Beautiful Boy(43)

I grabbed my dad's revolver, the one I'd stowed away in my nightstand,  and headed for the bathroom. I'd end it all. My father wouldn't have to  put his life on hold any longer. My mom wouldn't have to cry. And I  wouldn't have to live in pain anymore.

The water turned cold as it ran off me and swirled down the drain. I  hated reliving that day, hearing his words. I hated it even more knowing  how no matter what I did, nothing ever seemed to change with him.

I turned off the water, grabbed the towel I'd slung over the frosted  door, and wrapped it around me. My body convulsed from the frigid  temperature, but I didn't care. I didn't even bother dressing in the  clothes I'd pulled out before my shower.

After drying off and putting on a pair of boxers, I stood in front of  the mirror with my crutches and leaned against the counter. I stared at  myself, my dad's words turning into dark clouds inside my head.

Words from years ago.

Words from today.

They wouldn't go away. They grew louder, more obnoxious … more heinous.  Some of them I wasn't even sure were his, but possibly my own damaging  thoughts.

I blinked and realized I'd been holding an old bottle of pain medicine. I  didn't even remember pulling it out of the drawer, but I must have  because it was in my hand … and the top was off. One pill fell into my  palm, and then another. And then the whole bottle.

End it now.

Finish it.

I took one more look in the mirror at myself-the disfigured man before  me. And I did the only thing I could. The only thing that would make it  all go away.

I put an end to it.





Seventeen





"Shari," I whispered and pulled my friend aside, away from the girl in the studio. "How old is this girl?"

I'd picked up a client who could only come in this morning-a  Saturday-because she was an elite gymnast and couldn't make it to the  studio at regular times. So I had Shari come in and set up for me while  the girl filled out the release forms. That way, all I had to do was  come in and take the photos and be done for the weekend. But when I  arrived, I quickly questioned the client's age.         

     



 

"Eighteen. Almost nineteen in a few months. Why?" Her brow creased  heavily as she stared at me, curiosity brightening her brown eyes.

I shook my head and peeked through the door at the girl, watching her  stand in the middle of the room while she extended a foot and pointed  her toes toward the floor. "She looks so young." I turned my attention  back to my friend. "Is this a sign of old age? When I look at an  eighteen-year-old and assume she's twelve?"

Shari laughed at me and swiped the air with her hand. "You're one to talk. Don't you still get carded at bars?"

I rolled my eyes and checked my phone once more. Nothing from Nolan. I'd  sent him a text this morning before heading to the studio, but he  hadn't responded. I figured he might've still been asleep, so I locked  the screen and stuffed it into my back pocket before returning to the  room for the photo shoot.

"Hey, Adrianna." Shari walked in ahead of me. "This is Novah. Why don't you tell her what you're looking for?"

Adrianna glanced from me to the floor, then to Shari. It was as if she  couldn't look me in the eyes. "I … um … I saw a friend's boudoir photos and  really loved them."

I walked slowly toward her, as if walking too fast might scare her away.  She was beautiful, absolutely stunning, yet she appeared to be so  bashful.

"I take it you've never done one of these before?"

She shook her head, still unable to look me in the eye.

"That's okay." I placed my hand on her shoulder, hoping it'd offer her  some comfort. Her posture immediately relaxed and she finally met my  gaze. Bright green eyes the color of fresh grass met mine, and I  couldn't wait to capture them with my lens. "Are you doing this for you,  or for someone else?"

"I guess both." She seemed unsure of her answer, so I stoned my  expression, not wanting to make her more insecure. "I mean … mostly for  me. I plan on holding onto them for a while before giving them to him … "

Him. Most women came in for sexy photos for a "him," so she wouldn't be  any different. But I loved how she wanted to hold onto them for a while.  Just for her.

"Okay, sounds perfect. I have an idea. Do you trust me?" I asked and she  nodded quickly, as if she didn't even have to think about her answer.  It surprised me, to be honest, because I was a stranger to her. But I  guess it meant I was good at my job, to make people blindly trust in my  visions.

