Bad Nanny (The Bad Nanny Trilogy #1)(109)

“This job was my lifeline, Zayden. What if I can't get another? What if I have to drop out of school?”

“You thought I came here tonight to say I was going to support you? I wish I could. If I had any money … shit, things might be different. I'm living off my credit card now, Brooke. This two weeks has killed me. I have a mortgage, on a place I bought with the last gift my parents ever gave me. There are no jobs up here in this shit hole, you know that.”

Her lips purse tight.

“Exactly,” she says, and I realize what I've just said. “And no, I didn't think you were just going to sweep in and make everything better. I've seen your car, Zayden. I know you're not a rich man. I just thought … I thought you were going to stick around for a while, help me find another job or something. I thought … this was our romantic climax.”

She lifts her hand up to indicate the round shape of the club's building and the neon pink lights that are staining the dark wet pavement with bright color.

“It felt like you were coming here to confess or something,” she adds, and I feel my face fall. “I am such a fucking idiot.” Her gaze snaps up to mine. “I knew I shouldn't let myself get involved with you, but … you pushed and pushed and … even tonight, why couldn't you just leave me alone? Now what am I supposed to do?” Brooke pauses and takes a deep breath. “You're really leaving tomorrow?”

I swallow hard and rake my fingers through my hair again.

I wish I was better with words, wish I could explain all the things I was feeling to her.

“I'll ruin your life, Brooke. I'm not the man of your dreams. I'm just some asshole from Vegas.” I smile at her, but it doesn't feel real. Feels like bullshit to me. “I'm just the nanny, right?”

“Yeah, whatever.” Brooke's voice sounds unstable, but when I take a step towards her, she moves away.

“Your aunt's got the kids covered for a while. We could go out and have some food? Try a little more exhibitionism. What do you say?” I make myself grin at her, but her face stays flat, her pale eyes dark and shadowed.

“Sorry, Zayden, but you can't goof your way out of this one. You know what? Why don't you go back to my place, pick up your kids, and go home. We're, uh,” Brooke starts as she begins to back away towards her Subaru, “we're done here. Yeah, yeah. We're done.” She stops after a few steps, a bag of clothes slung over one arm, and points a shaking finger at me. “I was okay with this being casual, but you pushed into my boundaries. You chased after me. And I hate being dicked around.”

Brooke turns and climbs in her car as I pace in a tight circle and run my hand over my face. I have no clue what to do. In the back of my mind, I realize how goddamn easy this all is. I basically have two choices: go home tomorrow and forget about this, or … stay.

Because I could stay if I really wanted to. Yeah, it'd be hard, but … is Brooke Overland worth it?

The answer to that is easy. Sure she is. Of course she is.

I stand there on the wet pavement as her car zooms around me and splatters my slacks with dirty water. As I turn and watch her red taillights disappear into traffic, I decide it's time to head out and find somewhere to grab a drink.

Because I need to really think about this. Changing my whole life for a girl I've known for two weeks?

How is that any different from changing your whole life for two kids that aren't yours?

Whatever happens, I know this to be a fact: Brooke Overland is a hell of a lot stronger than I am.





Even my angriest metal music can't help me. A cascading fall of guitar riffs and clattering drums can't take the shock of pain and anger away. I scream the lyrics along with the lead singer until my voice is gone and my throat hurts, but it makes no difference.

I am fucking livid. And sad. Really, really sad. I feel like this is the thing with Anthony all over again. Obviously, it's a very different scenario, but I see parallels here that bother me more than I care to admit. Anthony said he wanted me to be his perfect wife, but all he really wanted was a showpiece for his parents, somebody on his arm to play the good Christian with him.

Zayden … I invited Zayden into my bed and into my life, but he was the one that kept pushing my boundaries, weaseling his way into my heart. He said he was only up for a casual fling, but what he really did was charm the hell out of me.

So one guy says he wants me but doesn't and the other says he doesn't but clearly does.

“This is so shitty,” I say as I pull up to a Dutch Bros and grab some coffee. Now that I don't have a job, I probably shouldn't spend the money, but screw it. I need this right now.

I pull over a few blocks away to take the lid off and blow steam away from the dark liquid. Out of habit, I pick up my phone and check for messages. Several from my friends back in Berkeley, the sight of the familiar names in my contacts sending a pang of loneliness through me.