All or Nothing at All(109)

Had it been easier to see the past from his own viewpoint rather than accept his actions? Over the years, his memories had spun to cast her in the role of betrayer. The role of a liar bent on keeping the truth from him for revenge or selfishness. But maybe it had been so much bigger than that.

Maybe he was also in the wrong.

All those times he'd walked away, knowing he was deliberately hurting her but unable to stop it. The more she opened up her heart to him, the faster he ran. The easier it was to push her away, not wanting any more messy emotions to tear him apart. The night she was going to tell him about Becca, he'd announced his intention to leave for New York. Yes, he'd asked her to come, but had he ever given her any indication he wanted her to come?

No.

Because deep inside, he'd wanted to do it alone. Yes, he'd come back for her months later. But was it because he'd been lonely and aching for someone to love him? Had he been the one who set her up to be the ultimate giver, with him as the taker? What had he ever given to Sydney?

Not his love. Not his trust.

He'd given her great sex. Then expected it to be enough because he was so used to taking what he wanted from her.

His breath choked his lungs, and he stumbled outside, needing air. Opening the door, he walked onto the porch, staring into the sunny summer morning. He'd never loved her the way she truly needed him to. And if she'd told him about the baby, he could've destroyed them both.

She was right. He would have burned with resentment and stayed in Harrington. He would've taken out his rage and emotional emptiness on his child instead of finding himself and taking the time to heal his wounds. He hadn't been ready for anything eight years ago but refused to admit it.

He dropped his forehead into his open palms. What was he going to do? He'd pushed her to the breaking point, and there was no other place to go. She wanted to leave him. He needed to take the ultimate risk-for Becca. For Sydney.

For himself.

Raw emotion swirled inside, overtaking him, and he let it all flow through, finally accepting his fate.

He loved Sydney. She was his soul mate. His wife.

His entire life had been a series of steps to bring him to this moment. To her. His stupid fear and need to control almost ripped his future from his grasp. Somehow, he needed to try to make things right. Make her see how badly he needed her. Trusted her. Loved her.

It was time to give her everything he had and see if it was enough.

In a daze, he pulled out his phone and called his brothers.


"Mama, there's Morgan!"

Sydney paused from settling her daughter into her booster seat and cocked her head. Her friend walked over to the car, dressed in her usual polished white suit with kitten heels. "What are you doing here? Looking for ballet lessons?"

Morgan gave her a hug, then popped her head in the back to talk to Becca. "Hey, darlin'. I've come to ask if Uncle Cal and I can take you to the aquarium today."

"Yes! Oh, yes, Mama, please? Can I go? Please? The last time I got to pet a real stingray, but he didn't bite, and I want to do it again!"

"Raven and I thought we'd have an old-fashioned sleepover with Becca," Morgan continued. "Some girly DVDs. Popcorn. Painting our nails. Would it be okay if she slept over?"

Sydney frowned, trying to keep up. "That's really sweet of you. Do you want me to come, too?"

"No. You'll have other plans."

"Mama, please! I got new pajamas and pink slippers to match!"

"I cannot wait to see them," Morgan said with a smile. "In fact, why don't I swing by the house and pick up her overnight bag, and I'll check in with you tomorrow?"




 

 

Sydney shook her head, then looked around. "Oh no. Are you setting me up for some type of reality television thing? I hope it's not that one where you find out you've been dressing horribly and they buy you a whole new wardrobe."

Morgan's blue eyes flashed with excitement. "Nope. I'm under strict orders to send you to these places the rest of the afternoon. The appointments are already made, so don't be late."

Sydney glanced at the list her friend thrust in her hand. WTH? Her mouth fell open as she read it. "I don't know what's going on, but I can't do this stuff today. I have to stop at the dry cleaners and make cupcakes for the PTA. Then I have to stop back at the site. Who set this up?"

The answer slammed into her as soon as she asked the question.

Tristan.

Disappointment cut deep. This must be his last-ditch effort to try to mend things. Send her to a few beauty salons and everything gets better. Unbelievable. She shook her head. "No. You can tell Tristan I'm not interested."

Morgan leaned in, keeping her voice low. "Syd, I don't ask you for much, do I?"

A frown creased her brow. "No."