A Real Bad Boy(55)

"Me?" I asked as I swallowed. Hard.

"Anyone. You, me. Us." His eyes flickered, and I couldn't help but blush. It was like he was trying to tell me something.

Like he was hoping for it.

"I can't even imagine what that must be like," I admitted.

"Can't you?" he said again, his deep rumble so warm, so serious, that it pulled me right out of my own thoughts.                       
       
           



       

Did he want a baby? He was in his mid-thirties. Maybe that was what he was after.

I gulped in some air. Was he trying to tell me something?

"I don't know that I'm ready," I started, but he held up a hand.

"I don't know if anyone is ever ready. It's just a thought that passed  through my mind." I could see the predator in his eyes, and I knew that  he was up to something, but I had no idea what.

I couldn't even ask.





Chapter Fourteen



Janson



All the shit from my past stirred up around me as I fought my way out of that fucking dream.

"Kat." It was the one name that pulled me out, the one thing that kept me from these damn recurring nightmares.

I needed to touch her.

I reached for her, but she wasn't there. I called her name, just on the edge of consciousness one more time.

"Kat," I moaned.

The nightmares were back. I was just a little boy in my bedroom as my  father came in. He started with the belt, always the belt. The beatings  used to leave me unable to do anything but cry. When that wasn't enough  for him, he'd put his cigar or cigarette out in my back. Even now, I  remembered the smell of my charred flesh. My nightmares were back.

Nightmares that I'd thought were gone for good.

Because they were, as long as I held Kathryn.

But she was gone. Back to her parents' house, back to a world that she  already ran from. I knew Greyson would be busy with his daughter and I  was totally alone.

It was a feeling I used to relish. An empty house, cool sheets, no one  there to tell me how to act or what to do. No one to see me scared.  Yeah, I used to like it, but not anymore.

Everything was empty without her.

"Fuck," I said as my feet met the cold floor. "I'm fucking useless  without her. I love her." I leaned against my bed and looked up at the  ceiling, certain of only one thing.

She was going to have my baby. I'd been half joking when I proposed it  earlier, but I wasn't now. I wanted to fill her with my seed and make  her mine. She was mine and she always would be.

There was nothing else I would accept.

Kat was mine, and I wanted to make sure that I claimed her the only way I  knew how. The only way that anyone else would accept. That woman was  going to get pregnant and have my baby. I knew it would solve  everything. No one would be able to refute our relationship. No one  would forbid me from it. I'd fuck her like crazy, make her pregnant,  then make her marry me.

She was going to be mine.

It was going to make Greyson see that she belonged to me. That she was mine.

There was no other choice. Even if she didn't know it. Even if she  couldn't understand it. It was risky, it could backfire in so many ways,  but it was what I wanted. I loved her, and I needed to find a way to  make this legitimate.

I was going to get her pregnant. Then I was going to make her my wife.

I knew it in my bones the moment I considered it. I wanted her, and I wanted her pregnant. Nothing else would do.

I loved her. It was fucking crazy, but I did. I wanted to tell her,  wanted to let her know everything that I was feeling, but that wasn't my  way. I'd been told never to let those emotions out. Not in that form,  anyway.

Without her, I needed to get up. I needed to do something. Work. Play. Something that included my fist in someone else's face.

I got dressed and grinned when I looked down at my business phone. My father had already sent tomorrow's list.

At least I'd having something to keep me occupied.





Kathryn



When I held that little girl in my arms, the whole world shrank away to  nothingness. It was just me and that little cherub, and I understood  exactly what Greyson meant when he said that she was perfect.

It was because she was the pinnacle of perfection. The most beautiful  thing I'd ever seen in my entire life. She was tiny and magnificent. A  part of me yearned to be holding one of my own, and my ovaries ached.  Not now, though. Not yet. I was going to enjoy being an aunt for a  while.

"What do you think?" Joanna's voice brought me out of my reverie. She  had a smile on her face that only a proud mother could have.

"What do I think?" I asked. "I think you are a miracle worker. This baby  is the most precious thing I've ever seen in my entire life," I  admitted.

"Anyone can push out a baby, but I'm glad I didn't have to do it alone. Greyson would really be in trouble," she joked.

It was the truth as I saw it, and Joanna was beaming. "What's her name?" I asked.

"Jessica Kathryn," she said as she beamed up at me.

"Kathryn?" I asked, my mouth hanging open.

"You were there for me when I needed you most, so I figured that was the  most appropriate thing to do," she said. She smiled at me. "Plus, it's a  good Catholic name, minus the unconventional spelling, and the family  will approve."                       
       
           



       

I was shocked. No one had ever thought about me enough to name a baby after me.

"My sisters are going to be jealous as hell," I joked. They were,  though. I don't think they knew Joanna the way I did, and I was always  Greyson's favorite. Let them eat their hearts out.

Joanna chuckled. "I am sure they are, but Greyson will handle it. He's so good at dealing with your family."

If only she knew the truth about my family. If only she knew the facade  that she'd walked into and all the pain that they'd caused. Not my  mother, not my sisters, but the men in our family played dangerous games  and they won dangerous prizes. Like death and war.

If only she knew the truth about everything. If she knew what a coward I  was, she would never have named her baby after me. I bailed on my uncle  when he needed me most. I didn't step forward and name my father as a  killer. I ran.

I didn't deserve this. I didn't deserve any of it. Not the name of this  child, not Janson. I was such a fraud. An imposter. I was getting away  with everything.

But I was determined to make it right, and I would. I just needed to do  the plan. I needed to get information on my father that would put him  away forever.

I just needed to be prepared to go back into that house.

"So, you're going back home, then?" Joanna asked me. I'd spent the  entire day in the hospital with her. She could leave this evening, but I  knew she'd want the company.

She'd hedged around the conversation until now.

"Yes. I have to go back home." It was all part of the plan, and I  couldn't just bail on it. Not now, when I'd made a commitment. But I  couldn't tell Joanna that. She was left in the dark about this little  plan. She had no idea that it was even happening. It would upset her,  and right now she had enough on her plate.

I couldn't betray the secret. No matter how much I wanted to confide in her. No matter how much I wanted to ask her for advice.

"But what about Janson?" she asked, her brow furrowed. She was as confused as I was when it came to my relationship with Janson.

"He'll still be there," I answered. "He promised."

"And you won't tell anyone?" Joanna asked. She was prying, but she was  trying to be nice and she'd just given birth. I wasn't about to tell her  to back off.

"He told me it wasn't safe to. He's really afraid of what Greyson might  do. He's afraid of what my father might do." It was the truth, as far as  I could tell. The two of us knew it would be a risky relationship. We  knew that it was possible that once they found out, it would be  forbidden. I wasn't willing to chance that. Not yet. Not until I was  certain he wanted me.

I didn't know if I would ever be certain. He kept his emotions so  closely guarded that I doubt he would tell me, even if he knew.

She nodded. "I don't always understand these men, but I do know that  disrespect is the most serious violation of their code. Greyson might  view being with you as being disrespectful to them. But I know that if  you don't tell him and he finds out, that it would be a betrayal."

"Do you think they will?" I asked. But I wasn't thinking about that. I  was going to commit the ultimate form of disrespect against my father. I  was going to put him behind bars.

I didn't respect him, though. Not one bit. I wanted to see him rot for what he did.

I wanted him to pay.

And I hated myself for thinking that while I was holding this tiny little baby.

I handed her back to Joanna. "I just. I don't know, Joanna. I don't know if I can go through this."