CHAPTER ONE
Melanie dragged herself through the door, throwing her keys down on the dining room table. She was heavy and exhausted but didn’t even have the strength the make it to the bedroom. Instead, she pulled out a chair, plopped down in it, and placed her head in her hands. Her head was pounding after another night downing three bottles of wine by herself. It had become her Sunday night routine for months, but it was wearing on her. She couldn’t remember a night in the past six months that she hadn’t had at least one drink.
That’s what had led her to this moment, the moment where rock bottom was only about an inch away. She had been a receptionist at Saunders and Murry Law Firm for three years, and she’d managed to hang onto it through the worst of her benders because she was such a hard worker. That only took her so far, and when she’d gone into work that morning, one hour late with an obvious hangover, her boss had called her into the office.
As Melanie sat there she played the speech over and over in her mind, wondering what had led her to that point. When had life turned into one drunk evening after another? “Melanie,” her boss had said so stern and somber at the same time, “I have been lenient for a long time now. I have believed you when you called in sick three days in a row several times. I let you wear sunglasses after two supposed eye appointments. I have accepted all your excuses because I know what you’ve gone through, and you’re one of my best workers. Well, you were one of my best workers. You are absent even when you’re here, Melanie, and it’s been a while now that this has been going on. I kept hoping you’d pick yourself up and dust yourself off one day, but instead it’s gotten worse. I have no choice but to let you go. And I hope that this comes as enough of a shock to wake you up and get help. If you need anything I will be happy to help.”
Melanie had sat there in her boss’s office, looking dumbfounded, her hair in disarray, and circles under her eyes, saying nothing. As soon as her boss stopped talking, she walked out, didn’t even clear off her desk. Had she become numb to losing things? When you lost two people you loved in a few months of each other, it could happen.
She let her head fall onto the wooden tabletop as her hand went instinctually to her abdomen, as it often did. Melanie thought after two years she’d be over it, but apparently she wasn’t. She still felt so empty inside.
She began to cry for the first time in a while. Generally the alcohol and the parties kept her feeling pretty good and kept her going, but everything was catching up to her, and she’d gone several hours now without feeding the addiction. And in that moment she knew that’s what it was: an addiction. Not just an addiction to drinking, but an addiction to feeling good, to drowning her pain instead of facing it head on.
She looked at the time on her phone and decided she should go sleep off the headache until lunchtime. Then, she’d give her friends a call and ask for help. That was the first step, right?
Melanie dragged herself out of the chair and into her bedroom where she stripped off her black dress and threw it onto the floor. She went into the bathroom to search for her pajamas, which she realized were in the hamper. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and froze. Her hair looked like she’d been rolling around in a pile of leaves, and her makeup was leftover from two days before, making big rings around her eyes like a raccoon. No wonder she had gotten fired. She hadn’t even tried to hide the fact that she was hungover.
She shook her head and gave up on trying to find her filthy pajamas. Instead, she went to her closet to pull out some yoga pants and a t-shirt. They would have to do. She just really wanted a nap to clear her head so \ she could get her life straight after two years of screwing it up royally.
She averted her eyes from the pair of maternity jeans that were still hanging at the back of the closet and shut the door, determined not to get herself down. She’d have to take care of it later.
She got herself comfortable under the covers and switched on her radio alarm clock, not even bothering to brush through her ratty hair before sinking down into the pillows. As her favorite song came on the radio, she closed her eyes and began to drift off with just a small touch of hope that wasn’t there before that one day soon she might not be so miserable that she had to get drunk and pass out just to survive the day.
***
“I think she’s waking up.” That was the first thing Melanie heard as she began to wake from her nap. She recognized the voice as being her friend Irene, and looking up she could see both Irene and her best friend Caleb were standing over her bed, with sympathetic looks on their faces.