At the Brazilian's Command(23)

With an exhausted gesture, he shook his head.

‘All I can say is that I wish those emails had never been sent, because  then I could reassure you. But, whatever you think of me now, I will  always protect you. Maybe I went too far this time, but that's only  because I love you.'

‘You love me? You don't even know the meaning of the word.'

‘Stop it, Danny-this is your insecurity. You're not so different from me. We can work this out.'

‘Can we? Why drag it out for a year, Tiago? You have the ranch. My job is done. Why keep up the pretence any longer?'

‘Because I love you. Because I'm happier than I've ever been.'

‘I don't know what to think any more,' Danny admitted. ‘I feel as if  every time I put down foundations something comes along to shake them  loose.'

‘Not this time-I promise you,' Tiago insisted fiercely. ‘That's your  past talking. Just because your mother's never been there for you.  That's not me-that's not now.'                       
       
           



       

Drawing his jacket tightly around her shoulders, she shook her head. ‘I  can't give you the answer you want. I'm sorry, Tiago. Maybe it is my  past getting in the way, but I need time to think this through.'

‘Danny-'

‘Please...' She backed away. ‘I need space to think, and I can't think when I'm close to you.'

* * *

He slept the rest of the night in the guest bedroom, while Danny slept  in his room. He couldn't say he blamed her for doubting him. A lifetime  of blanking out his feelings hadn't helped him to handle the situation  better. He could have dealt with Danny angry and hot-tempered more  easily, but when she'd turned cold, had spoken to him so bleakly, he had  known she was right. The past had a lot to answer for, and she did need  time.

But he wasn't ready to give up. Swinging out of bed, he showered and dressed, and then knocked on her door.

‘Come on. Get up-we're going riding.'

He wasn't even sure she'd heard him, let alone that she would join him.  But she did. He should have known Danny was a survivor, and that she  would be every bit as tough this morning as she had been last night,  when she had told him what he could do with his gifts and his money.

They saddled up in silence and rode out together. They didn't speak until they reached the river, where he dismounted.

Danny joined him. ‘So?' she said.

‘So,' he echoed, staring out across the river. ‘When are you leaving?'

‘Soon.'

He ground his jaw, but acknowledged this. ‘This is not how I expected  to spend the first day of my married life-but then I didn't expect to  get married at all,' he admitted. ‘My parents put me off marriage when I  was a child, with their shouting and squabbling over what was left of  my grandfather's money.'

‘You were put off marriage until you were forced to marry. Isn't that it, Tiago?'

‘Yes,' he admitted bluntly.

‘Were you hunting for a bride at Lizzie's wedding, when I practically ran into you?'

‘You were so angry and shocked-I seem to remember you almost knocked me  over. You would probably have liked to, anyway. As for hunting for a  bride... Yes, I did scan the pool for likely candidates, and you were  close to the top of my list.'

‘Only close?' Danny said dryly, staring out across the river.

‘I judged you too vulnerable to be drawn into my plan.'

‘And now, Tiago?' She swung around to face him, but there was no warmth in her eyes.

‘I was wrong about you,' he admitted. ‘I should have known you were strong enough to take up any challenge.'

‘And more than willing,' she remembered, smiling faintly.

He made no comment.

‘And then I made the mistake of falling in love with you. We got close so fast that even our crazy wedding made sense.'

‘It wasn't so fast,' he argued, frowning. ‘We were close in Brazil.'

‘Friends,' she conceded. ‘You liked teasing me.'

‘Yes, I did. And, as I remember it, you liked it too.'

She shrugged, slanting him a smile, but refused to comment.

‘My grandfather was delusional, Danny. Don't you think after the  childhood I experienced I would want to do something better for my  children? I certainly wouldn't risk any child of mine growing up  thinking I'd bought it. And you...' He paused and looked at her  steadily. ‘You're a very special woman, and someone I'm proud to call my  wife.'

‘If you could pull out of our deal, though, would you?'

He frowned. ‘This is no longer a deal, Danny.'

‘But it still feels like one to me.'

‘So what can I do to change that?'

‘I don't know,' she said honestly. ‘I've never wanted anything from you  in the material sense, but it was part of the deal. Maybe I can't live  with that. Maybe my problem is with me and my judgement, not you. My  only thought was to secure my mother's future and buy my own  establishment. I couldn't see further than that. I didn't once think  about the true cost...'

‘You wanted to spread your wings,' he argued hotly. ‘There's nothing  wrong with that, and you still can. You want to taste adventure? It's  right here.'

He had thought he was getting through to her, but instead of moving  towards him she moved back towards her horse and mounted up.

‘I need more,' she said softly. ‘I need to prove myself before I have anything to offer you.'

He opened his arms in a gesture of surrender. ‘You're so wrong. You  don't have to prove anything to me. But, please, keep the money. You're  going to need it if you go. Take it for your mother-make her secure.  Give yourself a future, Danny.'                       
       
           



       

‘I wanted you,' she said. ‘I wanted your love. I wanted a life together.'

‘And you can have it.'

‘But how can I be sure that there won't be another time when you hide  something from me in the mistaken belief that you're protecting me?'

‘You can't,' he said bluntly, resting his hand on the neck of her  horse. ‘I won't commit to a promise I'm not certain I can keep. If you  need protecting I'm going to do that, whatever you have to say about  it.'

He tensed as she turned her horse for home.

‘So you're just going to give up? You're not even going to fight for us?'

‘For us?' she said, gathering up her reins. ‘There is no "us", Tiago.  There never has been. And, as you say, I have a life to lead and so do  you.'

‘But I love you.'

* * *

Tiago loved her. But her own feelings were in turmoil. She owed it to  both of them to sort herself out... Would this ever work out?

‘At least think it through,' Tiago insisted. ‘You don't have to go  right away. You've been just as cut off from emotion as I have, but if  the last half-hour is anything to go by we've unlocked something in each  other. Don't throw that away, Danny.'

She'd hurt him and she didn't know how to make it right, Danny thought  as Tiago brought his horse alongside hers. She blamed herself. She  should never have agreed to such a cold-blooded agreement. It had never  been going to turn out well. She should have been content to stay where  she was, with her heart in one piece.

‘Where will you go? What will you do?' he said.

‘I'll go back to Scotland and get a job.'

‘Your qualifications are excellent,' Tiago agreed, as if he thought it  was a good idea-or was that her insecurity talking again? ‘With your  experience it shouldn't be hard to find work. But don't settle for just  anything.'

‘Stop worrying about me, Tiago. My decisions aren't all flawed. I'll rebuild my life and move forward.'

‘I have no doubt you will, but I can't see how going back to Rottingdean is moving forward.'

‘Maybe you're right. But I'm never going backwards again.'





CHAPTER TWELVE

HE RODE OUT with his collar turned up against the persistent drizzle,  his jaw tightly clenched at the prospect of returning to an empty house.

Why hadn't he filed a flight plan? Any day without Danny was a damp,  drizzly day, and she had been gone for over a month. In all that time no  one had asked him about his missing bride. No one had dared to question  him.

He had dealt with the yawning gap in his life by working longer hours  and playing more polo. He had made improvements to the ranch and that  had made him even angrier, wondering if Danny would like what he'd done.  What did anything matter now?

She would always matter.

His security team had reported that, preferring to stand on her own  feet rather than return to her old job at Rottingdean, Danny was now  working as a Jack of all trades at a local stable close by the house in  Scotland where she had worked for Lizzie's family. He respected Danny's  wish to find herself, to be her own person, but respect didn't mean he  was giving up on their relationship.