Adam's List(28)

My panties grow wet as desire envelops me. I feel his full excitement push up against my thigh and reach into his pants for it, wanting to please him. He’s rock hard, shaking with the blood forcefully pumping through him. I wrap my hand around him and tug gently as our mouths return to eager kisses. He finally slips his fingers inside of me, and I cry out into his mouth, my body on fire.

The reality of what I’m doing doesn’t kick in until he whispers, “You like that? You want more?”

I twist from his hold, shocked by how easy it was to get carried away. “Wait.” He looks up, the hunger in his eyes pulsating. Normally, I would find it to be a major turn-on, but now it just reminds me of the one track his mind seems to be forever on. “I thought we were going to ‘just talk’.”

With a resigned sigh, he dips his head, taking a step back. “Right.” I collapse next to him on the bed. His hardness presses against the part of me that still pangs for him when he pulls me into his strong arms. “God, I’ve missed you this week.” A little grin transforms the light in his eyes, and he buries his face into my neck, breathing me in.

Licking my lips, tender from his wiry goatee, I try to decide how to tell him what I’m feeling. If I tell him I miss him, too, it would be a straight out lie. And I can’t tell him I love him, either. Because I’m 100% positive I don’t. I have no idea how I let myself get into this situation.

“I’m not taking you back. I’ve already decided to move on,” I finally say. I push on his chest, wishing I could just yell at him to let go. “Even if I did decide to give you another chance—”

“Move in with me.” He leans back, catching my gaze. His eyes are dull. “After you’re done with the semester.”

Heat rushes through me as my breathing becomes tight. I suddenly feel rooted in place, wanting to either scream or hit something until I collapse. “What?”

He shrugs. “I want to prove to you that I can do this, Jewels. I want this thing with us to work.” His fingers swipe away a strand of hair that falls in my face.

I scramble to my feet, feeling as if the walls have closed in with the bomb that came out of nowhere. I wrote Levi off, and he hasn’t crossed my mind in all the time I’ve spent with Adam. “I broke up with you for a reason. What makes you think I want to take this to another level? You’ve never even called me your girlfriend.”

He reaches out to hook his finger in the loop of my jeans, pulling me back down to him. “I meant what I said. I want you around and think whatever this is, it could grow into love.” His lips brush softly against mine, filled with promise, and his hands get lost in the thick of my hair.

Then it happens. His words trigger something deep down. I lose all inhibitions, and get lost in the strong arms of Levi Travis. My brain screams out to stop, that I’m taking things too far and Levi isn’t the one I want, but my body refuses to obey its commands.

It’s been like this since we first got together. His touches stir something within me that’s been bruised and broken since I broke up with Jason. They make me feel alive, and remind me that I’m wanted. That I’m still worthy of being loved.

Our breaths become quick and labored as we toss our jeans to the floor. He flips me on my back, rocking above me as we devour each other. Everything about his hard body feels so familiar, from the warmness of his skin to the sharp ridges of his biceps and chest. As always, when his mouth falls down to my breasts and his warm hand travels down between my legs, I become insane with desire for him. I grip his jaw, pulling his mouth back up to mine. His hand drops to the side of the bed as he fishes around for his jeans and the condom he always keeps in his back pocket.

I’ve wiggled out of my panties before Levi’s finished rolling the rubber on. He pushes inside of me with one healthy thrust, his face alight with pleasure. I dig my fingernails into his back and whimper when I realize I’m letting this happen. I want to tell him to stop instead of pushing my hips against him, matching his rhythmic thrusts. His hands wrap around my bottom, squeezing, as his tongue barges halfway down my throat.

Tears spring to my eyes. I meant to break up with him, not have a last romp. I have no idea if I still feel anything for him, or if I’m just caught up in the hot sex so I will feel something. My stomach roils with regret.

I open my mouth to yell out “stop”, but there’s a sudden sharp rap on the door.

Relieved by the perfect timing, I begin to wiggle out from underneath him. “It’s probably Kel,” I whisper.

“She can wait,” he mutters in a throaty voice, drawing his mouth back to mine.