Bad Nanny (The Bad Nanny Trilogy #1)(110)

So how could I blame Zayden for not wanting to stay here with me? He hates this town as much as I do, and he's right: there are hardly any jobs here. His friends are back in Las Vegas. Hell, he owns his own place. And if I'm having this much trouble changing my whole existence for two girls that are my own flesh and blood, how can I expect some playboy dude to do the same?

I test my coffee and then put the lid back on, pausing for a moment as I take a sip. I want to go home and curl up on my bed, but at the same time, I don't want to go home. The thought of Zayden leaving turns my insides into this gaping, yawning hole. If I have to head back there and watch him pack his things … I think I'll go crazy.

I put my coffee in the cup holder and start up my car, deciding to head over to my parents' place. I have the keys, and I'm supposed to water the houseplants anyway. I haven't done it once in the last two weeks, but oh well. I had more important things to worry about.

Like losing my virginity.

I cringe as I pull back onto the street and head towards Wildwood Community Park, a fancy name for the gated old folks neighborhood that my parents live in. They had me when my mother was forty-three, so even though it doesn't feel like they should live in a place like Wildwood, they do. Yet another reason why my parents couldn't take care of the kids; nobody under age eighteen is allowed to live on the premises.

I pull up to the front gate and key in my parents' code, heading over to their perfect oil spot free driveway and the manicured yard that the homeowners' association takes care of. When I get out and let myself inside, the quiet darkness settles over me and I take a deep breath, tossing my purse onto the counter and moving over to the couch to lie down.

Without realizing I'm doing it, I slide my phone from my pocket and look at my texts for any messages from Zayden. Once it dawns on me that I'm doing it, I delete his number from my phone and put the damn thing away.

Hopefully he'll be gone when I get home tomorrow morning.

Hopefully he'll still be there when I get home tomorrow morning.

I sigh as the dueling thoughts fill my brain, turning onto my back and putting my forearms against my forehead as I listen to the almost disturbing silence of the neighborhood. When I close my eyes, the scene from the club replays over and over again on the screen of my eyelids.

As soon as I saw Zay in the darkness beyond the stage, I … I don't know what I felt, but it was powerful. And emotional. And so intense I could barely breathe.

“Crap.” I put my hands over my face and try to think about all this in a logical way. It's best that Zayden goes home, really. I have a degree and two little girls and an ailing father to worry about. I don't need a man in my life. No way, no how.

But I want one. No, no, I want this one.

I take several deep breaths and let the pain of the evening wash over me. It's stifling, ten times as intense as the emotions I felt when I caught Anthony cheating on me. And I was with him for three years. Three years of hanging out and laughing and going to parties and restaurants, snuggling on the couch.

Two weeks with Zayden and it feels like his heart should beat in tune with mine. The sex part aside, I love hanging out with him. And I love the way he is with my nieces, with his own. He's the kind of guy that actually makes me want to have kids sooner, just so I can see him snuggle and kiss and play with them.

But if he doesn't want me, what can I do? I gave him a chance tonight and all he did was cost me my job. Now I'm back at square one.

Alone. Jobless. Screwed.

And in love.



I blink awake to bright sunshine, looking confusedly around at my parents' white and beige living room before I realize where I am.

Oh.

Strip club. Fight with Zayden. Last day. Last day and he's gone …

My breath sucks in sharply and I surge to my feet, tearing my phone from my back pocket and checking for messages. There're about a hundred from him, asking me where I am, if I'm safe, threatening to call the cops.

I almost smile, but then the expression fades.

I slept through my class. Shit. Now I have just enough time to get back to my place before Zayden leaves to pick up the kids. After that, he'll drop them off with me and then … drive away in his Geo and never come back.

Tears prickle the edges of my eyes, but I dash them away, heading outside and locking the door behind me as quick as I can. I feel so desperate to see him suddenly that it's like I'm choking on the emotion. I'm sure it won't change anything, but I just want to see his face, maybe give him one last kiss, feel his hands on my body for a brief second.

“Crap, crap, crap,” I mumble as I sprint to the car and climb in, peeling out of there at a speed that'd probably give most of the old people living here heart attacks. In all reality, I should probably stay away from Zayden until he brings the girls home from school. He's due at the airport right after that, so he won't have any time to mess with my head, play around with my emotions, smile that goofy sexy smile at me.