressing my shoulders and back. “That was amazing.” I felt his smile under his lips as he kissed my forehead. My eyes fluttered shut to hide my emotions. “Look at me. I didn’t hurt you, did I?” I opened my eyes to see his distress.

This man brought me to a place I never even thought possible. “Oh Chase. Oh god, no, please don’t think that,” I whispered in a soft, strangled voice. The tension in his shoulders visibly relaxed, relief evident in his eyes. “It’s just...” I paused to collect my thoughts. His thumb softly caressed my cheek as he quietly waited for me to continue. “It’s just, I mean I never ... um ... felt like this before.” My words were so simple, almost cheesy, but the magnitude of my emotions was palpable.

My body trembled as I clung to his chest. I wanted to be closer. I would have climbed into his body if I could. His hold never loosened. He stroked my back as the peaceful tranquility filled in around us. There was nothing but the sound of our breathing and synced pulse of our heartbeats. I crossed over the line; I took a small step over the heap of crumbled wall. This wasn’t just about passion and lust and desire, this was something more. This was a benchmark that I didn’t think possible and somehow I thought I passed it.

Chase was quiet and tense most of the car ride across town, other than a few quick calls checking in at the hospital. His mood definitely took a change and not for the better.

“All of your patients okay?” I almost forgot that Chase was never really off. He wasn’t technically on-call, but his patients were still ultimately his responsibility.

“Yeah, just some post-op pain management issues. That jackass Carl is covering for anesthesia this weekend. He fucking sucks. His head is always up his ass. I had him banned from all of my cases, but they’re telling me there is nothing I can do when he’s on weekend call.” He looked disgusted. “So my patients have to suffer. It’s ridiculous. You’d think he was paying for the Fentanyl, he’s so fucking cheap with drips. I drill fucking holes in their skulls. Does he think they’re making it up? Two of my post-ops were in so much pain their blood pressure skyrocketed. When they fucking stroke out, he’s not the one who has to explain to their kids why their dads are gorked.” He scowled. “Now my third year has to sit and babysit blood pressures all day instead of prepping my cases for tomorrow. Bullshit.”



I laced my fingers in his. I definitely felt my share of responsibility toward the foster kids I worked with back in Wrangel, but I couldn’t begin to fathom the weight surgeons like Chase carried on their shoulders.