I instructed Shari to take her to the changing room, and told her what  my ideas were. Shari gave me a sly smile while Adrianna stared at the  floor.

While I waited for her to return, I checked my phone again and decided to send another message when he still hadn't responded.

Me: Hey! I hope you're still not asleep! It's almost noon!

I hit send just as they came back to the room. Adrianna wore a robe, and  her hands fiddled with the tie. I walked to her and took her hands,  waiting until her eyes met mine.

"You don't have to do this, you know."

She nodded and took a deep breath.

"If at any point, you become uncomfortable, just tell me to stop and I  will." I wasn't used to this kind of behavior from clients. Most of the  time, they came in full of confidence, ready to get started. But  Adrianna seemed different.

She nodded again, and I wondered if I'd ever get her to loosen up enough to talk, let alone to drop the robe and pose.

"The first shots will be easy. It should help you get used to the camera  and become more comfortable." I waited for her acknowledgment before  continuing. "When you're ready, I want you to remove the robe and sit on  the couch. Relax into it. Don't pose, don't think about me moving  around with my camera. Block it all out. Is there something you can  think of to make you relax?"

Her gaze flitted around the room. Her words were quiet yet full of passion when she said, "The floor."

I didn't respond, waiting for her to finish her thought. The way she  stood there, gazing off into the distance with bright eyes, I knew she  had more to say.

"The way the springs give way beneath my feet the moment before a flip, and the way they absorb my land."

I smiled at her words, feeling her passion as if I'd somehow experienced  it myself. Then her gaze found mine again, and she nodded before  turning to make her way to the white couch along the far wall in the  room.

She untied the robe and let the silk material fall to her feet before  slowly lowering herself to the center of the couch and reclined her head  against the back. I didn't hesitate before pulling the viewfinder to my  eye and clicking away. It was simple, nothing sexy or daring. Just a  plain white tank that didn't even elude to any cleavage, but the way she  leaned back, her chest on display, her eyes closed with a peaceful  curve to her full and pouty lips, made me believe I'd captured an angel.         

     



 

I moved around her and let her adjust herself, let her set the tone of  the shot for about five minutes before moving on. Once I stood back and  stopped snapping pictures, her attention returned to me.

"Okay, we'll move on to the next thing whenever you're ready. Take your  time. When you feel good enough to start, I need you to take off the  tank top and stand against that wall." I pointed to the brick wall next  to the window where I had a light positioned to emulate the sun.

I thought it would take her longer, but she surprised me when she got  up, pulled the tank over her head, and let it fall to the floor at her  feet. Then she straightened her spine and stood where I'd directed her.

I quickly picked up the camera and positioned myself in front of her,  checking the light first before pointing and shooting. I had her wear a  diamond-encrusted bra that caught the light well and accentuated her  breasts. How this girl ever felt self-conscious, I'd never know. I'd  kill to have her elegant muscle definition and toned body.

After taking a few in the bra, I handed her a strand of pearls and the  robe. She gave me a wondrous look before pulling the robe to cover her  chest.

"As long as you're okay with it, I'd like for you to remove the bra and  drape the pearls around your neck. I will fix them how I need them, and  you can cover yourself with the robe if you'd like."

"Are … are you going to … "

"No." I already knew her question without having to hear it. Her bright  eyes said it all. "It'll be elegant and classy. I promise."

She nodded and spun around to remove the bra, holding the robe tightly  against her chest. To keep her from struggling, I took the pearls from  her and wrapped them around her neck, draping them along the soft curve  of her back. Then I held her shoulders.

"Stand here." I moved her forward toward the wall again, and pointed to the bricks where I wanted her hands to go.

She did as I asked, and once the robe fell to the floor again, I picked  it up and moved it out of my way. Then I began shooting more, unable to  stop my finger from pressing the shutter release. Every shot felt  perfect.