As Sure as the Dawn(55)
He had sought her out yesterday and found her sitting in a sheltered corner, Caleb at her breast. She had been speaking softly to the babe as he nursed. She was so beautiful and serene, his heart squeezed tight. He stood unnoticed, above her and behind a barrel, watching his son suckle. The sudden longing that had swept over him had been so intense and acute he had hurt physically. He had thought all his emotions, save anger, had died long ago. Like a limb without the circulation of blood, he had been deadened. But now the blood flowed back, bringing numb emotions back to life—and with life, came excruciating pain.
Sensing his presence, she had glanced up. One look into her eyes and he had known he would never be able to say enough to make her think he had acted correctly in killing Gallus and the other. She had covered herself quickly, draping the shawl across her and Caleb as though forming some kind of protective barrier against him. Somehow, that act in itself hurt and angered him more than anything else she might have said or done. In her eyes, he was a murderer.
Perhaps he was. Perhaps that was all that was left of him. But whose fault was it? His or Rome’s?
Ever since setting foot on this wretched ship, he had been cut off from her. She was always in the company of the others, more often the women. When she was by herself, circumstances were such that he knew not to seek her out. He resented the influence the others had over her. It was his son she tended, not her own or one of theirs. Didn’t that give him some rights where she was concerned?
That bloody Roman centurion seemed to have no difficulty in speaking alone with her. Atretes had seen them standing on the prow of the ship, the wind whipping Rizpah’s hair. She talked to the centurion easily. And often. He had seen them laughing together once and wondered if he was the subject of their humor.
Every member of the group looked to the Roman for leadership, even Mnason who had seemed only too willing for the attention of such an exalted position. But the Roman had quickly taken up John’s standard. He rose before dawn to honor his god in praise and prayer. One by one, the others joined him until the predawn gathering had turned into a celebration!
Right now they were at it again. Atretes gritted his teeth beneath the blanket, listening. Theophilus was teaching them how to please their crucified Messiah.
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
“Amen,” the others said in unified agreement, grating Atretes’ already raw nerves.
“Exercise your gifts as the Lord directs. Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil and cling to what is good.”
“Amen.”
“Be devoted to one another in brotherly love, giving preference to one another in honor. Be fervent in the Spirit, serving the Lord with joy.”
“Amen.”
“Persevere in tribulation, devoting yourself to prayer and contributing to the needs of the saints. Bless those who persecute you and curse you.”
Atretes jaw stiffened, pricked at being reminded of the curses he had called down on Theophilus’ head at their first meeting, curses he laid down every time he saw the man. He’d see Theophilus in Hades before he ever let him put a foot on Chatti land and had told him so!
“Rejoice with those who rejoice. Weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own eyes.”
These words from a Roman? Atretes wanted to rise up and laugh at the irony of it.
“Never pay back evil for evil, but respect what’s right in the sight of all men.”
And what was right by Roman standards was to strip all men of their freedom! Hadn’t they stripped him of his? What was right?
“Be at peace.”
Pax Romana! he thought bitterly. Ha! Be at peace with Rome? Not while I have breath in my body!
“Be at peace with all men.”
Never.
“Never take your own revenge, but leave room for the wrath of God.”
I’ll call upon all the forces of the Black Forest to avenge myself upon you, Roman!
“Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
“Amen.”
“Remember, beloved, that God demonstrates his own love toward us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”
Not for me, he didn’t.
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son, that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have eternal life. For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world should be saved through him.”
“Amen,” the voices rang out joyously.
“Therefore, beloved, love one another.”
“Amen.”
“Love one another.”