A Wifey for the Bad Boy(218)

“Of course you are baby.”

“Don't 'baby' me.”

“Please don't be like this.”

“What should I be like? Should I say okay it's fine carry on with your cyber affair? Should I lie and say that this doesn't bother me? Should I not bring up the fact that I've been feeling so lonely ever since you started this new job but I haven't said anything because I didn't want to stress you out even more, but now I find that instead of coming to me you turn to this Rebecca.”

“It's just...it's easy with her, I can just lose myself...”

“You're supposed to lose yourself with me. I'm supposed to be the fucking love of your life,” I said, my voice cracking with emotion. Lacey was quiet after that. She closed the laptop and sat down. The tension rose between us and the blood boiled under my skin. I wanted to hit her, to scream at her, but I was impotent with rage so I just stood there simmering, listening to her tell me her sob story about how she was under so much pressure and didn't want to dispel the image I had of her. How she wanted to prove that she could handle things and that Rebecca was just a way for her to escape from her life for a little while, to pretend that she was someone else. It all seemed like a hollow excuse to me and I didn't understand any of her reasons but she begged and pleaded with me to stay and work things out and I did because we were the couple that everybody wanted to be. We were the ones that everyone was envious of and I liked that about us, and surely in relationships you were supposed to keep trying even if you hit a bump in the road because you had chosen that person and that meant you had to compromise and sacrifice your own ego sometimes. But I made her delete the e-mails and block Rebecca and we promised never to talk about it again.

That night we made love but it left me unsatisfied. I could only think about what she had described to Rebecca and even though she said nothing happened I knew that Rebecca must have invaded her thoughts, that Lacey would have thought about sharing a bed with her, about peeling away that soft silk to get to the perfect curves and the undoubtedly shaved wetness, to taste and bury herself inside Rebecca, feeling the trembles of her body as the moans escaped her lips.

I kept my mouth closed as I didn't want her tongue inside my throat. I let her fingers inside and I tried to let the pleasure wash through me as it usually did but my body was shut down. I heard her moaning as she rubbed herself, trying to force us back into an orgasmic heaven but my body was empty and I just wanted it to be over.

I felt the wet stains against my leg as she nestled up against me, murmuring that I was the best lover ever and nobody had ever turned her on as much. It all rang hollow to me though, and it felt like she was saying it to make up for the hurt she had caused, like it was all some sort of performance. I let her cuddle me but I felt stifled, imprisoned by my love for her. Had I given my heart to the wrong person? I didn't know, but I lay awake as she slept, and it was obvious that she wasn't plagued by the same demons as I.

We limped along as a couple after that. She tried harder to make things up to me but the more she tried the more forced it felt and there was a barrier between us. People still said that we were the ideal couple when they saw us out and about, but I think that was borne from their memories rather than what they were witnessing, because I certainly didn't feel happy. It's always struck me strange at how fragile love is. People would have us believe that it's the strongest thing in the world, that it can survive anything, but when things happen like they did with me and Lacey, love evaporated quickly, and we went from being so close to being strangers. We still had sex but it was more out of habit and routine than anything, until we stopped altogether.

I think we both wanted out but it would take one of us to form the courage and pull the plug. Of course that was Lacey. When she finally suggested it I agreed with her. I wondered if she had started talking to Rebecca again, or if there was someone else that she was exchanging e-mails with, but I didn't ask. Not at that point anyway. Afterwards, with all the phone calls, it came up. I'm not proud about how I handled the aftermath of our break-up but I'm only human, and she's a bitch.





Chapter 4

There are a few stages you go through when you're first single again after being in a relationship, especially one that ended badly. To start with, there's a feeling of loss, and you start to realize how alone you really are. I became aware of this because of the small things, like something left in the fridge that Lacey had bought, or a movie we had recorded to watch together, and it made me feel this all-encompassing loneliness that suffocated me. All the plans we had made were never going to come to fruition and it wasn't just her I was saying goodbye to, it was a whole future of us being together.