A Mate for the Senator (Brion Brides 9)(9)

"Why don't you want to be a general?" Eleya asked.

Xaven's face dropped at once. He rested his hands against the edge of the arena, panting heavily. Sweat glistened on his rock-hard abs and a part of Eleya wanted nothing more than to stop picking fights and just climb on top of her fated, letting him ride her to oblivion.

She chose fighting. Fighting was good. Fighting was what Brions did.

"Don't start again," Xaven warned her. "We've talked about this already, Eleya."

"No, we haven't," she said. "We've talked plenty about me, that is true. Answer the question, for once."

Xaven glared at her, but a single ray of hope flared to life in Eleya. She couldn't stop comparing Xaven to Eren, but perhaps that was fine. Everything had gone wrong with her first treacherous fated. The less Xaven was like him, the better.

"I have no interest in it," Xaven said. "I know you don't want to hear this because you've deified the position, but it's not for me. It takes all the fun out of life. I'd be tied to the job until the day I die. The union     thinks the generals have all the freedom in the world, but they're the ones who are most controlled. By duty, by honor, by whatever. They go where you point."

"You are saying you don't want to do a job that keeps you imprisoned?" Eleya asked. "Does that not remind you of someone, perhaps?"

Xaven regarded her seriously. She could see him considering and the flare of hope grew bigger in her heart. Maybe it was possible to make Xaven see what was wrong with him. Maybe it was possible for the both of them to see their flaws and heal together.#p#分页标题#e#

"All the more reason why you shouldn't be mad I don't want to be a general," Xaven said.

"True," Eleya allowed, getting to the point with no small amount of regret. "But I don't think that's the problem. It's not the whole truth, at least."

"Enlighten me, then," Xaven said.

The tone of his voice wasn't promising anything good, but Eleya had come too far to back down. She had never been one to shy away from painful truths.

"I think you don't want the position because of the responsibility," she said. "I don't think you're driven enough. I've been trying to figure out for weeks what it is that's missing in you and that's it. You have plenty of determination, but nothing catches your interest. You are so skilled and it has taken you here in life, but you have nowhere to go from this point.

"Not because you can't, but because you don't want to. It's the same with us. You want me, you put in the amount of effort you think is fair and then you wait for the reward."

The look on the warrior's face was terrible to behold.

During those two weeks, Eleya had never seen an expression as furious as that one on Xaven. Her gerion's eyes were burning, his lips pressed into a thin line and there was a vein throbbing on his forehead. The captain looked like he was ready to explode.

"Is that what you really think of me?" Xaven asked, growling.

"Yes," Eleya said.

It was harsh and a little unfair and a terrible thing to say to her fated, but she was who she was. They were both Brions. She had never met a warrior who liked things sugarcoated and Eleya wasn't about to start doing that now. If it was herself, she would have wanted to know about her flaws.

She had to believe she'd handle it well.

Xaven quickly have her a chance to prove that.

"And what about you, then?" he asked. "You have all the drive in the world. Every last person on Briolina will tell you that you're excellent as the High Senator. Even the generals love you, which is impossible to achieve. But you are still crying about the thing you were forced to leave behind.

"You judge everyone based on whether they want the same things in life as you and think those who don't are weak. I know you think being a general is the epitome of what a Brion can be. Everyone knows you think that, but it's not. It's your truth, not mine.

"I never wanted to be one. You may be right about some of my motivations, but what does that matter?"

Eleya didn't say a word, but Xaven was only getting started. The warrior was gripping the edge of the arena so hard she thought he was going to rip it right off the ground.

"You lost the thing you loved the most and look what it's done to you," he said. "You preach serving Briolina, when you hate having the job that you are best suited for. You think a Brion needs to be strong when you glorify your wounds from your first bond and your lost title.

"You think being a general would bring me some universal happiness, but you have not been happy since you left the army and you're not about to start now. I wanted to make you happy, every little thing I did was to bring that smile to your lips, but I see now that is not possible.

