Barely Breathing (The Breathing #2)(128)

"You've never thought about anyone other than yourself my entire life! Do you even love me? You probably never wanted me. That's why you left me with them. Do you have any idea what she did to me? Do ever think about it? But that would mean you'd actually have to stop thinking of yourself for one minute!"

I took a step toward her and she shrunk beneath me. The fear in her eyes fueled my rage. My hands shook as I clenched my teeth. I was unable to reel myself back in.

My entire body was engulfed in flames when I yelled, "I don't understand why I'm here! You're not a mother, you never have been. I don't need you.

"Besides, you're too consumed with my father's death to care about anyone else. Why do you keep obsessing over a man who never loved you?"

The sound was loud, and the sting was hot on my cheek. My head rocked to the side with the force of her hand. I slowly lifted my head and stared at her, snapped out of my spiraling rage. Tears streamed down her face, and she looked like she was about to collapse.

My entire body trembled. I hadn't realized I'd been crying, but the corners of my eyes were raw from the flow of tears.

"Emma?" I heard behind me and spun around. Evan was coming up the walkway. "What's going on?" He looked more distraught than I'd anticipated. As he got closer and saw the red mark on my face and our stunned expressions, the worry turned to anger. "What happened? Did you hit her?" He glared at Rachel who was still too shocked to speak.

I wiped my cheeks and faltered down the steps. "I have to go."

"What?" he questioned in disbelief. "Emma, where have you been all day? Why didn't you call me? What just happened here?" 

"I didn't have my phone, and I'm so sorry," my voice was shaky, the repercussions of my brutality starting to settle in. "I have to get to practice."

"Really? You don't look like you should be driving anywhere. You need to talk to me."

I stopped and took a breath. My eyes pleaded for him to understand. "I will, I promise, but I can't right now. I have to go. Don't you have a game?"

"Yeah, but―"

"Evan, go to your game. I can't right now. I'm going to be late for practice." My hands shook uncontrollably. I glanced up at the porch, but she was gone. "I'm staying at Sara's this weekend. Come over tonight, okay?"

I started to walk away, but he rushed up and blocked my path. "I can't let you leave like this. What happened?"

"We got in an argument," I explained, swallowing hard to keep the guilt at bay. I didn't want to think about it. I might crumple right there on the driveway. "Please. Please, let me go to practice. You can follow me there if you don't trust me."

His eyes narrowed. "What?" he questioned angrily. "Emma, this has nothing to do with trust. I was worried about you. You've been more withdrawn lately, and yesterday you start questioning whether you should exist or not. I was afraid something happened to you today. That you..." He couldn't finish. The pain on his face captured his words.

I bit my quivering lip and closed my eyes. "I am so sorry," I muttered softly. "I can't believe I did this to you. I just needed to get away for the day, to figure things out. I should have called you. I'm so, so sorry, Evan." I wanted nothing more than to touch him, to wrap my arms around him and hold him against me. But I was afraid to reach for him, because it would've destroyed me if he pulled away.

"Okay," he said to himself, nodding, not making any move toward me. "Okay," he repeated, looking me in the eye, nodding again like he was trying to accept my words and figure out what to do next. "Go to practice. I'll see you at Sara's tonight." He turned around and strode toward his car without another word, and without touching me.

I continued to my car, shutting everything off. I couldn't think. I couldn't feel. I just needed to get away from this, and I knew practice would distract me long enough to calm me down.

I backed out of the driveway before Evan was in his car. I glanced in the rearview mirror to see him standing by his door, watching me drive away.

I swiped at the tears and wrapped my fingers tightly around the steering wheel. This was my fault. This was all my fault. And now I had two hours to figure out how to fix it.





34. Confessions



"Emma, what the hell is going on?!" Sara demanded fervently from the other end of the phone. "What happened to you today?"

I sat in my car coated in sweat, having pushed it to the extreme during practice―to distract and punish myself. I emerged prepared to make amends.

"I know, I was completely stupid today," I responded with a heavy breath. "And now everyone's angry with me. I just got out of practice and will be over after I pick up clothes for the weekend. I promise I'll tell you everything, okay?"