Beautiful Boy(44)

The soft splatter of freckles across the bridge of her nose added depth  to each take. The way she glanced down, her chin close but not touching  her bare shoulder, offered grace. Her dark hair covering her face in  another shot added a level of mystery I found hard to capture in most  shots. And the way she stood bare, naked, yet nothing seen past her arm,  past the way she'd positioned herself against the weathered bricks,  screamed sexy.

I picked up the robe up and handed it back to her. "That was beautiful.  Thank you so much, Adrianna, for allowing me to do this, and for  trusting me with your images. You can get dressed now."

"When do you think you'll have them ready?"

"You can come by anytime after next week to go through them. You can order whichever prints you want then."

She nodded, and for the first time since meeting her, a soft, gracious  smile curled the corner of her lips. It was the confidence on her face  that meant the most.

That was why I did this job.

"Why do you keep checking your phone?" Shari asked after sitting across  from me at my desk while we waited for Adrianna to change.

"Nolan." I tossed my cell on the desk and heaved a heavy sigh. "The last  time I heard from him was last night when he sent me a vague text about  not being able to make it to dinner tonight."

"He didn't tell you why?"

"No. He said he had to meet with someone."

"Okay … so what's the issue?" She leaned forward, pressed her elbow  against the edge of the desk, and propped her chin on her knuckles.

"He said he'd talk to me this morning, but I've sent him two text  messages and haven't heard back from him on either of them. It's just  not like him."

"Maybe he's sleeping."

I shook my head, knowing Nolan more than she did. "He doesn't sleep this late. He's usually up before the sun."

"So … what are you thinking?"

I shrugged, honestly having no idea what I thought about it. "Maybe he's  busy with his darkroom. He told me he's been working on it, which was  why I haven't seen him in days. He seemed excited about it, so maybe  he's just enjoying it."

"Which would be a good thing." Shari knew everything about Nolan,  because I'd told her. I hated the sense of betrayal that washed over me  at the thought of sharing his personal business with someone else, but I  couldn't handle it all on my own. I needed to talk to someone about it.  "You're good for him, Novah."         

     



 

I smiled at her, but before I could respond, Adrianna came back out.  Shari and I walked her to the door and thanked her, waiting a few  minutes before locking up so she wouldn't feel rushed.

"Want to hang out with me and Mike today?" Shari's eyebrows wagged as she delivered an excited grin.

"No. By the look on your face, you'll have me convinced to take pictures  of you two having some kind of crazy circus-style sex. I'll pass."

"You're missing out." Her singsong voice floated out the door behind her  as she left, leaving me to clean everything up. Although, I didn't  complain, since she'd set everything up for me.

I spent an hour at the studio organizing everything. I didn't have to  spend that much time doing it, but I'd been distracted with my phone,  constantly checking it every fifteen minutes. And I really needed  something to take my mind off Nolan.

Nothing worked.

Listening to Shari talk about sex with Mike made me think about Nolan. I  thought about how every time we'd been intimate had been a different  and new experience. And it made me look forward to more with him. It  made me think about how it'd be when he could finally let go and make  love to me.

I put everything away and tried texting him again.

Me: I don't know what time your plans are tonight, but I'm free and wondered if you'd like to get together before?

I knew better than to hold my breath for a reply, but I did anyway. And  it only let me down after I got home twenty minutes later and still  hadn't received anything back.

Worry began to weigh me down the longer it went without a word from him. I had to quiet my fears by making up a list of excuses.

His plans were for all day, not just the night.

He was called in for a job.

He left his phone at home.

He slipped and fell in his shower.

No, I refuse to think the worst.

Yet no matter how hard I tried to be positive about his silence, it  still nagged me. To keep busy, I decided to clean my entire house. Then,  I played around with Adrianna's pictures until I had a full spread of  finalized shots. At least those kept my mind occupied.

