After the Affair(27)

Cassie did not look up at Dan when he opened her door and stretched out his hand. She took it, and as he drew her to his feet she finally lifted her eyes. She was taken aback when he smiled at her. 'You look very beautiful,' came his softly spoken compliment.

For a long moment they stared at each other, silent and still, and Cassie felt an overwhelming rush of emotion. It filled her soul, pierced her heart. It was blinding in its intensity.

I love him, came the awful realisation. I've always loved him.

She shrank from the admission, her blood going cold, her hand pulling away from his.

Dan turned away from her, but not before she saw the renewed tightening of his features.

'Come on, everyone,' he said with perfect control. 'The celebrant is waiting for us in the gazebo. Come, Cassie...' He turned back and took her hand without really looking at her and the group moved off.

Somehow Cassie made it through the ceremony. She spoke when she had to speak, smiled when she had to smile, kissed when she had to kiss.

Nothing much registered. She felt numb. All she could think was why...why...why...?

He didn't deserve her love. He'd tried neither to win it nor to earn it. Nine years ago he had taken all she had to offer, then deserted her. Now he had swept back into her life, ridden roughshod over her emotions, then forced her to marry him. Even his love for Jason could not justify his selfishness. Cassie felt crushed by the unfairness of it all. Crushed and close to despair.

'You look tired, darling,' her mother said afterwards as they stood sipping champagne on the veranda. Roger and Dan were talking to one side; Jason was playing with Hugo, despite dire warnings about his new suit; the celebrant had departed in the helicopter.

'What was that, Mum?' Cassie said, her manner distracted.

Joan was frowning at her. 'Everything is all right between you and Dan, isn't it, Cassie?'

Cassie pulled herself together. Her mother deserved better than to be forever weighed down with her grown-up daughter's problems. As a parent she had been wonderfully supportive, even renting out her home for some years to go to Sydney to help mind Jason while Cassie went to university.

'Of course, Mum. Don't go imagining things. I'm just tired. You know what a rush it's been this week, shopping for these clothes, packing and moving things over to Strath-haven, organising things for Jason.'

Joan nodded in agreement. 'Yes... You'll be glad of a holiday. Just as well you're not leaving till tomorrow, though. Where will you be staying in Sydney? I might need to ring you.'

'To tell the truth, I don't have any idea where we'll be staying. Dan wants it to be a surprise.' Which was a lie. Cassie and Dan had not communicated on a private level at all during the past week. Except for the ring. She glanced down at the wide gold band, truly aware of it for the first time.

Married, she thought shakily. For better for worse, for richer for poorer... She looked around. Well, it was certainly for richer, came the ironic thought.

'I'll give you a call in the morning, Mum,' she said, 'and tell you where we'll be.'

'I think it's time we made tracks, love,' Roger called to Joan. 'You know how short these days are. It'll be dark soon.'

Cassie turned to Roger. 'You won't forget to check on Rosie, will you?' she asked, unable to keep the anxiety from her voice.

Roger came over with a big smile on his face and hugged her. 'Now don't you worry your pretty head about that horse of yours, my dear. I wouldn't miss an excuse to come out and visit your mother, now, would I?'

'Is there some problem with a horse?' Dan asked. 'Cassie?' His face was faintly reproachful.

Cassie stiffened instantly, causing Roger to give her a puzzled look. She made a conscious effort to relax and smile. 'Not really. I'm just an old worry-wart. Like Mum. Come on, you two, off you go. I know you have things to do. Jason! Time to go!'

Her mother became tearful now that the time had come to say goodbye. Even Jason seemed subdued. Cassie bent down and gave him a big hug and a kiss. For once he didn't complain about her being mushy. He hung on tightly. 'You're to be a good boy for Gran,' she said, her voice thick, 'and when Daddy and I get back we'll come and get you.'

'Straight away? You promise?'

'I promise.' He sounded so young, Cassie thought, with a clutch at her heartstrings. She gave him another squeeze, shutting her eyes tight to stop her own tears from spilling over. When she opened them to look over Jason's shoulder, she saw that Dan was watching her. His face was totally unreadable.

'Got a hug for me, too, son?' he asked.

For some unaccountable reason, Jason did not answer. Or turn around. He buried his face in his mother's neck, almost knocking her hat off.

Dan knelt down close. 'I'm not taking your Mummy away for long, Jason,' he reassured him gently. 'We'll ring you every night. And next year we'll all go on holidays together. To anywhere you'd like to go.'