Bad Boy (An Indecent Proposal)(31)

“Surprised me, too.”

He nodded, his eyes absent. “You haven’t changed your mind, have you?”

My eyebrows rose. “About what?”

“About us living together. You know, going back to NY together.”

I shook my head, then sighed. “No, Chase.”

“Laurie,” he whispered. “I don’t want to lie—”

“Then don’t.” I looked away because his eyes were too beautiful. Too damn convincing.

“You’d never understand.”

I smiled bitterly. “Trust me, I do. You and Kade need revenge, and I so happen to be the collateral damage. But here’s what I don’t get. What’s in it for you when all is said and done? I really hope it’ll be worth it.”

“It’s not just revenge, Laurie,” Chase said. “Clint destroys people. He needs to be stopped. I think I’ve made myself clear on that part.”

I sighed again and watched the waves roll in, but the serenity of the setting didn’t quite manage to calm the raging storm inside me. “I know. I talked with him earlier.”

“And?”

“I told him it’s on. That’s why I’m here.” He looked at me surprised, and I felt the need to clarify. “I want you to go ahead and do what needs to be done.”

“That means a lot to me.” He grabbed my hand, his eyes meeting mine. “I promise you as soon as Clint loses his money, it’ll all be transferred to you. No harm done.”

I chuckled darkly. “No harm done, huh? What about my feelings, Chase? I thought we had a real thing going on.” I turned to him and caught the imploring glint in his eyes. “You really think I came here because I might be afraid of losing money? Honestly, I don’t care about that at all. It’s the other matter that bothers me.”

His expression changed from surprise to disbelief.

“Are you saying you feel more?” he asked quietly.

“More?” I laughed through the curtain of tears clouding my vision. “I feel everything. I feel the sun in my eyes when I look at you. I smell the sky when you breathe. I don’t call this nothing. I call it everything.”

“Then leave with me.” His plea surprised me, his intensity made me want to pack my bags and follow him to the end of the world and back. “I can arrange a seat for you.”

“I can’t,” I whispered. “Even if I wanted to, I can’t. What I said earlier, I meant it.”

His eyes widened. “You want—”

I nodded. “I still want a divorce.”

“Why?” There was so much sadness in his eyes, my heart felt like it was going to burst from the weight of my pain. “Why would you give us up? You know that I want to give us a try.”

“Because I can’t deal with it.” I looked at him. “You got what you wanted. Me. And your revenge. But now I need to move on. For my sake, for our sake. Because what we have is not real. It’s—”

His hand touched my face. I didn’t even have time to take a breath before his lips came crashing down. They ripped open a hole in my heart, filling it with the sweet promise of something I knew would be gone in the blink of an eye.

Not with desire, not with anger, not with hope, but love.

Love for this man I barely knew.

Love for someone who couldn’t love me as much as I did him.

Or at least that was what I thought.

“It feels pretty real to me,” Chase whispered against my lips.

“It’s unrealistic,” I whispered. “You fell in love with your target. You honestly believe it’d ever work out?” I inched closer, barely able to stifle the need to throw myself into his arms and trust him with my heart I knew I could never give him. “I want things to be different. I want there to be an us, but life doesn’t work that way. I hate to say it, but your brother’s right.”

His mouth tightened. My answer didn’t please him.

“I care about you, Laurie,” he whispered. “I really do. But—”

“But what?”

“I’ve never let anybody be this close to me. My brother says I’m incapable of love. That’s what everyone told me, and I believed them. That’s why it was easy to go on with my plans, and why I suggested that I do it rather than Kade. But after meeting you, something inside me changed.” My breath hitched at his words. “It was easy to make myself believe that it was only a job, that I could move on after the deed was done, but now—” His glance searched mine in a long, tender moment. “—now I’m not sure that I’ll ever be able to stay away from you. I don’t think I want to. You have come to mean so much to me.”

I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. “What are you saying, Chase?”

“I’m a lawyer. I’ve been taught not to let my feelings interfere and all that bullshit. But with you I feel that I can be myself. I feel that something is happening between us. I think that’s why I can’t stay away from you.”

“Why?”

His hands cupped my face and his thumbs brushed my cheeks. “You know the answer.”

“I want to hear it.”

He sighed. “I’m falling in love with you, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.”

The falling in love part again. The first time he had said it I made myself believe it was just a lie. Now I wasn’t so sure about it.

“You make it sound like it’s a bad thing,” I whispered.

He remained silent as he turned his attention to the ocean. “It is if you keep insisting that you want a divorce. How are we supposed to grow as a couple when you want me to stay away from you.”

“We can’t ever be a couple, Chase,” I said with more fervor than I felt.

He shook his head, suddenly angry. “I can. It’s you who can’t so please speak for yourself. If things were different, if I didn’t have to do what I have to do about Clint—”

“Then I’d date you for real,” I whispered. “I’d want to be with you, but this…what we have now…what you have to do for yourself….it can’t work. You know it. It’s just not possible. I can’t forgive you.”

My eyes filled with tears, but they didn’t flow.

He frowned. “Are you implying that you’re ready to date others?”

“It means you’re free to do what you want to do. If you fuck others, you’re free to do so.” I threw him a sideways glance, my heart both burning and bleeding at the thought.

“I can’t do that.”

I smiled. “You can. You will.”

“The feelings I have for you won’t let me.”

“Give it a few months and you’ll change your mind,” I said bitterly.

“Can we stay in touch during the trial?” Chase asked. The change in topic didn’t escape my attention, but I let it pass. “It doesn’t even have to be face to face.”

“No.”

“Laurie,” he whispered. “Just because I’m helping my brother and just because I don’t want to be in love with you doesn’t mean we shouldn’t see each other.”

“I can’t do it.” I shook my head more firmly than I wanted. “It’s not healthy for us.” I met his fiery glance as I continued, “Work out what you have to do. If by the end of it you still feel strongly for me, let me know. But until then, there’s not a chance in hell for us. Trust me, it’s better this way. It’s better for us. I need the distance, and you need it, too.” I forced a weak smile to my lips. “If you love me like I love you, please let me go, but not before—” My words died on my lips, my voice quivering.

“What can I do?”

I smiled again. “Make love to me. Give me something before you go.”

“Fine.” His fingers curled around mine and he helped me up. “Let’s be clear. I won’t give up on you. Irrespective of what you think, my feelings for you are real. The sooner you accept it, the better.”

“Don’t make promises.” I lifted on my toes to place a kiss on his lips. “Make sure to remember me.”

He tasted of summer and wind, of the kind of sweet happiness I could never have.

I smiled even though inside I was breaking.

Whatever we had, it was about to come to an end.

Today would be the last time I’d see him. I’d kiss him one last time before he’d move on. Find someone else. Someone more beautiful. More like him. Someone who’d help him forget me.

“I will, Laurie,” he whispered. “I’ll always remember you.”





Chapter 22





I had always believed in first love. Chase had been my first love. What I didn’t believe was that first love ever lasted. Chase would move on, I was sure of that. I was also sure that fairy tales only existed in movies and books. That it was all in my mind—the emotions, albeit contradictory ones, the wavering decision not to go after him while forcing myself to stay.


When I had told Chase I wanted a divorce, I had been sure I was doing the right thing for us. That I’d be avoiding the awkward breakup that always comes no matter how great a relationship is at the beginning.

Had I made the wrong decision?

It was early afternoon when Chase left. I could still feel his kiss on my forehead; I could still hear the steps when he departed, and the sound of the door when it closed after him.