Absolute Beginners(85)

“I mean, it’s not like I’ve really lost anything,” she mumbled, mostly to herself.

“Was he…sick?” I asked.

She let out a bitter laugh. “He was probably in better shape than I was. But his mind…” She took a shaky breath and I felt her tremble again. “He…he didn’t even…I was his…and he didn’t even,” she sobbed.

I couldn’t make out the meaning of her words. She was crying again. I tried to turn her around but she wouldn’t move. Instead, she picked up the book that I had been reading earlier and hurled it across the room with an angry yell.

“He didn’t even know who I was, Stephen!” she cried and spun around into my arms. I picked her up and sat down on the couch with her curled up in my lap. Her body shook with sobs and she didn’t say anything for a long time. I held her tightly and stroked her hair and it seemed to calm her a little. She felt so tiny and fragile in my arms, almost like a child. While I was beyond willing to have her stay here tonight and take care of her in her time of need, I was sure there were people waiting for her.

“Julia,” I murmured softly. “Do you want me to take you back to your family? Your parents?”

“They’re dead,” she said in a monotone.

“Oh, God,” I whispered. “Julia, I’m so sorry, I had no idea.”

“That’s OK. You didn’t know,” she said, leaning her head on my shoulder.

“Siblings?” I asked, almost afraid of hearing the answer.

“No, it was just me and Pop.”

No family at all?

“Now it’s just me, I guess,” she whispered. “I can go to Megan and Sophia’s if you want me to leave.”

“No!” I said immediately, tightening my hold on her. “Please stay. I don’t want you to go. I just thought you might like to be with…you know…”

Don’t say “family”.

She sighed. “I know we don’t usually do this, but…”

“But what?” I asked.

“Can I stay here tonight?” she asked, so quietly that I could barely hear her.

“Of course,” I said, running my hand up and down her back. “You can stay as long as you want.”

Stay forever.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“Do you need anything?” I asked. “Can I do something?”

I felt so helpless and I didn’t know how to make it better for her.

“I’d like to get out of this shitty dress,” she mumbled. “I hate it.”

“Um, would you like a bath first?” I asked. “You can borrow something to wear afterward.”

She nodded and crawled off my lap. I led her into the bathroom and showed her where I kept the towels before I went into my bedroom and found a pair of pajamas. After a few minutes I knocked on the door and walked in to find her sitting in the tub with her arms curled around her bent legs, soaking in the water. She was so tiny and my heart ached her for.

“Are you hungry?” I asked. “Did you have dinner?”

She shook her head.

“Lunch?”

“No.”

“Julia, when was the last time you ate?”

“Yesterday…maybe. I’m not hungry.”

“I’m making you something,” I said firmly.

“OK,” she said, nodding her head. I was happy that she didn’t argue with me.

“Just come out whenever you’re ready, all right?” She nodded again and I turned to leave.

“Thank you, Stephen,” she said quietly.

I gave her a smile and then left to give her some privacy. In the kitchen, I decided to make a simple pasta dish. It was quick and I knew that she liked Italian food. I was exceedingly happy that she had decided to come here in her time of need and that I was able to take care of her. I made a few calculations in my head while I was cooking, and came to the conclusion that her grandfather must have died sometime Saturday since I had seen her on Friday at the club. I wished that she would have called me when she found out, but I hoped that she had at least been with Megan and Sophia the last few days. I hated the thought of her going through all of this on her own.

I had just finished making dinner when she came out of the bathroom, looking skittish and out of place, wearing my pajamas that were so big on her she had to roll up the pant legs several times to avoid stepping on them.

“Thank you for the clothes,” she said, shifting her weight.

I gave her a smile, hoping it would ease her nervousness. I didn’t want her to feel awkward around me, even though things were so different than she was used to right now.

“You ready to eat?” I asked.