Atonement (The Protectors #6)(10)

"Saying goodbye to that part of my life."

It took me a moment to understand what he was saying. "You told your boss you're not coming back." It wasn't really a question, but he nodded anyway. "What did he say?"

Magnus shrugged. "That he understood. He knows what Matty's been going through and how finding out he was still alive … "

His voice fell off and I saw him swallow hard. His eyes shifted to glance out his side window and I got the distinct impression he was trying to get control of himself. My insides twisted painfully. I knew his daughter was gone, but I had no clue about the circumstances of her death. I also hadn't realized he'd thought Matty was lost to him as well.

"You thought Matty was dead?" I prodded.

Magnus glanced at me. "Hawke and Tate didn't tell you this story?"

I shook my head. "I … I try to keep things professional," I admitted, realizing how foolish that probably sounded to him considering I hadn't always been professional around him. "Matty told me about his mom while I was sitting with him in his hospital room when Hawke had to step out for a minute. He … he was asking me about my family … well, my mom actually, and that's when he said his was in heaven."

There was a moment of silence before Magnus said, "I didn't know that. He only asked me about her for the first time last week."

Magnus fell silent again. The pain in his expression actually caused a physical ache in my chest and I regretted bringing the subject up. "Hey, listen, we don't have to talk about this … "

He shook his head. "Just … just give me a second, okay?"

His voice cracked on the last word. I managed to say, "Okay" and fell silent. I tore my eyes from him so I wouldn't make him uncomfortable, but the need to touch him was overwhelming and I had to dig my fingers into my seat so I wouldn't reach for his hand which was now gripping the steering wheel like it was a lifeline.

A good two minutes passed before Magnus said, "Her name was Jenna. She was seventeen when she and Matty disappeared two years ago."

Fuck.

I managed to curb the curse word, but did the math in my head. The girl would have only been around fourteen or fifteen when she had Matty.

"I thought she'd just taken off with him for a few days to cool down, but when she didn't call me asking for money … " Magnus's voice dropped off momentarily. "I kept holding out hope, even though the cop in me knew what the odds were. Then Hawke showed up on my door last summer telling me he had proof she was gone." 

"But Matty was alive," I said softly. "Did … did your daughter drop him off with Tate or something?"

Magnus shot me an odd look before turning his attention back to the road. I realized at some point we'd left the city limits, but I didn't ask where we were going because I didn't want him to stop telling me his story.

"Tate's not actually Matty's father," Magnus finally admitted.

That was the last thing I expected him to say. "But he calls him Daddy," I said stupidly. Of course, that wasn't a precursor to a biological arrangement, but I was just completely floored. The connection between Tate and Matty was just so natural … hell, Matty even looked like Tate in some ways.

"Tate is Matty's half-brother. Tate's father was also Matty's father."

Now I had nothing to say. I shook my head because I didn't know what else to do.

"Tate, his father and older brother lived in a little town about an hour from here called Lulling," Magnus continued. "My daughter, Jenna, became involved with Tate's older brother, Denny."

"But you said Tate's father was the one who-"

"The fucker raped Jenna," Magnus bit out. "She was fourteen fucking years old."

The venom in Magnus's voice had me actually leaning back in my seat a bit. He'd always been calm and cool in my presence. Even during the encounter in the bathroom after he'd walked in on me and the catering guy, he'd been in control of his anger. But this … this was different. His rage was palpable and crackled around us until he finally managed to tamp it down.

Magnus scrubbed at his face with his hand before continuing. "The day she disappeared, she took Matty to Lulling looking for money and … and drugs." Magnus shot me a glance as if waiting for my reaction, but I remained silent. I was in no position to judge, and no matter what kind of problems the girl had had, nothing merited the fate she'd ultimately met. "Denny and his father were dealing meth. I guess Jenna told them she'd come to me if they didn't give her cash and drugs. Denny told Tate that their father … that he hit Jenna, knocking her out. He put her in his truck and then told Denny to get rid of Matty. They were both witnesses."

I felt bile rise in my throat at that. "Fuck," I whispered.

