Bang Gang(46)

She watched Jodie slip into the driver's seat. Glared as Jodie did her lipstick in the rearview.

"Another client?" she said. "I thought Mondays were busy, Trent? You told me Mondays were a no go!"

I smirked at her.

"That's not a fucking client, Eleanor," I said. "That's my fucking missus."

I let her pick her own jaw up from the floor.





I dashed into town to grab Nanna's pills with a big 'ole smile on my face.

Porsche-bitch had seen a different woman staring back at her today. Not  the dowdy, defeated, meek little shell of myself she'd dismissed as  nothing, oh no. Today she'd seen me, and she'd balked. I'd seen it in  her eyes, in the purse of her fake pout. No amount of money, no posh car  or Botox or expensive makeup could bring me down, not anymore.

I knew he wouldn't fuck her. Not right then, not there, not with his  balls freshly emptied and my sweaty hand prints all over that Audi. Not  even for the sake of the money. Maybe I was naive. Maybe I was being  stupidly optimistic. But, no. I just knew it.

Porsche-bitch wouldn't be getting anything from Darren Trent. Not today.

A small victory, but I enjoyed it. Bigger battles were on the horizon, a  whole assault course of issues with our names written all over them,  but I pushed those aside and sang along to the radio, enjoying the  knowledge that I'd put myself out there and he'd wanted me right back.  Enjoying the sensation of my well-fucked pussy, too. I was still full of  him.

Shit.

Probably nothing to worry about. I tried to remember the purple shaded  ovulation dates on my period app  –  I'm sure I was safe enough.

The traffic was godawful and the queue for Nanna's pills was long  –  the  woman behind the counter was busy for an age, yapping on about athlete's  foot to some old guy who wouldn't stop asking questions.

I checked the time.

Late.

Shit.

I raced back to work and Lorraine pulled a sour face at me.

"Nice of you to show," she said.

"Sorry," I said. "Nanna's pills took ages. I'll make up the time."

Ten minutes, it was only ten minutes.

She took it out on me all afternoon, and it was unlike her. The whole thing was off.

I grabbed her by the arm when there was a lull in customers.

"Have I done something?" I said. "I mean, I know I was late, but you seem … "

She stared at me for ages and then she sighed. "Sorry, Jodie, it's just …  I'm concerned."

"Concerned?"

She put a hand on her hip. "I thought you were past all this running  around after Darren Trent. I thought you'd moved on. I hoped you'd moved  on, for your sake."

My cheeks burned, the memory of bailing from the taxi, drunk, ignoring Lorraine's efforts to deliver me back to mine.

"I'm not running around after Darren, we're just …  exploring our options."

She slapped her hand on the counter, and it took me aback. "Exploring  your options?! With that fucking loser? He's nothing but a player! He's a  fucking disgrace!" She caught herself, shook her head. "Sorry, Jo, I  just …  I didn't want to say anything … "

My heart dropped. The expression on her face said it all.

"What?" I said.

She let out a sigh. "I tried to book my car in for some tyres last week,  and do you know how long it would have taken him to fit me in?"                       
       
           



       

I shrugged. "I have no idea."

"Three weeks," she said. "Three weeks for some poxy tyres. You know why?"

"I guess they're pretty busy … "

"Busy fucking anything with a pulse. I had to go into town in the end.  Seriously, Jodie, he should remember he's got a business to run down  there, should try putting his dick back in his pants every now and again  and getting some real work done."

I cleared my throat, ignored the paranoia in my belly. "They were doing  real work earlier when I went down there. Plenty of cars booked in.  Maybe you just caught him on a busy day?"

Real work apart from Porsche-bitch.

The thought of a string of women down there made me feel queasy.

She scoffed, pulled a face. "That's what he tells you, is it? Open your eyes, Jodie. The guy's a fucking loser."

"He doesn't tell me anything, that's just what I saw for myself."

"He's fucked at least twenty of our regulars, I've heard all the gory  details. He's putting it about like he's some kind of fucking porn star,  doesn't have any regard for safe sex either, from what I've heard. You  know, Mandy Taylor says he … "

I really didn't want to hear what Mandy Taylor had to say about anything.

I held up a hand. "I appreciate your concern, Lorraine, really I do, but  Darren and I have to sort through this crap for ourselves. I'd rather  find out the score from him than worry about what big-mouth Mandy has to  say. She's hardly reliable."

Her eyes were so angry. "And Trent is?"

I met her glare. "He's not a liar, Lorraine. If I ask him, he'll tell me."

She scoffed at me. "And you're going to ask him, are you?"

"We'll need to talk about it at some point."

"And then what?!"

"I don't know … " I said.

She grabbed a cloth, started wiping the counter vigorously. "I thought  better of you than to consider getting back with a loser like him,  Jodie, for the girls' sake if not for your own."

I had nothing to say, and it felt like shit. The whole thing felt terrible.

She didn't ease up with the torrent. "You may think it's noble to get  back with the father of your children but believe me it's not. Not if  their father is a total waste of space like Trent. He's fucking everyone  in the village, Jodie, at least have a little respect for yourself."

"I'm not trying to be noble, Lorraine."

"Just as well, Jo, because you're falling way short."

I remembered all the times I'd cried on her shoulder when I first left  him, how strong she'd been for me. I remembered all the times she'd told  me to stand firm, for the girls and for myself, how we deserved better,  how we deserved more …

"I know you don't like him, Lorraine, I know that." But I do. "I know  things were bad before we split, I know you were there for me … "

"Doesn't seem to matter, though, does it? You're still chasing round after the waste of space all these years later."

"Lorraine …  I just … " I love him.

The bell above the door tinged as a gaggle of school mums came in. I breathed in relief.

I willed them to order everything on the menu, just to keep us busy  through to the end of my shift, but they wanted coffees and nothing  else. I kept my distance from Lorraine, nursing my own frazzled spirit.

Up and down, up and down, up and down.

I was all churned up, sick to the stomach at the thought of him fucking  someone else, yet still high at the sensation of him taking me, wanting  me, staying last night when he would have usually run …

The high of loving him, the low of knowing he was giving out to anyone  who was paying …  the high of another chance at the love we lost, the low  of knowing he'd loved another after me …  more than me …

The ring still in the drawer.

The way he looked at me. The way he touched me. The way Darren Trent made me feel so alive.

The way he loved our girls. The way he'd defended Mia. The way he was there.

Mandy fucking Taylor.

I watched the clock. Only an hour until closing, but the minutes seemed  to take hours. I scrubbed down tables to keep out of Lorraine's way,  hoping she wouldn't try and pick up the cruddy conversation where we  left off.                       
       
           



       

I was rearranging condiments when a car horn sounded outside. I stepped  to the window and looked out at the street, expecting some kind of  tractor-related traffic queue, but instead the big silver Audi swung  into the carpark and stopped in front of the cafe doors. The horn  sounded again, and I couldn't help but grin at the sight of my girls in  the backseat, Nanna sitting between them with her pink silk headscarf  knotted tight under her chin. This wasn't the weather for the roof down,  not really, but they were clearly loving it. All of them.

Ruby saw me and pointed, said something to Darren, and they all waved. He beeped the horn again and beckoned me outside.

"What are you doing?" I called from the doorway.

"Taking the car for a spin," Darren shouted. "Room for one more." He patted the empty passenger seat.

"Come on, Mum!" Ruby shouted. "We're going to the mountains! Like on Top Gear!"

"I can't!" I laughed. "I have work!"

Darren beeped the horn again. "Come on!" he called.

I looked back inside the cafe, at the customers standing at the window. Lorraine was there, too, and she was scowling. Oh hell.