A Time to Dance(81)

            Unable to sleep, I twist and untwist the fabric.


My phantom comes alive.

            Beneath my right knee,

            nails scratch at invisible skin.

            I bite down. Sweat beads on my lips.

            I bolt upright and grip my residual limb.

            This is all I have.

            My pain is an illusion.

            I will not give in.


A beam of moonlight gleams through the bronze circle of flame

            in which my Shiva dances.

            Shiva, I pray,

            open my third eye.

            Help me sense the truth

            and drive away this unreal pain.

            Open my third eye.

            Show me your light.

            And let me see

            Govinda’s feelings for me

            and mine for him

            clearly.


I press on the spot between my brows.

            Desperate.

            My forehead wet with sweat.

            Concentrate.

            Reality is the pressure between my eyebrows.


Next morning, I see a red dot

            bored into the skin at the center of my forehead

            by my fingernail.





HAUNTED





Chandra knows right away something’s wrong

            when we meet for lunch at school.

            “What’s the matter, Veda? Someone say something?

            Need me to punch the terrible twins?”


“Govinda said he liked me

            but I messed it all up, Chandra.

            Acted like I didn’t care

            if we never met again.”


“So call him and apologize.

            It’s as easy as that,” Chandra says.


“But it—scares me

            how Govinda gives in to his parents.

            What if Govinda and I get together

            and his parents don’t like me?

            Will

            he give me up, too,

            like that rich boy who dumped your sister?”


“Not every rich boy is an invertebrate like my sister’s ex.

            And look at your ma. She married your pa

            though her family said no.”


“My ma admitted she still misses her family.

            It takes a lot of strength to do what she did.”

            My voice shakes. “Chandra, I don’t know what to do.

            I miss him. I’m so confused.”


“You’ll work it out,” Chandra says.

            I’m not sure if she means

            Govinda and I will work things out together

            or if she means

            I’ll work him out of my system.





OFFERING THANKS





I’m practicing on my own at home

            trying not to think how much I miss Govinda,