After the Christmas Party(163)

She kicked off her shoes. Holding her breath in anticipation, she slipped her foot into one pink hightop and admired the perfect fit. Oh, yeah, the man paid attention.

“I had to guess your size.”

“Riley.” She spun towards the door. Her open door. She’d been so distracted when she’d stepped inside that she hadn’t closed it. He stood there, filling up the doorway with her cat in his arms.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt, but the door was open.”

Her cheeks flushed. With joy that he was there. She didn’t need the magic of Christmas in her life.

She needed Riley, because he made every day magic.

He was magic.

“You’re not interrupting. Not really.” Not at all. Never had she been happier to see anyone. Would he think her crazy if she ran and threw herself at him? Wrapped her arms around his neck? Her legs around his waist?

“I brought Casper.” He glanced around, looked awkward then set the squirming cat down. Casper took off towards the tree, intent to check out the new items invading her space.

They both watched the cat sniff and check out the tree, the open package, and then settle into the box lid as if it was the most comfortable of beds.

Riley put his hands in his pants pockets. “I won’t keep you.”

He turned to go. Every fiber of her being screamed to stop him. To risk everything and fight for this man. Whatever came, pain, loss, suffering, a single moment in his arms was worth taking that risk.

“Please do,” she called out to his retreating back.

He turned, his forehead wrinkled. “What?”

She stood, took a deep breath. “Please do keep me, Riley.”

She wanted him to keep her for ever.

“I don’t understand.”

She took a step towards him then another, until she stood right in front of him, one shoe on, one shoe off. She stared up into his beautiful blue eyes.

“I want you to keep me, Riley. For ever.”

He regarded her for a moment. “What are you saying, Trinity?”

“That I’m an idiot who is so scared that you won’t love me, that you will leave me, that I’ve made it impossible for you to love me and all too probable that you’d leave.”

“You pushed me away.”

She nodded.

“Why?”

“Because I was scared of how I feel about you.”

“Which is?”

“I feel as if I can’t breathe when you aren’t around.”

Some of the tension around his eyes started to ease. “And?”

“And as if I can’t breathe when you’re around because you take my breath away.”

“Keep going,” he insisted, crossing his arms over his chest. But his eyes had lost the cloudiness that had hidden away the sparkle she loved. Now that sparkle had come back and gave her strength. If she wanted this, wanted him, she was going to have to confront her fears, not let them overpower her the way they had for the entire day, for years. “You aren’t going to make this easy, are you?”

“Lady, when I finally have you admitting that you care about me and want me in your life, you’d better believe that I’m going to keep pushing.”

“I…” She shrugged. “I didn’t know why you were so nice to me, why you wanted me, why you chose me. I thought maybe I was just another charity case.”

“Why wouldn’t I choose you? You’re everything to me. All day I’ve kidded myself that we were a mistake, that we should just call it quits, that I could let you go because I’m not a forever kind of man. But from the time you drove away, I knew I couldn’t ever call it quits with you.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “I don’t know what to do, Trinity. I never saw myself as marrying or having kids. Not with my career. I didn’t want to be one of those dads.” He paused. “I didn’t want to be my dad.”

“Your dad?” she asked, reeling at all he’d admitted, reeling that he’d said he loved her.

“He worked all the time, was always gone. That’s why Christmas is so special to my family. It was the one and only time of the year that my dad didn’t work. We had a day of him being with us, playing with us, with us being the center of his attention for an entire day. When the holiday was over, he was back at work and we rarely saw him until the following Christmas. I don’t mean to whine. I know I was blessed. He was a good man, provided a good living for his family.” Riley shrugged. “It’s just that it seemed he was only there as part of our family at Christmas.”

“Him working so hard allowed your mother to always be there for you kids, though.”

“You’re right,” Riley agreed. “I know that in my head.”