A Year to Remember(94)

Lila got out of her car, and I could sense she was not happy to find Caleb with another woman. Not surprisingly, she looked a lot like me with dark hair and eyes. The big difference was the cross she wore around her neck.

I slid off the car to give Lila a hug. I gave a lot of hugs now that I was active in OA. She started, but accepted it anyway.

“Hi, Lila, I’m Sara. Caleb told me a lot about you. He’s a great guy, and I’m really happy you two found each other.”

She pulled back and smiled. “I guess I have you to thank for it.”

“No, I think it was meant to be.” I didn’t want to scare her off by mentioning Higher Power or God.

Caleb took Lila’s hand and they gazed lovingly into each other’s eyes.

Time for me to go.

“You guys have a great time. I’m sure my brother will tell me when you guys get engaged,” I said, and they both blushed. Guess it wouldn’t be long before I heard that announcement.

I got into my car and cranked the music in celebration. I had made amends to the two people that weighed heavily on my conscience. As a result, I felt lighter both metaphorically and literally.

With my burden lifted, I could now figure out what I wanted to do about Adam. I had two days to decide if it was more important to get married or be with the one who made me happy.

In the last three months, I had learned to stand on my own two feet. I could live without Adam. I didn’t want to. I didn’t need a license or a party to validate our love. There were plenty of other ways to show commitment. As long as Adam could promise me forever and children, I should be able to forego marriage. We’d be like Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. If it worked for them, it can work for us, right?

Yes, I’d be making a sacrifice, but I’d be getting much more in return. I loved him, and he was good for me. Other than the legality of marriage, Adam and I had the same values. We were sexually compatible, which I discovered is something I needed in my relationship.

I didn’t want just anyone.

I wanted Adam.

I hoped he still wanted me.

With that issue resolved, I had only one more problem. I had only two more days to get the perfect Halloween costume.





CHAPTER 36




A Year to Remember Blog



Sara Friedman’s journey to find her soul mate



October 30, 2012 Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!





I’ve spent the last couple of weeks facing my fears. I didn’t realize how many I had until I made myself confront them. Yes, I’ve always known I have a fear of flying (actually, it’s a fear of crashing) and a fear of sharks. I’m talking about those fears hidden deep within the confines of our soul. The ones you don’t acknowledge.

My biggest fear is the fear of being alone. The phobia is termed monophobia and is also referred to as autophobia. The funniest thing is I used to think I didn’t mind it. I’ve spent plenty of Saturday nights alone in my condo and I didn’t think I feared it. But I did. That’s why I needed and used substances to quell the anxiety.

Some people use alcohol. Others use drugs or sex. I use food.

I’m ready to admit I’m a compulsive overeater. Food is my drug of choice and I used it because I’m terrified of being alone.

That’s why I wanted to find my soul mate by my thirtieth birthday. I believed if I got married, I’d never be alone again. I failed to consider I could feel completely alone even if married. I can feel alone in a room full of people.

I spoke about beshert at my brother’s wedding. I don’t think soul mates are two halves of a whole. I believe two whole souls join together. If I married right now, it couldn’t be beshert because I’m not quite whole yet. But I’m working on it ...





CHAPTER 37




OCTOBER 31, 2012

DETROIT, MICHIGAN



“Sara! I’m glad you’re here! You look great!” Emily shouted from across the crowded foyer of the home she and Seth shared.

I had settled on a red Star Trek dress that fell mid-thigh which I paired with knee high black boots. It was both comfortable and sexy, the best combination. I didn’t work too hard on my makeup, only adding a little red lipstick and black eyeliner.

Missy had a date with Hannah tonight, but she wished me luck before I left for the party. She and Hannah had dressed as dominatrices. I think Hannah had all the clothes in her closet already. I told Missy I wanted to see pictures.

Alison was going to a party with David from our Israel trip. I didn’t want to pry, but I had a feeling something had happened between them our last night in Jerusalem. I thought they would make a great couple and I hoped things worked out for them.

It wasn’t as though I was going to a party where I wouldn’t know anyone. After all, the party was at my brother and sister-in-law’s house and I had known at least half of the guests for more than ten years, if not longer.