A Year to Remember(3)
Missy laughed and put her arms around me, pulling me into a hug. “I’ll do my best, but it won’t be easy,” she teased.
She and I left our dressing room and entered a conference room filled to capacity with five bridesmaids, five groomsmen, four parents, two siblings, one bride, one groom, one wedding planner, and one seriously ancient Rabbi.
All heads turned to me.
“I’m out of here,” muttered Missy, running out of the room.
“Traitor!” I said, under my breath.
Apparently, I spoke louder than I thought, because Goldman gave me another one of his smiles and added a chuckle.
Let’s just hope my mother didn’t hear.
I tried to take a seat at the conference table, but I couldn’t sit with all the Spanx. The bridal party glared at me, surely wondering why I awkwardly rested on the back of the chair, straddling rather than sitting in it.
I smiled and gave them the only excuse I could think up on such short notice. “I don’t want to wrinkle my dress before the ceremony.”
After a few uncomfortable seconds, the Rabbi began. “Even though you have three hundred people waiting in the sanctuary to watch you marry, the marriage actually occurs right now as we sign the Ketubah. For those of you who may not know, the beautiful Ketubah chosen by Emily and Seth is a Jewish marriage contract which explains that marriage is not only a physical and emotional union , but a legal and moral commitment to one another. As Emily’s husband, Seth promises to provide her with food, clothing, a home, and my personal favorite, physical pleasure. Note it says nothing about Emily’s obligations to Seth.”
Everyone laughed, as the Rabbi had intended. I’m sure he told the same joke at every wedding.
“Emily and Seth will now sign the Ketubah, followed by their witnesses, Adam and Sara,” declared the Rabbi.
After signing the Ketubah, I joined my parents, while the parties signed the marriage certificate for the State of Michigan.
“Technically, Seth and Emily are now husband and wife. But since your guests are waiting to see you two get married, I suppose we shouldn’t disappoint them.” The Rabbi paused, waiting for the laugh. I forced one, so he wouldn’t be offended, but honestly, I started to feel a little sorry for the old guy.
“Now for the Badekan, Seth will put a veil over Emily, just like when Rebecca married Isaac. This reminds us that however attractive physical appearance may be, the soul and character of a person are more important.”
Hmm, maybe I should wear a veil from now on.
After Seth and Emily repeated a few things in Hebrew I didn’t understand, the Rabbi led us to the lobby of the Sanctuary for the “unofficial” wedding ceremony. The party planner lined us all up like cattle and the music began to play. My mother insisted on standard Jewish music, but Emily and Seth chose to walk to “Wind Beneath My Wings” played by a live harp player.
I walked down the aisle with Caleb Young. Too bad he came with a date, because for a friend of my brother’s, he seemed to be a decent guy, not to mention good-looking.
Unlike the men I’m usually attracted to, Caleb had light brown hair with natural golden highlights and blue eyes. I preferred my men a little on the heavier side or at least tall and muscular, but Caleb was lean and only a few inches taller than my five-foot five inches. I’d bet my life savings he ran for fun. I never understood the point of running, unless someone chased you. Plus, I only dated Jewish men and judging by the cross around his neck, Caleb was a nice Catholic boy.
We took our places around the chuppah as the ceremony began. My feet swelled from my high heels and it would be another half-hour before I could attempt to sit. Hopefully, Missy would figure out a way for me to sit without popping out of my Spanx.
Halfway through the ceremony, something fell into my eye. I tried to ignore it, but it hurt too much and I couldn’t keep it open. My eyes watered uncontrollably and I prayed Ophelia used waterproof mascara or else I’d end up resembling a wet raccoon before the service ended.
After what felt like an eternity, Missy rescued me by discretely passing me a tissue. God, I love that woman. It’s really too bad I’m not a lesbian, because she’s exactly what I’ve been searching for, minus the penis, of course.
As I dried my tears and removed the source of my discomfort, a clump of mascara, I peered into the sea of guests, who should have been watching Seth and Emily drinking from a cup of wine. To my absolute horror, six hundred eyes focused on me.
I choked back the urge to run off and check a mirror. I raised an eyebrow at Missy who then pointed to her smile. What the hell was that supposed to mean? Her whole body shook with repressed laughter.