Barbarian's Prize(13)

“Piss poor hunting,” Haeden comments as we trudge through the snows to retrieve our weapons. “Your aim was worse than a metlak’s.”

So it was. I’m distracted still, thinking about Tee-fah-nee. I snatch my spear from the ground. “I have a problem, Haeden.”

“I agree. Your aim needs work.” He jerks his spear out of the dvisti and then bends over to slice the throat open and drain the blood.

I laugh. “If only that were the problem that troubles me.”

“It should trouble you,” he says sourly.

“I am worried about my mate.”

“Eh?” He looks up from his cutting and squints at me. “Did you resonate?”

“Not yet. But I shall.”

He snorts and turns back to the kill. “Foolishness.”

I clench a fist and hold it over my heart. “I know Tee-fah-nee is mine. I feel it in my spirit. It is just a matter of waiting for my khui to respond.”

“So you say.” Haeden’s voice is thick with disbelief as he slits the belly of the creature open and begins to remove the offal. Once he has finished dressing the kill, he will tie it to his spear and bring it back to the cave for the others to use, and then he will return out to check his traps. Haeden hunts tirelessly, out longer than anyone else in the tribe. I think some of it is so he can escape his own thoughts.

“I do say.”

“Then what is the problem? I do not know how to make a khui sing.”

I lean on my spear. “Tee-fah-nee has been…hurt. She does not want a male’s touch.” He looks up at me, puzzled, and I explain the situation as best I understand it. That the ones that brought her here took mating from her without her permission, and that the others frighten her. That she wants to practice in the furs with me. All the while, Haeden’s brows draw together until he’s frowning fiercely at me.

“The female you want invites you to her furs and you spend the day yipping at me?”

He doesn’t grasp what I am worried about. “I was saving myself for resonance. I wanted her to know she is mine forever before I touched her. But now I worry that if I touch her and she reacts badly, it will not go well. I worry that resonance will overpower me and I will hurt her.”

Haeden shakes his head. “So take her and make her scream. Lick her long and hard and she will forget everything else.”

“But…there is no resonance. Not yet.” I rub my chest, encouraging my khui. I firmly believe that I will resonate to none but Tee-fah-nee, but there is a small part of me that is filled with doubt. “What if I give her pleasure and then she resonates to another?”

“Then she resonates to another,” he says flatly. “I thought you were certain she was to be your mate?”

“I am. But I do not know if my khui is listening. I…do not want to have her just to lose her.” The thought makes me ill. I would wish her happiness if she resonated to another, but for me, it would be unending misery. “What do you think I should do?”

“I think you should stop yipping and start acting.” He stands up, wiping his hands. “Do you want to touch her?”

“More than anything.”

His gaze is hard. “And she is offering herself to you? Despite her fears?”

I nod.

Haeden’s face is hard, unyielding. His jaw clenches and he casts his gaze around before finally fixing on me with hard, blazing eyes. “Then why do you hesitate, Salukh? Take what you want and do not question. Enjoy each time you touch her. Treat it as a gift. If you do not take this and you lose her, you will forever regret each wasted moment.” His voice catches on the last word, and then he turns away, kneeling next to his kill again. His hands move quickly, as if he’s determined to somehow outrace his thoughts. “Do not leave yourself with nothing.”

He’s in pain. I can tell that from his posture, the stiffness of his movements. It’s clear to me that he’s thinking of before, when he resonated and lost his mate before he could touch her. Does he regret it every day? Is he filled with loneliness? He’s a friend, and I hate that he’s so miserable. I reach out and touch his shoulder. “You know, there is a human female that has no mate—“

He flings my hand off his shoulder and glares up at me with furious eyes. His voice is deadly. “There is nothing for me.”

I stare at him, shocked at his vehemence.

Haeden closes his eyes and gives a small shake of his head. “Leave me be, Salukh. Go and chase your female.” He returns to gutting his kill.

I watch him for a moment, then turn to leave. It’s obvious he does not want my company. He wants to be alone with his miserable memories and his self-hate. But I’m not ready to go back to the caves yet. The thought of returning empty-handed when the other males are being praised for their efforts in the competition? It will not do. So I track the dvisti herd, following it over the rise and down into the next valley. There is still time before the twin suns go down, and I am in no rush. When I find the herd again, I skirt wide, careful of the wind and paying attention to the creatures. If I throw my spear again and miss, someone will go hungry. I must be careful. I crouch low in the snow and wait for the dvisti to forget my presence.