Once I put my computer away, I realized the time. It was after nine, and  still no word from Nolan. Instead of giving him time and space, I  grabbed my purse and headed over to his condo. I figured if he weren't  home, I'd wait for him and surprise him when he walked in by pulling a  scene straight from Pretty Woman. Tie and all.

Luckily, he'd let me keep the set of keys from when he'd given them to  me a couple weeks ago. He said he wanted me to have them as a show of  his commitment. Which had made me happy at the time. Now I felt  relieved.





The place was dark and quiet when I opened the door, which would have  led me to believe he wasn't home. But his car keys were on the table and  his shoes were next to the door. My heart rate increased until my  ribcage was bruised.

I called out his name a few times, not getting any response, so I made  my way down the hallway to his bedroom. The door was closed and no light  shone beneath it. Trying to remain quiet in the event he was asleep, I  carefully opened the door and made my way in, using my hands to guide me  as I blindly wandered to the bed.

As soon as my hand felt him beneath the blanket, I relaxed. I couldn't  fathom why he'd be asleep so early-it wasn't even ten o'clock yet-but I  assumed he'd had a bad day. I should've left him alone, but after  worrying over him all day, I couldn't. He'd be pissed if he woke up and  found me in bed with him, but I had to take that chance. I needed him,  and something told me he needed me as well.

I stumbled to the bathroom and flicked on the light. All I wanted to do  was wash my face and then take off my clothes before curling up with him  in bed. But then I saw it.

An empty medicine bottle on the counter.

I checked the label, realizing it was an old prescription for oxy. An  empty glass sat beside it with the cap lying on the floor at my feet.

Acid burned the back of my throat as my fears became reality. Not hearing from him all day. Asleep before ten at night.

No.

No.

No.

I gripped the bottle and flung the door open. Using the light from the  bathroom, I ran back to his bed, practically jumping on him. I shook  him, cried out for him to wake up. My sobs rippled through my entire  body as I clung to him, as I buried my face in his neck. His name ripped  through my chest in frantic, desperate cries, begging him to be okay.

I hated him.

I loved him.

And then I realized I'd never said those words to him. I thought he  wasn't ready to hear them. But then I wondered if maybe hearing them  could've helped him. Maybe he did this because he didn't feel loved?  What if this was because I hadn't said it to him?         

     



 

"I love you," I whispered into his bare chest. "I love you, Nolan. I'm  so sorry I didn't tell you before. I should've told you. I fucking love  you so much. Why did you do this? Why? How could you do this?" Panic  struck me deep, leaving my throat tight and on fire, silencing my cries.

The initial shock began to wane as a brutal wave of electricity took  over. My skin burned from the inside once reality set in. He didn't need  me to confess my love to him; it wouldn't save him. He needed help. I  began to pull away from him to find my phone, not remembering where it  was. All I knew was I needed to get it.

But as I tried to draw back, my movements met with resistance. It wasn't  until that moment when I realized his arms had, at some point, wrapped  around me. He wasn't sleeping. He was holding me against him, breathing  heavily into my hair.

How had I missed this?

How did I not feel any of this?

"Nolan?" My voice was weak and filled with tears, but also completely hopeful.

He shushed me and held me tighter. "Say it again," he demanded with a gritty, groggy tone.

"Say what again?"

"Tell me you fucking love me."

I relaxed into him and pressed my lips to his shoulder. "I fucking love you. And I fucking hate you."

"Do you love me more than you hate me?"

"I don't know right now."

He released his hold on me and let me go. I straddled his waist as I  tried to find his face in the faint bathroom light spilling into the  room.

"Please tell me you didn't do this." I held out the empty prescription  bottle in front of his face and watched as the shadows of his expression  fell. "Nolan … "

"I didn't take them." He began to sit up, which pushed me farther away from him until I climbed off his lap.

"Then why is there an empty oxy bottle next to a drinking glass in your  bathroom? And why are you asleep so early? You haven't responded to me  at all today."