Atonement (The Protectors #6)(3)

Matty had grabbed it and carefully put the treasure back in his pocket. But it wasn't until I'd told him that I thought he was the coolest, bravest superhero ever, that he'd smiled his unique, big, heartfelt smile and thrown his arms around me. And for a moment I'd forgotten where we were and that it was an entirely different little boy in my arms and I'd let the joy of that unfettered, unquestioning trust wash over me like a tidal wave. It wasn't until the music had started playing again that I'd forced myself to release Matty and grab the puppy so she couldn't chase after him as he'd continued his walk towards the arch where his fathers would be getting married. I'd lifted the not-so-light dog in my arms and carried her to the far side of the room so we'd both be out of the way for Hawke and his fiancé's walks down the aisle.



       
         
       
        

And that's when I'd felt it.

That shiver that snaked down my spine and caused my insides to tighten up. And I'd been helpless to ignore it, though I'd known the cause. But this time when my eyes had met the flinty blue ones, my first instinct hadn't been to hold the stare in some 'my dick is bigger than yours' showdown. No, I'd felt a wave of heat go through me at the hard look in Magnus's eyes … and not because he'd seemed pissed. Nope, he'd just looked … confused.

And for the first time in a long time … in a really fucking long time … I hadn't been able to keep my chin up. I hadn't been able to find the balls to send him my standard, albeit silent, fuck you look. So, I'd dropped my eyes and pretended to be focused on calming the wriggly dog in my arms and ignored the hope that had been unfurling like an ugly serpent in my belly … the hope that maybe, just maybe, Magnus had seen something more … something very few people in my life, if any, would ever admit to seeing. Something even I could no longer see in myself.

But that little glimmer of light died out for good just a couple of short hours later when he'd walked in on me getting a less than stellar blow job in that bathroom … or the end of the evening when he'd had me dismissed like I was no more than an errant child.

Or now when I could feel his derision bouncing off my body. How the fuck was I going to survive weeks cooped up with this asshole? No way in hell was I following his lead, despite Memphis's order.

I forced myself not to put any pressure on Matty's little body despite the tension running through my system and I pulled back so I could reach into my long jacket for the package that was tucked in a side pocket along with my gun. "I brought you something," I said as I ignored the twitch of embarrassment that I hadn't thought to buy actual wrapping paper for the present, choosing to use newspaper instead. "Merry Christmas, Matty."

His already big eyes went even bigger as he took the present and then he was looking up at his grandfather. "Can I open it, Pop-pop?"

Magnus flashed me the briefest of looks before he nodded and then held the door open for me so I could follow Matty into the living room. I sat down next to him on the couch and began helping him get some of the paper off since I'd gone a little over the top with the tape on the corners.

"It's Magneto!" Matty cried out happily as soon as enough of the paper had been cleared away to see the doll.

Pleasure went through me at the pure joy I saw in his gaze as he lovingly clutched the box to his chest. "I heard you really wanted him to add to your collection."

Matty nodded and said, "Thank you," as he threw his arms around me for a brief moment. I'd actually heard him talking about the doll in the final weeks he'd been in the hospital, but I'd lucked out when I'd asked Hawke if anyone had gotten it for the little boy yet. Besides the doll, I wouldn't have had a clue what to get Matty, since I had no doubt he had an endless supply of superhero toys. 

Matty began tearing at the housing holding the doll in place so I carefully took the package from him, not wanting him to rip his skin on the thick plastic. As I worked it open, I asked, "Why'd you want him? Isn't Magneto the bad guy?"

"Nah," Matty responded as he cleared off a chunk of tape and newspaper. "He's really a good guy, but sometimes he just does bad things."

I stilled at that as my insides clenched up tight. I pushed back the insane need to ask the little boy if he really believed that … if he could ever look at someone who'd had a lifetime of bad choices under their belt and still see a hero. My skin felt itchy and the need to escape suddenly overwhelmed me as I glanced up at Magnus. Just like at the wedding, he was watching me with a mix of curiosity and confusion and I quickly dropped my eyes and finished working the doll free, handing it to the excited little boy.

