A Shade Of Blood(25)

“She’ll survive.”
I stared at the book in front of me. Orwell’s 1984. I felt a lot like the characters in the book… following a routine set out by someone else. It’d been several weeks since Ben and I returned to high school. We were beginning to fall back into old patterns of normalcy. He was once again the school quarterback, the amazing golden boy, popular and beloved. I was once again his best friend for reasons no one but Ben understood.
However, I could tell that something shifted in the dynamic of our relationship. I used to be so dependent on Ben, it was borderline pathetic. I was practically his shadow. I loved being around him and I resented seeing him with other girls – Tanya Wilson included. Now, hearing about his forays into high school flings and relationships, it just made me feel disconnected.
If there was one thing that I was certain The Shade changed about me; it made me independent of Ben. I loved him. He was still my best friend after all, but I no longer needed him, no longer pined for him. I could actually imagine a life without him. I found the realization both fearful and empowering.
“What are those?” Ben pointed at several pieces of paper I had scattered over the library table. He didn’t wait for a response and grabbed one of the papers. “College application forms? Harvard?”
I shrugged. “I was thinking of becoming a lawyer. You know that.”
“So you’re actually considering going to college?”
I wrinkled my nose. “Why wouldn’t I? What else would I do? That’s what we’re doing here, aren’t we? Trying to return to normal? That’s where all this leads, Ben. We graduate. We go to college.”
My statements were received with silence.
“You won’t get that football scholarship if you don’t go to practice.” I grabbed my bag, which I left on the floor beside me and took out a pen. I pulled one of the college application forms and began filling it out. Take a hint, Ben. Go away.
Ben grabbed the form I was writing on, crumpled it and tossed it on the table. “Eliza gave me a name and a number… She was the girl…”
“I know who she is,” I interrupted. Just the mention of the name made me feel guilty. I knew it escaped reason, but I felt like an accessory to a crime that Derek committed. “What name? What number?”
“The hunters. It’s a contact person… His name’s Reuben. I think he’s my… our… ticket in.”
I sat up straight, threw the pen I was holding over the table and slammed my book shut. “You can’t be serious, Ben. You’re saying you’re going to join them?”
“No. I’m saying we’re going to join them. How else will I exact revenge on The Shade, Sofia? It’s not like I can crawl back to the police and change our story.”
“Where is this coming from, Ben? We’d barely spoken about the island…”
“Not speaking about it doesn’t mean neither of us is thinking about it. We get nightmares every single night, Sofia… Don’t tell me you haven’t been thinking about that place.”
“Of course I have, but I thought…”
“…but you thought what? We’d just move on? Come on, Sofia… High school? College? I think we’ve been so good at pretending to be normal that you got yourself convinced that we’re actually normal. The Shade stole that from us and they’ve stolen it from countless others. They have to pay.”
I shut my eyes, hoping that if I did, everything else would shut down right along with it. “Ben, believe me when I say that I’d thought about exposing the island so many times while I was there, but…”
“But what?”
The last time we talked about exacting revenge on The Shade was that first night we got back from Mexico. I thought about it from time to time, but I couldn’t swallow the idea of being a hunter, of living a life devoted to vengeance.
“I don’t think I can live that way, Ben.”
“So what? We’re just going to keep this up? Pretend that nothing happened? Go on with life as usual? What about the people you left at The Shade? Ashley, Paige, Rosa… What about Gwen, Sofia?”
At that, I stood up. My knuckles were white from the way I was clutching the edges of the table. “Don’t go there, Ben. Not a day has gone by since we left that they haven’t crossed my mind.”
“Well, maybe it’s time to stop thinking about them and actually start doing something about it. How can you not see that this is the only way?”
“I can’t bring myself to accept that it’s the only way. I do not want to spend my life killing vampires. There’s got to be a better way… one that doesn’t involve as much bloodshed…”