As Sure as the Dawn(27)
“Is he still alive?”
“No. We fought. I won.”
His voice was flat and bleak, and she felt sudden pity for him. “You knew him well?”
“A gladiator hasn’t the luxury of knowing anyone well.”
“But had you friends, you would have wanted to count him among them.”
“Why do you say that?” he said coldly.
“Your bitterness and the fact that you still remember him.”
He gave a harsh laugh. “I remember them all!” He put his head back against the cold stone wall and closed his eyes. He couldn’t forget them. He saw their faces every night. He could see their eyes as their life’s blood drained into the sand. No amount of drink could exorcise them.
“I’m sorry,” she said softly.
Disbelieving, he looked down at her. The sheen of tears in her eyes angered him, for tears had been used against him before. Pushing away from the wall, he crouched down before her again and glared. “Why should you be sorry?” he sneered.
She was not intimidated. “Your life has been difficult.”
“I’ve survived.”
“At great cost.”
He gave a cold laugh and stood again, restless. “Better had I died. Yes? Then you would have the child all to yourself.”
“Had you died, Caleb might never have been born. And he is a gift from God, worth any sorrow.”
Atretes looked out the window at the bare compound and thick walls beyond. He felt as though he was back in the ludus. He wanted to scream and break down the walls.
Rizpah felt his wrath as though it was a dark being in the room with her. She recognized its malignant presence and the terrible danger of it. What could she possibly say to soothe him? She had no words. She couldn’t even imagine what his life had been like, nor was she sure she wanted to know. Her own had been difficult enough. She hadn’t the strength of faith to help him carry his burdens as well.
He turned. “We didn’t finish our conversation this afternoon.”
She saw Atretes wanted a fight, and it would appear she was the only available opponent with whom he could wage a battle.
We are mismatched, Lord. He can annihilate my heart.
“How long were you married?”
“Why do you ask me such a question?”
“It’s enough that I do!” he snapped, then drawled caustically, “You said you wouldn’t lie.”
“Nor will I.”
“Then answer.”
She gave him a pained smile. “Will you leave when I do?”
He wasn’t amused. “I will leave when I please.”
She let out her breath slowly, fighting the inclination to war with him as he wanted. “I was married for three years.” Caleb made a soft sound and she lifted him.
Atretes watched how she drew her shawl around her and his son so that they were wrapped together. “Were you faithful?”
She lifted her head and looked at him. “Yes, I was faithful.”
He sensed she was hiding something and hunkered down in front of her again, his eyes narrowed on her pale, moonlit face. “In our tribe, an unfaithful wife is stripped and whipped before the villagers. Then she’s killed.”
The hidden things of Rizpah’s own heart roused anger. “What of the man?”
“What do you mean, what of the man?”
“Adultery involves two people, doesn’t it?”
“Woman entices.”
She gave a soft laugh. “And man succumbs like a brainless ox?”
His hands tightened into fists as he thought of how easily he had fallen prey to Julia’s charms.
She laid Caleb down on her thighs again. “Man and woman are equal in the eyes of God,” she said, trying to keep her voice level.
He gave a cutting laugh. “Equal!”
“Shhh.” She put a finger to her lips. “You’ll wake him.” That should strike terror in this gladiator’s heart. She removed her shawl and covered the baby with it.
“Since when is a woman equal to a man?” he said between clenched teeth.
“Since the beginning when the Lord created both. And according to Mosaic law. The man and woman involved in adultery were both executed to prevent sin from spreading like a disease through the nation of Israel. Justice was to be dispensed equally.”
“I’m not a Jew!”
“Would that you were, my lord.” Even as she uttered the words, she regretted them. The silence that fell in the room was hot. Forgive me, Father. Make me mute! I listen to him and remember my life before Shimei, before you. And I want to fight back, even when I know I can’t win.
“Did your husband permit you to talk like this?”
Shimei. Precious Shimei. Tender memories rescued her from darker ones. She smiled. “Shimei often threatened to beat me.”