"Thank you," Matty said and then his arms were around me again, a surprising amount of strength in his limbs as he pressed himself against my waist. I tentatively put my arms around him to return the embrace. Pain slammed into my entire body as I remembered another little boy who'd hugged like this … with everything he was. I felt tears sting the backs of my eyes as I was transported to the past and I automatically dropped my mouth to kiss the boy's head like I always did, but reality hit me hard when there was no lush dark hair to greet me and there was no whispered "Meu melhor..."

My best...

I couldn't stop myself from looking up when I felt that familiar tingle all over my body and sure enough, Magnus's gaze was on me and not his grandson. I shook myself free of the past and forced a smirk to my lips that I knew would get us back on even footing and was rewarded with those sharp eyes going hard with irritation. I forced myself to release Matty as well as the past and said, "Have a good time at Disney World" to the child as I stood up. There wasn't even a shard of pleasure as I shot Magnus a grin and said, "See you soon, Pop-pop," before turning my back on him and heading for the door. I could feel his gaze burning into my back as I left and that was the only thing that kept my stride slow and even, though all I really wanted to do was get the fuck out of there.

I wanted a drink.

I wanted a fuck.

I wanted another chance …

I shook my head as I closed the door behind me. It didn't matter what the fuck I wanted. What I had was a job to do.

With that thought finally calming the noise in my head, I headed for the huge black pick-up truck at the end of the block. I hadn't acknowledged Cain as I'd parked my car in front of his and it wasn't necessary for me to even interact with the guy, but my conscience wouldn't let me ignore him and just watch him drive off so he could get some sleep before relieving me in twelve hours.

There was only a small amount of light coming from a street lamp on the other side of the street and a good hundred feet away, so it was nearly impossible to make out the man's expression as he rolled down his tinted window. The interior of the truck was pitch black and my guess was Cain had dimmed the light on purpose so he wouldn't be as noticeable to a passerby. But I didn't need to see him to know what I'd find. Gorgeous pale blue eyes that looked almost silver under the right light, built body, styled blond hair that never had even a lock out of place, wide, firm lips that were in a perpetual frown …



       
         
       
        

I had no idea which way Cain swung, but I'd never even been tempted to find out because I got the clear message from the guy and I doubted it had anything to do with my gender.

Hands off.

Which made me wonder why the hell he'd helped me out the night before by covering for me.

"Hey," I murmured as I double-checked our surroundings to make sure there was no one to see us. Hawke had been adamant that he didn't want his new neighbors to get suspicious about strange vehicles and men scoping out the neighborhood, so we'd taken a lot of extra steps to go as unnoticed as possible.

"All clear," Cain said and then he was rolling up his window.

I placed my hand on it and was glad he stopped the upward movement since I hadn't been sure he would.

"Thanks for last night," I managed to get out, though the words felt foreign on my tongue. Gratitude wasn't something I was good at feeling … or showing.

Cain was looking straight ahead and it was still too dark to see his face, so I was surprised when he leaned forward and flipped the dial on his interior lights just enough to illuminate his face. But when I saw the seriousness in his gaze, I wasn't so sure it was a good thing.

"I don't give a shit if you try to fuck the demons out of your system, but if I ever see you get in a car again after you've been drinking, losing your job will be the least of your worries."

I bit back the urge to tell the man to go to hell and merely nodded as the shame washed over me. While I hadn't been falling down drunk the night before after leaving Caterer Guy trembling in a heap on the sodden grass, I'd definitely been too impaired to be behind the wheel, even for the two-mile drive to the motel. The fact that Cain had clearly seen what I'd been up to last night after being dismissed by Ronan and Memphis was humiliating to say the least. It was one thing for someone to think I liked fucking anything that moved, but for him to have seen me in such a rare show of weakness …