"There is no gate into your heart that I could open. You are waiting for some kind of a miracle, a lightning strike to free you and I can't make that happen. You are holding that door shut and no matter what you say, there is nothing I can do until you let go."

A heavy silence set over the arena as they stared at each other. Eleya had no idea what Xaven was thinking, but her heart was beating louder than it had for years. She felt like crying, but there were no tears coming.

She wanted to say something, too, but there were no words that could have fixed the ones that had already been spoken.

The world was holding its breath, waiting for one of them to speak, to admit their flaws and fight.

Xaven picked up his spear and turned to go.

"You don't have to say anything," he told her. "I will go. I'm sorry your second bond didn't bring you happiness either."





8





Xaven





Something as simple as sleeping turned to a chore.

The days that passed without Eleya by his side, without her sweet voice in his ear, were like the gods had singled him out for a punishment Xaven didn't believe he deserved. The warrior felt like a dead man walking, but without a target on his back. No one had killed him, except maybe Eleya.#p#分页标题#e#

The world didn't have color, though. Food was like ash in his mouth and every night, Xaven laid awake in his bed, feeling the missing presence of his gesha.

Briolina was a hot planet. It had a summer that lasted most of the year and a season that resembled spring on most other worlds. Nights were never cold, which was why most Brion homes didn't have many windows.

Now Xaven was cold, for the first time in his life.

He knew that it wasn't a physical thing. His body didn't actually feel the shivers that went down his spine when he thought of Eleya. The sheets on his bed were cool silk but when he laid his hand next to him, searching for a body that wasn't there, it felt like dipping his hand into ice.

Xaven had considered going to his gesha at first. He even tried, walking into Eleya's palace without anyone stopping him. It was clear the High Senator had given no orders to bar his way to her quarters.

He'd stopped on the stairs. The pride that had never held him back from anything suddenly roared to life, refusing to allow him to crawl back to her.

Brions didn't crawl. They didn't beg or barter, especially for the love of their fated. It was either freely given or not given at all.

Days turned into a week without a single word from Eleya and Xaven started to wonder if pride was the emotion that he treasured more than the eternal bond.

The door to his quarters started beeping, signaling a visitor.

Xaven was on his feet in a second and dashed for the door. Bitter disappointment washed over him as the screen showed him Towaren, Eleya's aide. Hope raised its head, however.

"Captain Xaven," the young aide said, stepping in and looking around. "Are we alone?"

"Eleya is my gesha," Xaven growled at the man. "Who do you think would be at my quarters?"

"Friends," Towaren replied without blinking an eye. "Family. I don't know."

Xaven humphed. He motioned for the young man to follow and led him to his dining room, offering him a cup of wine.

"Thank you," Towaren said, accepting the drink. "I still need the answer, Captain."

"Why?" Xaven asked. "What's so private you can't talk about it?"

"Everything that concerns High Senator Eleya is extremely sensitive information," Towaren replied in a tone of voice that said he considered it a common truth.

"And you think I'd be close to someone who would use any information against her?" Xaven demanded, taking a step closer.

The aide backed away, a flicker of fear flashing behind his eyes. He was a warrior like him, but Xaven could see right away that confrontation wasn't what Towaren had come for.

"You can never be sure," Towaren said. "There have been traitors before. Some of them very close to the High Senator."

Xaven glared.

"You mean Eren, her first gerion?" he asked.

"Yes," Towaren said, hesitating for a moment. "Captain, I didn't come here to accuse you of anything. I'm just trying to be careful, because she doesn't know that I'm here."

That was surprising. Xaven had gotten the impression that Towaren never did anything without Eleya's expressed command or approval.

"Then you shouldn't be here," he stated firmly.

"Perhaps," Towaren allowed. "But I had to come. I've never seen the High Senator like this."

Xaven's eyes narrowed. That changed everything. If there was something wrong with Eleya, there was no power in the galaxy that could have kept him away from her.