A Stone in the Sea(96)

My entire body stuttered out a sigh of relief, like the adrenaline that had twisted me tight finally seeped free.

It was as if the same tremor I released rolled straight through Shea.

Voice full of tears, Shea’s murmur filled the dark. “I had her, Sebastian. I had her.”

I buried my nose in her hair. “I know, baby. I know. The wave was too strong.”

She shook her head, like she was discounting what I’d said. “I can’t believe I let her go. She should have had on a vest, but I thought…I…” She clung tighter, her mouth whispered against the skin of my forearm. “What would have happened had you not been there? You saved her.”

Pain twisted me in two, and my insides quaked, and the words were leaving me before I could stop them. “The sea took Julian.”

“No,” she whispered so tightly, squeezing me closer, as if she were trying to take the sick reality from me.

Austin drowned him.

The rest of it burned on my tongue, the urge to say it aloud, to lay it all out. The burden that had always seemed too great to bear.

But that was a secret I’d sworn to take to my grave.

“I couldn’t allow it to happen again. Not to Kallie. I would have died getting to her if I had to. I won’t let anything happen to her.” My voice came rough with the promise. “Or to you. I’m going to take care of you.”

Wetness seeped into my skin, and Shea sniffled as she allowed herself to cry in my arms.

I swallowed around the lump wedged deep in my throat, pushed the words out around it. “What happened at the hospital—”

“Please.” Shea cut me off. “Not tonight. I can’t handle anything more tonight. Just…hold me.”

Relief poured over me like a balm, giving way to the exhaustion that weighed us down. I didn’t allow myself to consider just how terrified I was of her sending me away until she asked me to stay.

I exhaled into the thick silence.

Energy simmered around us. Glowing at the corners of my consciousness. Quiet yet unsettled.

Growing.

Transforming.

Taking on a new life.





MORNING ENCROACHED AT THE WINDOW of my bedroom. Slowly, I blinked into the dimness, attempting to orient myself to the promise of a new day after yesterday had threatened a tragedy I would not have survived.

Every inch of me felt as if I’d been run over, like my entire being was raw with open wounds. Driven right into the ground. But I knew all of the pain hinged on the idea of Kallie not being a part of this world.

Sickness clawed at me, dripping slow as it spread through my veins, and I hugged Kallie to me, my precious girl who was still lost in sleep, the horror of the day before leaving her exhausted and weak.

“Thank you, God,” I whispered into all her wild, wild hair, pressing my mouth into it as I drew her in.

I knew she was fine, but my head was still filled with a hurricane of What ifs.

What if Baz hadn’t been there?

What if we’d been alone, the way we’d been so many times before?

What if he hadn’t gotten to her in time?

What if.

What if.

What if.

It was enough to leave my soul crushed and my mind on overload.

I’d given up what I’d always believed would be my world so Kallie could become it instead—my joy and my heart and light. My entire life.

But seeing her in Baz’s arms? In his care? Suddenly my entire life that had belonged solely to Kallie now also belonged to him, because he’d been sinking into it since the moment I first found him in that secluded corner. Now those simple dreams weren’t so simple anymore. I’d always known Sebastian was anything but a simple man and what he made me feel could never be labeled simple.

It was disorder. Every touch fire. Every look a flame.

Last night I could feel it stronger than ever before, emanating from him, the trauma that held him hostage as he whispered his admission into the back of my head.

And I knew.

And I knew.

And I knew.

I had always felt his pain, saw this man more clearly than anyone, yet somehow with every passing moment, he drew me deeper into his darkness and let me glimpse a little more of him.

And I’d wanted to turn to him, to hold him and take it away. Take it on as my own if it would give him solace from his grief. But instead, it was Baz who had held us all night, holding me up when I was sure I was going under. As I’d drifted to sleep, I’d been swept in dreams that had lifted and built, dreams that had flourished into something I never thought they could be, his arms strong and sure, as if he himself were pouring them into me.

Us.

Last night, that’s what my heart had proclaimed.

I wanted it.

Forever.

After what happened when we left the hospital, I knew a life with Sebastian would always be complicated. I guess I’d known it all along. And the terrifying thing was, I was all too willing to accept it.