"Denny thought Matty was his kid so he didn't do it. Tate came home that night and found Matty in their trailer along with Denny. He asked who Matty was, but Denny wouldn't tell him. I guess … I guess Matty didn't say much."

Yeah, because the kid had been in fucking shock.

"Tate was planning to leave that night … he'd been trying to get away from his father and brother for years, but hadn't had the money to do it until then. He took Matty with him when Denny was asleep. He saved my grandson's life."

"And Jenna?" I asked, though a part of me didn't really want to know.

"Her body's never been found," Magnus said quietly and I swallowed the lump that got stuck in my throat when he wiped his hand across his eyes.

"Maybe she's still-"

"No," Magnus interrupted. "Denny and Tate's father had a history of hurting women. Hawke's wife was among the victims."

Fuck, I felt like I was going to be sick.

"All that and then Matty gets fucking cancer?" I whispered without thinking. As soon as I realized how thoughtless my words must have sounded, I said, "Magnus," and tried to form an apology, but the foreign words got stuck in my throat.



       
         
       
        

"I like that better," Magnus said as he shot me a quick glance.

Confused, I asked, "What?"

"When you call me Magnus instead of Pop-pop." He looked at me again, but this time his gaze lingered just a little bit longer. "You've done it twice now."

His eyes returned to the road and I once again found myself speechless. Holy shit, he was keeping track of when I used his given name? What the hell did that even mean?

I stared out the window for a few minutes in the hopes I could get my bearings. A thought crossed my mind and I turned back to him. "If Tate isn't Matty's father, why is he … "

"Why is he still playing that role?" Magnus offered when I couldn't find the words to finish my question.

I nodded.

"Have you ever met a better father than Tate?" Magnus asked.

I shook my head. I hadn't. Not that I was an expert in what a good father looked like, but all you had to do was look at Tate with Matty and you knew they were father and son, no matter what their DNA said. Hell, even Hawke was a fucking natural when it came to being a father.

"He risked everything to get Matty out of that hell hole," Magnus mused. "If that isn't the definition of being a good father, I don't know what is."

"But you could have gotten custody," I responded, completely baffled. "No court would have sided with him over you."

"I didn't need a judge to tell me who would be a better father to that kid."

The response just added to my confusion. Magnus clearly loved Matty more than life itself and while I agreed that Tate was an incredible father to the little boy, it didn't negate the father Magnus would have been to the child.

"Magnus, what-"

That was all I got out before Magnus interjected, "We're here."

The car jerked as Magnus pulled off the road and onto a dirt and gravel covered road. A small farm house and a couple of outbuildings sat on the top of a small rise about a quarter of a mile up the driveway.

"Where's here?" I asked.

"Home," was all Magnus said.





Chapter Six




Magnus



It hurt a lot more than I thought it would  –  coming home. Maybe it was the fact that I'd started the process of letting go of this place by telling my captain I wouldn't be returning to the job I loved. More likely though, it was the pain of talking about Jenna. It wasn't like I hadn't had to tell a few people in my life she was dead  –  I'd done that last summer when Hawke had told me the news. But telling Dante the whole story was different … more intimate somehow. Probably because he now knew details the others didn't. I'd only told my captain and my friend and neighbor, Colton Andrews, about the details of Jenna's struggles with drug addiction and how she'd ultimately died. And Colton was the only one who knew the role I'd played in my daughter's death. 

Without her body and with the two men responsible for her death both dead, there hadn't been an official police investigation because it hadn't served a purpose other than to drag my daughter's reputation through the dirt. I hadn't even told her friends that she was gone because there hadn't been time once Hawke had shown up on my doorstep telling me that Jenna was dead but Matty was alive. I'd merely packed my bags, told Colton everything and asked him to take care of my house while I was gone and asked my boss for a leave of absence. I'd spent the next several months focused on Matty, though some might say I'd used his illness as a way to remain in denial about Jenna's death. It wasn't until last month after Matty had been released from the hospital for the last time that I'd finally taken the first step in saying goodbye to my daughter, by ordering the headstone for a grave that wouldn't even serve as her final resting place. But I'd wanted a place for Matty to go someday if he ever wanted to talk to his mom or see where she'd grown up.